The History Of My Stand

[kristie]

Well, let me back up a bit, actually things got a little strange about a year before moving here. Kevin and I always worked together, in our own little company. We cleaned and maintained homes for real estate companies. Whenever a home was listed for sale, or if it was a rental in between tenents, we cleaned the homes preparing them for showing. They were huge luxurious homes and the work was really easy since they were totally empty of furniture and such when we cleaned them. We had built a good reputation as the best company and we made good money at it. We also did the landscaping and yard maintanence and any repair work on the propertys. But after the accident, the work was getting hard for me to do, and it was at this time that one of the real estate brokers asked me to come on as her personal secretary. She also put me through real estate school. Kevin began acting badly over all this. Upset that I was not glued to his side 24-7. He began saying things like he would just find other ways to occupy his time. I would ask him if he meant with other women, but he always said no, with his friends, but he really was being a big baby about it all. When we bought the house and moved, I had to leave that job since it was too far for me to drive everyday.

Okay, so we bought the house and moved. I immediately freaked out when we got into the house. I suddenly felt overwhelmed and questioned if I had made a mistake, becoming a home owner, that maybe we could not finacially take this on. With renting, all repairs were on the landlords, and now here we were all on our own and responsible for everything. It was a huge debt, many years of payments, it was just intimidating me badly and I was not sleeping well. I decided that I had to find a job immediately and go back to work. I applied and got on as a dispatcher with our county sheriffs department. It was right at the time that they were bringing in the 911 system. I had only been working there about two months or so when the 911 director mutually resigned for some reason. I had had a very good repor with the director and I helped him alot with setting up the computer data for the new system. I was the only one there that was computer savvy so to speak. When he left, the commission came and asked me to take the position. I struggled with it greatly, I loved my job as dispatcher and I already knew many of the struggles of being director from working so closely with the director. The pay increase was substantial however and too great to turn down. However, in accepting I still felt like I would regret my decision at some point, and I did.

The job was the most stressful job I have ever done. I averaged 60 to 70 hours a week in that job, on salary of course. There were some benefits, like given a police car to drive instead of my own, and I have to say that the job itself advanced me tremendously in career and education. They paid $5000 for my training in spatial data research, and I now can add spatial data to my resume, gps research, planning and mapping, as well as in depth understanding of how the 911 system works. But it was a nightmare. I was not only responsible for setting the 911 system up, but maintaining the system and making sure it functioned properly, overseeing the dispatch department, training them in the new system, being the person that assisted all police and parole/probation departments, bondsmen departments, in finding fugitives and bodies. Teaching all the surrounding cities within the county the system and setting them up. Mapping the entire county and creating and printing gps maps, working with all the phone companies which goes hand in hand with the 911 system...and public relations which was a real nightmare. I was the one that was the public representative for the county 911. I did all the public speaking events, meetings with the public officials, the ambulance and fire departments, and the newspapers and radio as well. I also took all the public calls and that alone was a nightmare. I averaged hundreds of calls a day. Every morning when I came in, I would already have 25 to 50 call messages on my phone. I also had to do all the ordering and pay outs, budgeting for the 911 department. I then requested help, a secretary of my own. They hired me one and then I became responsible for her schedule and time sheets. So it was never ending. At one point we hit a crisis deadline on the system, the previous director had gotten behind on the set up and I was expected to do double time to get it up by deadline. I had three major phone companies coming in one particular day to coordinate and get it finished and up. It was that very moment in time that Kevins father passed away. Kevin had been estranged from his father for many years and claimed to hate him. His father had been a very violent man. An alcoholic that severely abused his family. When Kevin was five, his mother ran off deserting the kids, leaving them with the father, who then even poured more rage onto the kids. A couple years later, his oldest brother stole the grocery money and put them all on a bus to Missouri where their older sister had ran off to and married a military man. He first took them to where they knew their mother was, but they were turned away there by the grandmother who refused to let them into her home. Not long after, their mother came to Missouri as well to be with the kids. But I know that it is the desertion by his mother that messed Kevin up and is a root to why he does the things he does. He displaces his anger towards her completely unto his father, so his father got double anger. Kevin disowned him, blaming him for everything, and never once realizing that his mother left them in the hands of a maniac to save herself. What mother would do that? But you dare not say anything about his mother, he comes unglued. Anyway, his father died of a massive heart attack, the last one of 23, we all knew he did not have long to go, but Kevin still refused to reunite. When he died, Kevin decided to travel out of state to the funeral, but he never once acted upset or like he needed me to go with him. I was under deadline and some serious pressure at work, and felt I could not leave...if I did, the entire country would not be up and running with the 911 system, that is alot of pressure let me tell you. Kevin never forgave me for that, later on when things came up, that was one of the first things he would throw at me, choosing my work over him when his father died. I did not actually choose, he never said a word or acted like he needed me, not once. He was just like he was going to run up there, spend the night and be back home, no big deal.

This is when our troubles began. The job got to be too much for me. For many months I just wanted out, but felt I could not just quit. Then the scandal happened. The sheriff, from the time I took the postition, was sexually harrassing me. One day he insisted on going mapping with me, and while out there in nowhere land, he tried to rape me. I managed to fight him off, but then with the insistance of my trainer from spatial data research, we went to the commission and demanded they remove me from his location and authority. They did and I stayed in the building, but he was no longer my superior, the commission was. A year later, for some unknown reason, they put me back under him to my protest. But by then he figured out that he would never intimidate me, so it had ceased to an extent. Then suddenly he was charged with sexual harrassment and misconduct with the prisoners and department. The place was crawling with FBI and state troopers who were arresting him and charging him. They began interrogating all of us, and they had heard from a fellow officer of his conduct with me. They were trying to force me to be a state witness against him, and this also would have taken the commission down as well for misconduct, because they had placed me back under him knowing what they knew. I was refusing to testify, but the commission did not know this. I was refusing because I had not told Kevin about the rape attempt. I knew that if I did, he would have lost it and went and attacked the sheriff, and we all know who would have gotten charged and inprisioned for that. I just kept it to myself with guilt actually, but knew I was saving my husband by doing so, it was for right cause. I could not now let it come out in this way, he would feel betrayed as well by me. I also did not want to become headlines and my family be caught up in this scandel. I just felt it was best to let sleeping dogs lie, he did not succeed in raping me and it was past and over, they had enough on him, they did not need me. But the commission was very worried about what I would say or do, and we had a meeting of mutual resignation. I had wanted out, and here was my chance, so I took it.

After that, I began working for a organization as a undercover child decoy to entrap pedophiles online and lure them to arrest. I advanced in that job rapidly, soon becoming an excutive director of the organization and their photo analysist. At one point, about a year into this job, I located a missing boy that had been kidnapped many years ago. There was one particular pedophile that was considered the leader of the pack and normally pedophiles do not kill their victims, but this guy was a known serial child killer, a fugitive from the law. I managed to hook up with his right hand man, and was given access to private areas where no else had ever gone. The accomplice was just as cold and as much a child killer as the main guy I was sent in to locate and take out, we were trying to get them both. It was in this private area that I found the missing boy to our amazement, his photos and documentation of how he got him. I was also the photo analysist, which means....pedophiles take photos of their victims, them being abused, and they share them with other pedos. The pedos edit these photos, blurring out things in the photos that could lead to their identity and whereabouts. I would analyse the photos and remove the layers of distortion, revealing the objects concealed, which would then give us the clues to finding them. This particular mission was intense. Here I was posing as a male child and interacting with this monster who was as cold as ice, definitely a killing instinct and it was chilling. I was analysing hundreds of photos and in doing that I discovered a pedophile ring that was going on underground, behind a child modeling agency front. That was how they were first making contact with the children, and then would take them. I even disclosed the name of the photographer of the photos, who was stupid enough to sign them and then distort his signature. In the end of things, the boy was found and recovered, now a teenager and unfortunitely totally warped from his experience and molesting children himself at this point. I also tracked and traced the accomplice to a specific destination. He moved around daily, to keep hidden, but I locked in on him one night, and the FBI was dispatched immediately and he was apprehended. We did not get the main man however. But this job was messing with me greatly, my emotions and my mind. When you spend hours daily loading child porn photos and analysing them, it does something to you. I even became bitter towards God. I became hardened and distant, rejecting everyone around me, even my own son. I felt cold inside. I could no longer tolerate the thought of relations with my husband, not with visions of molested children in my head, it all became horrendous to me and tainted. This last mission really got to me, this child killer, interacting with him, the long exhausting hours on this case. I never slept, for months I averaged just an hour a night or so, I was so driven to solve this case and take this guy down.

It was during this time that my stepson was left on our doorstep also. He was out of control and his mother just dumped him here one day and said she did not want him back. He had killed an entire litter of her pedigree puppies that day and then attacked her and beat her up. Then fought the stepdad as well. He had been working of destroying their marriage for some time as I knew. He brought instant problems into our home as well, pornography and disrespectful behavior, violence. My husband did not know how to deal with him, so he just befriended him, letting him run amuck. He was kicked out of school more then he was in, just totally disruptive and defiant. He began pushing my husband to go back to the band and playing in clubs. My husband had quit a couple years before, as I burned out and no longer wanted to go and he refused to be out there without me. We always stuck together in what we did then. But he went back to it, taking his 15 yr. old son along with, which just increased his bad behavior and defiance. We began fighting over this boy. His son would physically attack me and Kevin would do nothing, tell us to work it out. It was just madness, so that also made me pull away from him and the situation.

My husband did all he could to break through what I had become. He pleaded with me to stop, to consider us, our family, but I was cold and I felt like I was in the right, afterall I was saving children and catching the bad guys. This was when he wrote me the love song and presented it to me, I just shoved it away coldly. One day he followed me out to the car as I was leaving for work and said enough was enough, that I either stop treating them all this way or he was leaving me, I told him to leave that I did not love him anymore anyways. I was horrible guys, horrible. Of couse as I am sure you can tell by now, I was not right with God, not just at this point, but at any point. I was a religous person as I call it. I went to church on Sundays, but I never grew and I rationalized everything. It was okay to still go to the clubs, for Kevin to perform in the clubs, to have a drink or two, be around that kind of crowd and lifestyle, as long as I myself acted right and believed in God. I knew God, but I was not in relationship with God. You would think that someone who God directly talks to, that has the gift of discernment and prophecy, would be in close connection with God, but I am proof that this is not always true. I was not Holy Spirit filled, did not even know the Holy Spirit, but I always had the gifts, was born with them. Even when I did not know God at all, I had the gifts.

I dont know how God got through to me, but it was a couple weeks later that I just seemed to awaken, snap out of it, and I found myself asking what I was doing, had done. I immediately resigned as soon as this case was wrapped up. I had to find me again and I knew that. I realised how messed up I really was. It was also at this same time that my best friend was killed in a car wreck. I felt once again responsible. I worked part time at a nursing home, and she worked there also. She met a patient that had come in to recup from back surgery. They began a romance and she ended up leaving her live in boyfriend and father of her two children for this man. I was not happy with what she was doing, her choices, but she was dear to me and I felt I had to support her when no one else was. I really just wanted her to stop and stay however. He lived in another part of the state, and she made plans to leave and go with him. I did not want her to go, I just wanted to scream no, but I was the only one standing by her in whatever she did. She had only been gone with him about a month, and had come back a couple of times to visit me. Then one night at work the other charge nurse on shift came to me and told me I needed to sit down, that she had something to tell me. She said that Kenas mother had just called me to tell me that she died hours before in a car accident. That she felt she needed to seclude me to tell me, sit me down in private. I refused to believe it, and I just ran for the phone and called Kenas house with her new husband answering. I asked him if it was true, and he told me yes. The kids were in the car with her, and she had crossed over the line and hit a suburan head on. She was killed instantly as the suburan went over on top of Kena and then bounced to the side before going over the back seat of the car, and the kids were fine, not even a scratch on them. I just screamed, lost it. How could this happen. Her little girl Dana was only a year old, her son only three, why God? Once again, I did was not handling death. I had to take a leave of absense and I just walked around in a cloud for weeks, could not stop crying. I would go out to the clubs with Kevin and hide in the bathroom stalls and cry. I cried so much that everyone, the band members were hovering over me, leaving the stage to come find me. But they did not think my tears were over my deceased friend I found out, and I understood soon why they were concerned and hovering. Kevin was being very loving as well.

It was this same time that Kevin began acting bizarrely, would not eat, could not sleep, began losing weight and you could tell something was very wrong. I would sit at night and watch him, not being able to sleep myself, wondering what was so wrong that he was getting so ill. One day he left for work, he was driving a cab part time, and he called back in the afternoon and insisted that I come meet him for dinner. I argued some because it was way too early for dinner, but he insisted. I went to meet him and he was acting so strangely. He was staring at me like he was looking into my soul the whole time we were there. I knew something was very wrong, but just had no idea what. He clung to me when I was leaving to return home. Then it was about an hour later he returned home unexpectedly. I asked him what he was doing home and he just mumbled that he wanted to come home. On my way home, my daughter called me on the cell and was crying. She said that her friend had committed suicide and everyone rushed to the hospital to be with her, but they would not let her in, everyone else was let in, but they blocked her. She was beside herself as to why. Kevin got in the tub to soak and I stood at the bathroom sink doing something, plucking my eyebrows or something, and started telling him about Holly, the call from my daughter about what she did. He was just real quiet and would agree with me that this girl was so messed up, such a sad case. This girl had been coming onto my husband for years, and she was a very messed up girl, drug addict, slept with anyone and everyone, very lewd, a self professed satan worshipper and she was so mentally messed up that you could not hold a conversation with her, nothing she said made sense, she just jumped all over the place in her words. She was a pitiful thing, and my husband and I always talked about her mental status when she would act out towards him, just pitying her. The next day he left for work again, and not long after my daughter called. She was crying again and said that she found out why they would not let her in, because her friend had tried to kill herself because my husband had broken up with her. I was stunned and did not believe this. I immediately called Tammy, the sound mans wife and asked her what was going on, what Holly had done and was all of this true. Tammy told me that she knew nothing about this, that Holly had mentioned having a boyfriend named Kevin, but it was some guy in the military from what she understood, not my Kevin, she insisted that someone had their stories messed up. I then called Kevins work and they said he was not there, had not shown up. I then called Calvins house, one of the guitarists, to question him, and I was shocked when my own husband answered the phone. I just kind of harshly I guess, said he needed to get his butt home now. He sounded so lost and just said, "Okay", and with that I knew it was all true. He arrived and asked if we could just take a ride and discuss this, that we not do this in front of the boys. I agreed, and I never got hysterical believe it or not. I surprised myself. I just asked him questions and he answered. He said the day that I told him he could leave, that I did not love him anymore, he felt desparate and felt there had to be something wrong with him, that I was rejecting him like I was. He felt driven to find out if it was him, and he left and went to a phone booth and called her, knowing that she had been after him for years. He said the weekend before she had followed him and his son into the mens bathroom at one of the clubs they were playing and tried to pin him against the wall, in which he shoved her off and exited. The rest of the night she danced right in front of him and pulling up her shirt. He said she was the only one he could think of, and felt like he could just have a one time fling to find out if there was something wrong with him and she would just go away, since she was so loose with everyone. He said that he called her and asked her to come out and meet him, and they went and parked. But he found he could not do anything with her. She then asked him if he was going to leave me for her, and when he told her of course not, that he loved me and this was just a thing, she then went crazy and started tearing up his truck. He got her calmed down and dropped her back off. Then she began calling him at our house, threatening him that if he did not see her again, she would tell me or hurt me in some way. He said he was totally freaked out, and so he would meet her. He said it esculated and she suddenly had moved out of her parents and rented a trailer and was fixing it up for them to live in and a room for his son, like she was in some kind of fairy tale. She began calling him everywhere he went, at band practice and asking if she could come be with him. That he could not get away from her because she kept threatening him. He had confessed to his best friend what was going on, and his friend started pressing him to do something, to cut her off, call her bluff, whatever, but he had to stop this thing. Finally one day, three weeks into all this, his friend convinced him that he had to get rid of her, had to take that risk, because it was obvious that it was killing him...and that was what I was seeing happen to him..the not eating, not sleeping, wasting away. So he went to her trailer and told her straight up that he was not going to play this game with her anymore, it was over and she just had to do whatever she was going to do. He said that is when he began hanging close to me, worrying about her coming at me or to me. But then that night, she tried to take her own life. Her mother found her the next afternoon, she was very much gone already it seemed, was blue, had lost control of her body fluids, was cold. Her mother left and went to one of her friends houses close by and told her that she thinks Holly is dead. It was the friend that called the police and ambulance. They managed to bring her back.

But anyway, I think I just went into shock actually. I was numb, could not think, could not do anything. I just crawled in bed and laid there, would not eat, just cried and would not talk or anything. This went on for days. My husband never left my side. He quit his job and was doing all the housework, the cooking, and would sit beside me and try to force feed me, but I refused to eat. Finally, I dont know how many days it was actually, but finally I felt like I had to go to the church. I asked him to call pastor and have him open the church and to take me there. I told them that I just needed to be alone with God, that God had to tell me what to do. Pastor merely told me that if I really wanted God to tell me what to do, then I must not do anything and wait on God. Then they left me there. I laid on that alter, took my rings off and laid them on the alter, giving them to God, and told God that I would not move from the alter or put them back on until He told me what to do. I laid there for a long time. That entire day and into the night. Every once in awhile I would hear someone and would look up to see my husband just sitting quietly in the front pew, or my oldest daughter Carey once, in which she had to have traveled about an hour to get there. Now and then a church member just checking on me. No one ever spoke to me or me to them. They would just come and then go. Finally God spoke to me. He told me to sit up and put my rings on, to go home and forgive my husband and heal my marriage. I did as told, but I struggled greatly with it. The crying did not stop, I cried and I cried. I was numb still and mechanical. I would stand doing the dishes with tears just rolling, I kept seeing visions of him with her in my head, they were tormenting me. I felt totally violated, like I had been stripped, robbed of the past five years, that they no longer meant anything. I was angery at her, hated her for what she had stolen from me. I was able to forgive him easily enough, because I felt at fault, that my doings had caused this, I deserved for this to happen. And to be honest, it changed us for the good. We became closer then we had ever been and I had not thought this possible, but it actually pulled us together. But I could not stop being tortured. I would get up in the middle of the night and curl up in a fetal ball in the living room floor and cry out in agony. My husband would come running and pick me up and carry me back to bed and hold me. I fell into a deep void. I could not feel God, He was missing and I knew why, because I had so much hate in my heart for this girl, for what she had done to me. I was lost and tormented, and one night I could not bear anymore and I screamed out for God to help me, that I could not forgive her, that He had to help me, give me something, do something, help me to find the way. Instantly God came over me and showed me a vision. It was her mother and she was tormented and sobbing over her daughter, her daughter being so lost and messed up. I literally felt her pain and her love for her child, her fears. It left me just like that, and I came out of the vision feeling this mothers love for this girl. I was overwhelmed with love for this sad pitiful lost child. That was the moment my healing began.

But then we found that everyone at church had turned against Kevin for what he had done. They were purposely ignoring him and hovering over me. It was like he had the plague, even our Pastor was treating him this way. He was upset and insisted we leave the church. I dug in and refused. One morning he turned a different direction and drove us to this church way out in the country, said he wanted to try it. I acted horribly, refusing to go in, demanding he take me to our home church. I was a mess over this one simple thing. I was playing the victim again, and how dare he do what he did and then try to tear me away from those who supported me. With that, he just stopped going to church altogether. This is when it gets real bad.

 

[kristie]

Months went by, and at the time of the incident, my husband blamed himself for everything and said he knew he should have never went back to the band and playing, that it was one of the biggest causes of his fall. That if he had not put himself out there for her to come at that night, she probably would have never even came to his mind that day. He vowed he would never play in the band again.

But, months later, with his son pushing him again, and him being away from God, he went back to it with a new band that he formed, his son now in the band. This began to create walls between us again, of course. There was tension in the house, his playing again and dragging his son into it again, and his son becoming more and more defiant and out of control all this time. One day we got in a argument and we were in the bedroom fighting. Suddenly my daughter threw open the door and began screaming for me to stop fighting with him, to not take his crap and just throw him out because he was a liar and a cheat, that Holly was not the first, and she blasted out that he had cheated also with his best friend and fellow band members daughter. A girl that I practically raised. And she also yelled that he got her pregnant and she now has a three year old son by him. He went into a rage and called her a liar. They were screaming at each other and I was just standing there stunned again. I finally took control and told him that God was listening to him and before God he needed to answer the question, was this true. He dropped down in a chair in the living room and slumped his head and nodded yes. He then told me that back before we moved, when I was working at the real estate company, he felt neglected. That one night he went to work driving the cab and she had called for a cab to the motel she was partying in. That she got in and then immediately began coming on to him. He said that he found himself pulled over on a back road and in the back seat with her before he even knew it. That it was just a one time thing, and he was was shocked at what he had done, knew immediately that he had just ruined his marriage. He said he never saw her again after that, but that one day her dad came to him and informed him that she had his child, was angery with him of course. He said he knew the child was not his, that she was sleeping with many people at the time, including the other guitarist in the band who was at this time dead from a overdose. That she was also married to a military guy and livng with another guy while he was overseas, so what were the chances that this kid was his, that this part was a lie. But he was not as humble about what he had done this time. Once again I didnt know what to do, and everything in me just wanted out of the marriage to be honest. This was the limit for me. I had cried myself to sleep for years now wanting a child with my husband and uable to have one, that another woman had concieved his child in adultery was too much to bear. I was not dealing with this. But it did not take any time at all for God to grab ahold of me and He said clearly to me that I had to forgive him for this, that this had happened before the Holly affair and that He knew about it then but told me to put my rings on and forgive and heal my marriage. That when He told me that, He included this other indescretion in that forgiveness, because He knew about it even when I did not. So His direction to me of then still held firm now, otherwise He would have directed me differently then. But this time I was angery. I responded to God that I would do as He directed, but if this child was my husbands, I would not stay with him, that was more then I could bear. That I would not seek the answer to that and would just wait for Him to reveal that Himself, but if it turned out to be his child, that I quit. I was very much kicking myself for taking the blame for the other. Here I was beating myself up and taking all the blame for his other affair when the whole time he knew that it was not the first time. The first time I had done nothing wrong, I was a good wife to him and there was no excuse for what he did except blatant cheating on his part. I did what God told me to do, but I cannot say I was happy about it. Things were different now for me.

We continued to grow apart in everyway. I did not know him anymore, he was a stranger to me. He became so evil. You could not talk to him about God, it would send him into a rage. He would hole up day and night when home in the back studio, even sleeping there at night. He put a padlock on the door and would not let anyone in but his son. They holed up in there together, both of them growing more evil by the day. It was ice cold in this house and two enemy camps formed, me and mine against him and his. Him and his son would intentionally do things to my son to hurt his feelings. We were severely struggling financially, he totally stopped helping me pay the bills or doing anything a husband would normally do around the house. There were many days that my son and I had nothing to eat and they would flaunt in front of us that they were going out to eat. They were just intentionally evil. He got worse and worse. He became viotile, even towards his son, often losing his temper and beating him. He would destroy things in rages. He began losing serious weight and his skin turned ashen, and he developed this horrible odor about him. I smelled just like decayed human flesh. It was sickly sweet and repulsive and showering did not help, it was always wafting around him. His friends began asking me in private what the smell was on him, and I had no answers. Many tried to convince me that he must be cooking meth in his studio room, the reason he had changed so much and was locking the room and holing himself up in there, but I knew better. I even at one point approached him and asked him to go get checked out, that maybe he had diabetes, which I knew could cause the breath to have a sweet odor. But he said nothing was wrong with him coldly and went on. His friends would come over and he would gather them in that back room with the door closed. He and his son would make a big scene about playing these games they had back there in front of my son and telling him he was not invited. They were downright cruel to us. His son would just barge into my sons room and jerk his tv out of the socket, saying he was taking it, that he lived in this house too and everything in this house was his as well, so he was taking it. My son was much bigger then him and would handle him on these things without my help, but it upset me greatly and I would tell them to stay out of my sons room and away from his things. One day my son ended up beating his son up in the backyard, this after his son tried to hit me. My son just lost it and dragged him out and pounded him good. It was the same day that I got fed up with being locked out of a room in my own house, my husband and stepson, a kid, having the only keys to it. I was the only one paying any bills, and this was enough. I took my stepsons key and entered the room. I found all kinds of porn in there, but that was about all. When Kevin came home needless to say the crap hit the fan, about me entering his private domain and my son beating up his son. He started packing his things and I did not care. He was screaming at me as he loaded his things out of the back room and back porch door into his truck. It was then that I shot back about finding his porn stash and now knowing what he was doing in his locked room, and good riddence to him. This stopped him cold and then he began trying to convince me to let him stay. I told him he needed to go, at least for now. He only went down the road a bit, moved in with another friend of his. He began calling me constantly and asking me to come talk to him. After a few days I agreed to come out and talk to him. He talked his way back in, and went right back to his same ways, but was again sleeping in our bedroom. He continued to worsen, this is when he became a bone yard and his skin turned ashen and the smell, this was in progress when he left that time, and it progressed. He would bolt upright in the middle of the night, shaking his fist in the air and cursing God. It was scarey. I found that I could not stay in the room with him, I felt like something was sitting on my chest and suffocating me, it felt evil, the room felt so evil. I began sleeping on the couch.

I went online and began seeking prayer for him and our marriage. I met a Catholic woman and she began talking to me alot. She emailed me one day and told me that my husband was possessed by demon spirits. Now realize that I was a little ole Baptist girl, a pew warmer only, and what she told me was ludicrous to me. I began picturing Linda Blair in the exorcist and thought this is ridiculous, there are no such thing as demons and people being possessed by demons, that is horror show flair. I even responded to her and said, "What? So now my life has become a exorcist movie or something"? She continued to insist that I listen to what she was telling me and she told me I had to do this and that. I was overwhelmed and very very skeptical, this could not be real in my mind. But over the next week or so, I knew something was wrong. I had began reading about generational curses, which I could shallow, and I was thinking it is not him, it is me. There is something wrong with me, all the death that followed me all my life, all the tragedies, all the pain and sorrow. Oh...and I forgot to add another trauma above where I typed it out in blue text. I will go back and add it, but I will tell you about here as well. After I divorced my first husband, after Billy died and all that, I used to hang out at the town swimming pool, would take Carey there to play in the baby pool. The carnival was in town and there was this couple and the guys brother that began coming to the pool everyday, as the fair ground was just across the street. They started up a conversation with me, and the woman, Charlotte, was very pregnant. Over the course of a week I got to know them somewhat and had sat talking to Charlotte alot as Carey played in the water in my arms, she was not even one yet, it was July of 75 and she would turn one in August, in just a couple weeks. I found that Charlotte was very depressed and scared. She was due any day and she talked about how she just wanted to go home to Indiana to have her baby, but had no way to get there, that the carnival crew was heading to Florida when they left there. I am a soft heart and I ended up telling her that I would drive her home, that I nothing else I was doing. That Carey and I would take her home to Indiana, stay a couple days and then return home. So when the carnival caravan pulled out, Charlotte remained behind with me, kissing her hubby goodbye. I loaded her up in my car and off we went on our great adventure to Indiana. I had never been out of the state of Missouri, so I saw it as an adventure. My mom was worried sick, but like she said, she could not stop me. She later confessed to me that she did not sleep a wink and cried the whole time I was gone. We arrived safe and sound and it turned out that she lived with two spinster aunts and there was a male cousin there also, a wild looking guy and a mentally retarded guy named Willie, who was basically their gopher. Things immediately got weird. We had only been there an hour or so and she was asking me to drive her and the aunts out to a cemetary. That was not so strange I guess, but the fact that I was ordered to stay in the car while they went off into this cemetary was. But I just let it go, they seemed nice. It was the next day that Charlotte announced that we were going to a party at a friends house that night, so I could meet her friends. We arrived at this big mansion and immediately it became apparant that she had a thing going on with this guy that was there. I was surprised, but what could I do. After some time they had went into this big library room and closed the big sliding doors. I kind of wandered around and ended up standing in front of the doors, wondering what to do. I heard them arguing. He was yelling at her telling her that he would not allow her to do this again. She exited soon after and grabbed me and drug me out of there and back home. After a bit the phone rang and it was this guy asking for me. Willie answered the phone and he just handed it to me. This guy told me I had to get out of the house, that I had to get my baby and leave and come meet him. Charlotte went into a rage, saying that he just had the hots for me, taking the phone away and slamming it down. I had no clue what was going on, but I was leaving the next morning anyway and did not want involved. I awoke the next morning to find everything gone, my car, my suitcase, my keys. I asked Charlotte where my things were and she told me to come downstairs, that she wanted to show me something. She put in a video tape showing black satanic rituals, them killing people. She then told me they were satanists and that I was their captive. That they also ran a prostitution ring and that I would be prostituting or they would kill my child. I was then terrified and just clinging to Carey, trying to figure out what to do, how to escape. They had me locked in and under watch every second. That evening I was instructed to make some hotdogs, put them on a plate and follow her cousing, the weirdo, down to the basement. I did what I was told to find a woman naked ankle chained to a metal bed in this dark and dank, wet, basement. She was rail thin and beaten down. The food was for her. She was this cousins sex slave and I was told she was used to concieve and birth babies for rituals. Another thing Charlotte did, she sat me down in the living room again and put on a reel to reel tape recording. Have you ever heard the song Roller Coaster by Ohio players or something like that. That song was playing, but it was muffled, and there was a woman screaming on the tape, that was the main sound on the tape with this song playing muffled in the background. She told me that this band was recording this song at the fairground, the hotel there, and that they murdered this girl in the next room while they were recording their song, but they were also recording the murder in the room they were in. I know this sounds crazy, but that is what she told me and on this reel to reel, this girl was screaming, this recording was in the room with this girl, not that band. To this day I cannot hear that song without freaking out. Anyway, the next day in the afternoon they all left, telling Willie to stay with me and not let me out of his sight. We just sat there in the living room with Carey playing in the floor. After some time Willie started talking, and he kept repeating that he could not let them hurt that baby. With this I started talking to Willie, asking him to let me out. He said he couldnt, that they would hurt him if he did. I told him that I would leave the baby with him, that I was not going anywhere or doing anything to get away, that I just had to get the baby some milk, that he knew I would come right back because I was leaving my baby there with him. He finally agreed and let me out. I ran like the wind for blocks until I came to a small store. I went in and asked them to please let me use the phone. The manager took me to his office and I called my parents collect. I told them what was happening, the address and that I had to get back to Carey, and I hung up and ran back. We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, but I know it was no time at all, but when you are in that situation, it seems like eternity. Finally the police where banging down the door and barging in, taking Willie into custody and getting me and Carey out. They took me to the police station and I told them all, even about Stevie, the guy and the argument and his calling me telling me to leave the house to meet him. They knew who I was talking about, told me that they knew about the family and the things they were doing, that they were prime suspects in the murders of their own family members, but they never could obtain enough evidence to arrest them. Oh, and they got the woman in the basement out, I did not forget about her and told them immediately she was down there chained up. They knew about their prostitution ring also, but again did not have enough evidence to convict them. After all the interrogation, they took me to a hotel and put me up in a room with a police guard outside the door. That evening, Stevie showed up with one of the officers and they let him inside. He sat with me the rest of the night and told me about his trying to save me from this, but they would have killed him as well, that he was just trying to get me to leave and go. My brother was on the way to retrieve Carey and I, and the next morning he did arrive. Now this is the same brother, my oldest, that went after my husband that night. He is a Navy Seal, spent to tours in Vietnam, one as a POW, and was retained later by the military to go in and bring out the rest of the POWs. He is a black belt in Twikondo, or however you spell it, a teacher of the art, and a diver for the state. He is one mean machine and that is no joke. He showed up with two guys in tow, his best friend who is equally as mean, and one of my long ex boyfriends of all people. They were packing and out for blood. I just wanted to go home, but they had different plans. He demanded that I show him the way to their house, and said he was getting all our things back, my car, my keys, my clothes, or people were going to die. Unbelievably they were there, I figured they would be arrested already. He went in like the national guard, welding guns and making them kneel and cower, commanding them to do this and that. You never seen a weirdo run and bring a car so fast out of a locked garage. After everything was returned, we left and his one friend drove my car home. Stevie called me the next night as I had given him my phone number. He said they were after him and that he was getting ready to peel out for another state, that he would come through Missouri and call me when he arrived. He never called again and to this day I do not know what happened to him. Then I got the call that they had all been arrested and that they did not need me to testify because they had them on the murder charges now of all the others, enough to put them all away for life, so need to drag me through all that, and I could just go on in peace and heal. The next year the carnival came through again, and the people who owned the roadshow were really very good people, I had gotten to know the wife of the owner well over the years. I went and saw her and she told me that in Florida the police came in and arrested the husband and brother, and their family and hauled them away for murder in Indiana. That is when she found out what they had done to me. But I guess it did not stop them totally because a couple years later another woman with a small baby was lured out the same way I was and it happened to her also. I stopped going to carnivals after that.

But anyway, after all this, I began dating a man and was partially living with him, to help take care of his two kids. One day he told me to not touch the books in this particular bookcase. I wondered why, but did not ask anything, he seemed adamant and then closed up about it. One night we sat talking by candle light, facing each other cross legged in the floor. Suddenly he startled back and screamed. I was like what they heck is wrong with him, and he calmed down and told me that as he was looking at me, he saw this creature, this demonic like face appear over mine. It scared me and then I told him what had happened to me in Indiana. It was then that he confessed to me that he was Wiccan, and the books he told me to not touch were Wiccan books, that he did not want me to get involved in that side of his life. He said that he felt they were after me and was worried and that Stevie was no longer alive, that they got to him before he got away. That something was after me, them or something. It was frightening. Now here I stood all these years later recalling all this, feeling something was on me, and it was me, not my husband. God began telling me to call this certain church. I had heard about the church but was leery of them, they were different then any church I had ever been to, I knew that from hearing things. God just kept pressing this on me though, so one night at work one of the members came in. I pulled him aside and asked him, emabarrassingly for me, if he believed in demon possession. He said of course, and asked me what was going on. I kind of briefly filled him in and he told me that he was going to have Pastor Frank call me, that he was seer and if there was anything on me Frank would see it immediately. I got off work, it was almost midnight, and had just got home when the phone rang and it was this Pastor. He asked me to come see him the next morning at his office. I walked in and he and this woman were in the office, he introduced her as his help. He was a huge strong man, very powerful and no nonsense. Intimidating. He told me to sit down and tell them what was going on. I began talking and shortly the woman interrupted and asked him if he sees the dark covering over me. He said yes. I was like what, there is something over me? She told me that I was completely covered in a black shroud. She assured me that I was not possessed in any way, but there was a demonic presence covering me completely. They told me they would help me and it was now going to leave me. They stood me in the middle of the room and he layed his hands on me and she wrapped her arms around me. They began praying and casting out. And then I felt it, I literally felt this thing. I do not know how to describe it, but when I was a kid there was this old black and white movie that came out called "The blob". It was like this black blob of thick rubbery oil that kept growing as it consumed people until it was so huge it covered buildings. That is what it felt like, this heavy thick blob sliding over me and off. I literally felt it move over me and start going over this woman. When I felt it moving over the top of her I screamed. All I could think about was it was going onto her, that is was suppose to go away and now it was going onto her. I started screaming this, and she told me it was okay, that it was going over the top of her but it could not stay on her, it would go over and off. Then it was gone. I cannot tell you how it felt after it was over. I felt it gone and I felt totally different. I really could not remember ever feeling this way, and felt like this thing must have always been on me, or been there for so long that I did not know what it felt like to be without it. I felt light, I felt free.

Pastor then explained to me that it was not over yet. That my husband was indeed possessed. He told me what I had to do, and he cautioned me to never confront my husband, that he was in bad shape and the demonic presence would hurt me. That if he acted strangely, viotile, to just leave the house immediately and call him. That they were going into prayer over him right away, and were going to help me. That I should expect to be seeing my husband getting up at night and vomiting, that this would happen as the prayer started driving them out. That there were many, not just one. That he started with one, but over the past two years they had mulitplied greatly and that is why he kept getting worse and his appearance was changing, that they were actually killing him slowly. So Frank became my mentor, and he went to work with me to drive these demonic entities out of my life. I still felt like I was in a low budget horror movie, this was so crazy and unreal.

Before too long Paige was born and the state handed her over to me at birth. For those of you who do not know, my daugher, Paiges biological mother, was a heroin addict. They took her baby at birth and ordered her into my custody. Paige did not even really know her biological mom until two years ago. She had seen her now and then but did not know who she was, she just began calling her sissy, I guess thinking she was a sister. I tried to raise Paige as her grandmother, but Paige began to not understand and became very confused. When she began talking she would call me mommy, and I would correct her and tell her I was memaw. My Pastor told me to stop doing this, that to her I was her mommy and to try to sway her in any other way was just going to confuse her more. I did not listen and the next thing I knew Paige was like the little bird looking for her mother. She began calling my friends mommy, and then she climbed up on the end of the bed one night and pointed to me and said memaw, then at Kevin and said "Mommy"? I knew then that this baby was very confused and I stopped, so for Paige I am her mommy and her real mother is her sissy. We just leave it alone, for now anyway. And for me, she is my daughter, I have bonded with her in that way and it is very hard for me. Kevin worsened even more after this, resenting Paige, my daughter, the invasion in his territory. He did not want any kids to raise.

Now here is where I confess my fall. My husband had a good friend that came to the house often. One day I was doing laundry which is right outside his private sanctuary, and I heard him talking to this friend about me, badly. I could not make it all out, but he was talking about me and leaving me. I really didnt care that much to be honest. Things were very bad. Some weeks later this friend came into my work, and he and the guy with him were talking about me. He asked the guy what he thought, if I would look good on the back of his bike, and the guy was yea! I told him, "In your dreams". He then retorted that he knew I would not get on the back of his bike, I had too much to lose to do that. The comment perplexed me. When he came back in the next time I pulled him aside and aksed him what that comment was about. He began talking to me and told me that he really was concerned for me, that Kevin was being very evil towards me and he was not dealing well with it, that I was a good woman and did not deserve what my husband was doing, that he would give his right arm to be with me, and it just made him mad to have to see and hear this stuff. He then told me that my husband told him in the back room that he was leaving me, but that I had a injury settlement coming and he was just waiting on that, to take it from me and then he was out of there. He told me that Kevin was very malicious towards me, that I just did not know how much so and it was making him sick. We began talking alot, him coming in to see me and talk. He was going through a breakup, and we were crying on one anothers shoulders. After some time he began saying that he loved me and started begging me to leave Kevin and let him take care of me. I was resisting, explained to him that I could not do such a thing, that maybe if one day Kevin left and divorced me, then I may be with him, but I could not do this. He continued to press me and I honestly should have just cut the whole thing off then and there, but I continued to talk to him at work, and then outside of work on the phone and at his place of work. I made sure we were never alone though. I told him that never would he physically touch me as long as I was married. He knew that clearly. I was drawn in by him because for a couple years now it had been so cold and dark in my marriage, and I felt so unloved, and this man was lavishing me with love. Then one night something happened with my addicted daughter. I asked my son to keep an eye on Paige for a minute while I went to check on something. I went to his house and asked him some questions concerning my daughter, as he was city councilman and he knew things. He was laying in the bed under the sheet, naked and he told me to sit down on the edge of the bed and talk. I refused, pacing the room telling him I should not be there and I had to go. Suddenly he grabbed my arm and pulled me down, and basically a date rape kind of thing happened. I fought him and when he finally figured out that I was serious, he jumped up and let me go. It was only seconds actually, but he had forced himself on me for seconds. I was traumatized, ran out and collapsed in the road crying. I drove home and jumped in the shower, scrubbing my skin off, or trying to. I never told a soul, I was mortified and I felt like I had committed the ultimate sin. I had no more to do with him after this, refused to even talk to him anymore, told him to stay away from me.

One day Paiges real mother came and asked if she could take her to the park for awhile, and I let her, and she never came back. She disappeared with her. I went nuts, called the police who went looking for her. She showed back up by morning handing her over, exhausted. She said that she had went and picked up her addict criminal boyfriend and they holed up in a hotel room at the lake. That he shot up in the room and was overdosing all night, and she was totally freaked out with this happening with Paige in the bed. She was sorry and just wanted to get her back to me and go. Kevin and I had fought most of the night, him saying horrible things in my mind about me having to take care of Paige. He was so evil then. I became hysterical when she showed up, I just broke down and gripped onto that baby like she was my life. There my daughter was standing there on the porch saying all this to me and then he steps out on the porch and starts in and I lost it, I screamed at them both to get out, get off my porch and never darken my door again, that I wanted them both out of my life now, that I did not want anyone but Paige in this house from now on, that everyone needed to leave us alone. He then changed his tune and began pleading with me to let him stay, but I was in a hysterical state at this moment and just kept screaming for them both to leave. My daughter exited quickly and my husband collected his things and dragged out of her behind her.

I kept my dark secret through all of this. Kevin again went to stay down the road with his friend and began calling me, just like before and again I gave in and let him come back. Pastor Frank was right, he began getting up and vomiting in the night. I kept my distance and just tried to do what I was told. He kept getting worse it seemed, but now I understand that of couse the demons who had ahold of him were going to fight to keep him. I began getting back stories about him messing with girls on stage, egging them on to strip and such. There is a location here called the Devils Elbow. It is named such because it has been known through history to be an area where black arts were practiced, satanism, Wiccan arts and there were many deaths in the elbow, so much so with car wrecks that they closed the highway through there and rerouted it. He began playing music in a small club located in the elbow and I began hearing tales about the women and him going off with them on breaks. I would confront him and he would angrily deny, hatefully that is.

One day God spoke to me and told me that I had to let go of him and just trust in Him to take care of this, that I was hindering Him. I could not control myself though, this was all new to me, so out there from where I had ever been religously. Then one day God told me to pack some things and go to my parents and stay there, that He was taking my husband out of the home, that He had to in order to deal with him without my interference. I did what God spoke to me, and within 24 hours my husband was gone, my son called to tell me to come home. Even though God told me this, I was wounded that he left, that this kept happening. He moved back to the town we had come from and into a rental house his brother had. I saw him a few days later and he was cold as ice to me. I began doing the things that I was told and this was when God grabbed ahold of me and told me He wanted to show me something. God instructed me to go websurfing for prayer boards and to note how many requests were for marriage troubles. I was overwhelmed at what I found. Then God told me that satan was destroying marriages in the body of Christ, that it was one of his number one attacks, and that through individual families, satan could take down entire churches. God instructed me to start praying for these marriages, to start a prayer fast for marriages in the body of Christ and to rally Christians to join in. So that is what I did. I spent all my time visiting every prayer board on the net I could find and began posting a forty day David fast, vowing that I would continue to fast myself as long as people kept joining the fast until the last person to join completed their forty days. God instructed me to post scriptures and prayers every day of the fast on all the boards I posted on, and I did. The fast event exploded and there were hundreds of Christians that joined up. Little did I know that this was the beginning of this ministry. I was the least likely person to do this, but I have found out for a fact that God calls the least likely people to do a task.

 

[kristie]

This is the point of my spiritual awakening and the actual leaving of my home church and becoming a member at this deliverance church the Lord led me to. I was finally realizing there that the Holy Spirit was a real entity and about the indwelling of the spirit. For the first time in the twenty years since I had come to Christ, I started growing and it happened rapidly.

I was so busy doing this prayer fast that I literally stopping thinking about my own situation. I was praying for everyone else and God was giving me scriptures and lessons to go with them to email out and post to all partcipating in the fast. I became consumed in the fire of God and helping others, it was no longer about me and mine, but about satan and the entire body of Christ. This is when the amazing burning bush manifestations of God began with me. One night I stood on the back glass enclosed porch smoking (yep, still had that habit) while a bad thunder storm was going on. I had been seeking the filling of the Holy Spirit, praying for it and waiting for it, this for many days. God spoke to me as I stood there and told me to go out into the middle of the back yard. It was storming badly out there, lightening crashing down, not something you would go stand out in a wide open space in the middle of. But God told me to do it, and I guess it was just one of my first tests of just trusting Him. I gladly went. He told me outstretch my arms and to just worship Him. So there I was standing in the middle of my backyard with lightening striking around me, drenched it was raining so hard, with my arms stretched out to Heaven and praising the Lord. That was when I recieved the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, He just flooded into me right there in that rain storm. It was awesome.

Also at this time in my stand, my best friend (whose husband is not Christian and she was a church widow like myself as I used to call it..going to church alone) and I decided to do some church hopping. The deliverance church I was now attending had service on Sunday morning, Monday night (Miracle Mondays) and prayer group on Thursday nights. So basically I had Sunday evenings and Weds. evening open, a time when most churches have services. I could not get enough of God, so it was a great idea that I could be in church twice on Sunday, on Weds and on Thursday as well. She was just searching for a new church to join herself. So we started visiting the different churches. I guess I should explain that I live in a Christian community. It is small town and pretty much everyone knows everyone, but there is not a single bar, not allowed her, and a church on every corner instead. Our school system still has God in place, all the teachers being church deacons or deacons wives. We hold Christian sporting events in the school gym and have prayer rallys around the school flag pole, they pray in school still, no crime here...everyone leaves their doors unlocks, no city ordinances to speak of, because everyone respects their neighbor and they were never needed. Sounds like heaven I know, but the down sides are that we are monopolized, one phone company, one cable company, electric company, gas company, internet company (we did not even get internet until '96). There is only one restaurant and now a little drive-in, a Caseys store, and wow! - a general dollar store went in a couple years ago..we are big city now! lol. A library where you do not pay membership and there are no late fees, and to be honest it is the best library I have ever been at. They can get any book I request within days, and my daughter who lives in the big city cannot get the same books. One grocery store and recently one video store, one bank. Small time post office, our mail is even rerouted to the city for sorting. One car dealership, a Christian youth center, and lots of daycares and antique shops, a garden club where every month a residence is awarded a big sign in the yard that says "Yard of the month", and everyone competes. It is Mayberry here and very peaceful. Kids play in the streets without fear, and the town seals off its parimeters to hold festivals, the streets lined with bands and childrens bouncy houses, food, games, craft booths. You get the idea. The sidewalks roll up prompty by eight o'clock however, so do not get hungry after that time. lol! Sounds like there would not be many churches to church jump, but like I said, there is a church on every corner, of every denomination, two of each in some cases.

One evening we visited a penecostal church that is outside the city limits. As I walked through the front doors, God spoke to me and told me this was home. I just felt enveloped in a warmth and love there. So we both stopped church hopping and I started going to all their evening services as well as the deliverance church services. I quickly made friends, sisters in Christ. I worked as a nurse at the time of this wilderness trip, part time weekends and it was difficult with having Paige to raise. A couple sisters at the new church started praying for me a different job or source of income so I did not have to leave Paige. Well, my weekend shift was coming up quick and suddenly I became sicker then I have ever been. I could not stand up without passing out, the room spinning around, weak. I had no idea what was wrong, but I knew I was being afflicted by the enemy. Everything was being afflicted in fact, I had disconnect notices on utilites and car acting up. I dont know how I did it, but I managed to crawl out of bed and get dressed and drive to work. All I can say is God drove me I guess. I walked in and told the very nice Christian weekend supervisor of my physical problems. She could actually see there was problem, because in a upright position I immediately suffered vertigo and passing out. She sat me down quickly and asked me what was going on. I told her the symptoms and I had no idea. She ordered me to go to the emergency room and told me to call back to her and tell her what is going on. I did what she said, and they could not figure out what was causing this (I knew), and just released me. I called her and she told me to stay home that evening and see how I am the next day and let her know. I was under alot of financial pressure and could not afford to be missing my only two work days a week. So I just went in, early, to let her know I would be working my shift. She did not say anything to me, was her usual self. But then a couple of my aides came to me and told me she was talking bad about me on the other unit, and said that evening before after sending to ER, she had actually marked me off the schedule as fired, and I was not even on the schedule for that evening. That she decided to have me work it in a fired status just to cover the shift, but that actually I was no longer employed there and they thought I should know this. I immediately called her on the house phone and asked her what was going on, and then she got rude with me and told me to contact the Don on Monday, that was all she was saying. I was not going to abandon my unit, so I finished out the night, and everyone was pretty much appalled at what she had done. The next Monday I went in and searched down the Don. She asked me what is going on, and I said I dont know...you need to tell me. She said that she had absolutely no clue and to just come to her office and she would try to get to the bottom of this. She asked me what happened and I told her, and she was puzzled as well. I ended up telling her to just not worry about it, that I needed to quit working here anyway, it was not working out for me with Paige, and that I just had a feeling because of the craziness of it all, that it was not explainable but that God was in control. When things happen that do not make sense, you can count on it being a spiritual thing. I returned home to find my drug addict daughter and her boyfriend in my house ramsacking it. They would go into their families homes when no one was around and steal everything for drugs, it was a common behavior of theirs. They were all hopped up and crazy acting, refusing to get out, so I had to call the police and have them removed. At this point my head was spinning from it all. Then suddenly the Holy Spirit overcame me and I dropped to the floor in laughing. It was the first time that I experienced joy and laughter in the spirit. I was like this for about three days before it subsided, just overjoyed and could not stop laughing. I had a church service the second night and Pastor called everyone up to the alter and then went down the row and laid hands on our heads, when he placed his hands on my head, be doubled up in laughter too. It was just days later that a book that I had written a year back suddenly went crazy in sales. I mean unbelievable crazy, it was bringing in a $1000 a week and it held its sales for two years running at this range, until people from the UK began bootlegging my work and selling it a very undercut prices. They eventually flooded the market with my own copyright infringed book and there was nothing I could do to stop them, it became impossible to control. The saturation of my book at cheap cheap prices caused all sales to dwindle and come to a halt for all, myself and the thieves. But it became clear that God removed me from my job and then opened up the floodgates of prosperity with my book. I would tease the sisters who were praying about my job and tell them they prayed me into being fired, and we would all laugh.

So anyway, I was hard and furious in this fast God led me out to do. Then one day I was passing by the tv room and something just stopped me in my tracks. Paula White was on and she started saying that by this time tomorrow, God is going to bring you together or something like that. I felt a piercing of the Spirit, quickening it is called, and I knew what she was saying was for me. I had been having problems with my contacts. I had recently gotten a new checkup and prescription and they were not right. I could not see far away, I could not read and I was suffering bad eye strain headaches. I had complained to the eye doc who prescribed them, but he was being ugly and defensive in response, saying he knew what he was doing and not helping me. So not being able to live like this, I decided I just needed to drive back to our old town before we moved here. At this time I had not heard a word from my husband nor seen him since about two days after he left and when he was so cold to me. He worked in the city that was one hour in the opposite direction of where our current home was, so actually two hours from our old place of residency. I had just assumed that he went to stay in the city where he worked, he would not drive two hours one way everyday to work, I knew that. To go back to our old place of residence it was actually a fortyfive minute drive for me, but I had a lead foot always, one of my bad habits that has cost me alot. I have lost my license once and have come one to three points away from losing it again twice now. I am happy to say that currently I have that habit under control..but I am also currently a couple points from suspension, one more ticket and I am toast. My insurance is high as well. But anyway, I made an appointment with my old eye doctor and the next day was the day of that appointment. I drove all the way ove there just to be told that the doctor had something come up and had to leave, so all appointments had been canceled. I was very discouraged at this point and decided to just go to the local super Walmart and see if they would help me, because it was my area Walmart, the Lake, that had given me the bad script. Maybe a different doctor under their company would help me, and maybe even for free. So I headed to the super Walmart. The parking lot there is huge, it is one of the biggest Walmarts in the country, I guess because of the military base. I parked out in no mans land and the lot was full, and I looked up to see my husbands van in the facing row about three cars down from me. I panicked. What the heck was he doing here? I started to just bolt, but then God spoke to me and said, "I told you by this time tomorrow", and I checked my watch and sure enough, this time tomorrow was only about 30 minutes away. So I forced myself to go in, but once in I hurriedly rushed to the eye clinic and checked on being seen. They told me they would help me, but I had a thirty minute wait, Oh Geez! I decided to just hide in the eye clinic, so I took a seat out of view of the main store. Within seconds it seems, my stepson was standing right in front of me and saying hi. It startled me. He said his dad was somewhere in the store, and that I should go find him. I just kind of muttered around and got up and began walking. I was doging down female product aisles, thinking no way would I run into him there. Then I looked up and he was coming directly at me, locked in his sights. I just kind of stopped and was standing there speechless, but he walked right up and started chatting with me like old friends. He was carrying paint cans and brushes and said that they had moved into his brothers old closed up rental house and he was trying to fix it up a little bit, and that was why he was at Walmart. He then began asking me more personal questions, like was I seeing anyone, and what had I been doing, etc. I told him no, and how I had been in church most of my days, about the church hopping and finding this great new church and actually attending both churches which pretty much had me in church almost everyday, and the fast I was on (not telling him what for however). We began talking about God some, him kind of asking me questions. Then this lady walked up that knew him and was greeting him, and he quickly introduced me as his wife and introduced her as a sister to one of his kids mothers. I knew here well and had part time raised this child named Adam. We had him most weekends in the first years of our living together and marriage. I was surprised though that he introduced me almost lovingly as his wife. After she parted, he asked me if he could call me and see me sometime. I told him I guess so, and then it was time for me to get back to my eye appointment, so we parted ways.

I was home only moments when he called and asked me if I would come meet with him at the lake. I did, and he wanted to get intimate, saying how much he missed me. Strange, because we were not intimate forever before he left, and I, like many of you have felt, was very uncomfortable with this. I went ahead and let him be intimate, and we talked a long time about God and things, but he was really off track, but it was hopeful because before you could not even mention God to him. Afterwards I was really yakking hard at God about this intimacy thing, and God spoke to me and told me it was His plan, that I was to submit to my husband as he was still my husband, and it was one of the ways He kept the marriage bed pure while my husband was out in the wilderness, and it lined up with His written word, and He gave me the scripture on it, one that I now give to everyone here when they are asking about it. Well, this became a daily thing after that. He was calling me everyday and asking me to come meet with him. By this time I was like seventy some days into the fast, vowing to continue to fast as long as others were fasting, having come into the fast well after it originally started. I think my fast ended right at 72 days. I was also looking pretty good at this point! lol! But he then started asking me to let him come home and I was very hesitant on this knowing that God took him out and God needed to be the one that brought him home, not any decision of mine. So I just kept telling him that God would decide when that would happen. This went on another week or so and finally I agreed to let him come home. He was so excited that day. I arrived to his rental house and his band members were there. He ran out to greet me and rushed me into the house and was lushing all over me in front of them, saying he was so happy to be going home. They left and he loaded up and came home.

 

[kristie]

I had forgotten to tell of another incident prior to him coming home. He called me one night and asked me to come to the rental house. I went, and that was a really bad night. He was very depressed and said that he was going to just kill himself, that he was a horrible person, had messed up his sons life, was not forgivable by God, and some really negative things. I tried to talk to him, and we went back and forth, from lifting up to sinking low again. I just laid there with my hands on him praying my heart out silently. We spent the entire night with him going from laying peacefully to the next minute turning violent and raging, to the depressive stuff and wanting to kill himself, back and forth and all around all night long. It was scary. My morning he was steadily at the point of feeling like there was some hope for him. I also forgot to tell about the cleansing of the house. I started to tell that but got sidetracked. I did everything Brother Frank told me to do while Kevin was out this time. One of those things was to cleanse and bless the house. It was actually the Catholic friend I had met online and the first one to tell me that my husband was possessed, that helped me with this. She sent me a detailed step by step instruction for cleansing and blessing. I did this not long after returned back home myself from the Lord sending me to my parents. The morning after doing this, I left and drove to my parents, about thirty minutes drive. When I pulled into their drive, my mom ran out meeting me and told me I had to go back home, that my son had called hysterical over something that was happening in the house, and he needed me to come back home immediately. She said she was very worried, she had never known Corey to get upset like this, and I didnt either. He was kind of a strong quiet guy. I rushed back home and when I came in he was still very shaken and just rambling excitedly. He kept saying, "It was like something out of the Apocolyse mom, it really was and I know I have never believed in this stuff, but I am now a believer!" After calming him, because I could not see anything apparently wrong when I came in, he told me that after I left he was in the bathroom and all of a sudden millions upon millions of these weird looking winged bugs started coming out of the floor, the bathroom floor, the hallway floor outside the bathroom, coming right up through the floor. He said there was so many that they were like a couple inches thick, a solid blanket of them that ended up covering the bathroom, hallway and dining room floor. That they started in the bath and hall and made there way across the dining room and went out under the dining room side porch door. That it took them about an hour. That they were acting like they were trying to fly but could only sorta hop. He said he captured some of them in a plastic baggie, and he showed them to me. They were actually beautiful bugs. They had real long irridescent wings. The closet thing I have found simular to them was actually a termite..I think a queen termite, but the wings were not this long, and I questioned if they were actually termites. I had the house checked though and no sign of any termites or termite damage, and I showed the man the captured bugs and he said they were not termites and that he did not know what they were actually. I then called my Pastor at the deliverance church and told him what had happened. He said, "Kris, you have been so skeptical about the realness of demonic beings, and I think what happened in your home was demonic beings being driven out from the cleansing and blessing. That God gave a physical manifestation of this event because you have been so skeptical, you needed to see this and realize that this is real, so He is showing you". I can tell you that a couple times since this event I have been working on the ministry, doing a teaching or something important, and out of nowhere I would be plagued with one or two huge horse flies, in my house, right at my computer. One of these times I got so aggravated that I yelled out rebuking the flie and when I did, it dropped instantly from where it was buzzing in my face, dead on my keyboard. As well as more dramatic manifestations that I will try to remember to note further on.

But anyway, he came home and he was not really any better when it came to the Lord, but at least you could say "God" to him at this point. But it was not long at all before he was right back to very bad. The raging, anger, cursing the Lord, the odor, all of it. As I have said, this progressively worsened all throughout this time span of three to four years.

He was still with the band and out playing in clubs. Way back up there...recall that I had quit going because I was just burnt out on it all, but for these past couple years and with the change in me spiritually, I had been refusing because I was actually repulsed at the thought. I could not be around that stuff and wouldnt be. I was even all throughout this time somewhat chastizing him for it, saying things like (as he was going out the door to a show), "You off to play in the devils playground again tonight"? He would get so mad when I would say stuff like that. I was always throwing scriptures at him. I was just very intolerent of sin, to an extreme, as well as ignorance to the word of God. By this time I was already working in the other ministry for the Pastor of that ministry, leading the marriage division of that ministry. It was at this time that God brought me to my knees showing me that I was too spiritually rigid as God put it, that I could never draw anyone to the cross by beating them with the bible. That I had to give alittle, knowing that I was secure in Christ, and now capable of handling sin around me without falling into sin myself. That I was being contentious to my husband. I was shocked, the one thing that I swore on my life that I was not was contenious. But God gave me the clear revelation of my conteniousness. I then would occasionally go out to watch him play, in one of the more family oriented clubs which was a restaurant with a bar. I still was very very uncomfortable and wanted to spend most of my time in the parking lot at the car, but I made myself sit there for short periods just to show some interest in him and what he was doing. But he was cold to me even there, sometimes making sarcastic remarks that cut me or acting indifferent to me being there, instead of coming off stage directly to me, he would instead go to the bar or to talk to someone else, so I did not do it for very long. He just seemed to be getting worse all the time.

Then one night he did not come home at all from one of these shows. That was not like him, he had never not come home at all, he may have come home and holed up away from me in his private room, but never just not home at all. He showed up early in the morning and said that was too tired to drive and just stayed at the soundmans house. I was not really buying into this because I knew from the things he had told me, that he would do this stuff and give these kinds of excuses to his ex, Mary. He was actually spending the night with other women he met up with in the club. I let it go though having no proof of anything. A week later, he left to go play in the Devils Elbow, a place I hated. I decided to go and check out what was going on. I got there to find that no one was there, it was closed and he was no where to be found. I have no clue where to even look, so I just went home. I ended up falling asleep and was jolted awake at 6 in the morning by God. He told me to get dressed and drive. He told me to drive to the soundmans house. This was an hour away, but I went. I found Kevins van there, so I went and knocked on the door. Finally James yelled to come in. This was just a camper trailer by the way, on the river, so standing inside the door I could see directly into the bedroom. James was there with some woman in the bed. I asked him where my husband is and he said he didnt know. I said yes you do know, and you need to tell me where he is, I am not leaving until you do. He then crabbily said that Kevin left with some people, two women. I exited and got in my car, but then that is when the devil got ahold of me for a spell, simular to Clara Harris. I had just had enough, and next thing I knew I had the tire iron out of my trunk and was smashing all the windows out of his van. I got inside and totally destroyed all of the stage equipment, beat it to a pulp with that tire iron. I grabbed the snake box which you could not beat up, and took it with me, intending to pitch it into the river. James meanwhile ran out onto the porch and was screaming for me to stop, and he said if I did not stop he was going to call the cops. I told him to call the cops, what were they going to do, arrest me for destroying my own property as this was communial property and it was half mine. I exhausted myself, doing as much damage as I could, and I then just left. I raced home and proceeded to grab everything he owned, all his clothes, pictures, everything that was his, including two huge stage amps that were stored in the garage, and dragged it all outside where I began smashing what would smash to a pulp, cutting up what would not smash, dowsing it all with charcoal fluid and set it on fire. I must have had super human strength because I slung around the huge stage amps like they were nothing, amps that take two men to move. The whole time my son was following me and screaming at me to stop, what was I doing, just stop. But it was all so surreal, it was like inside I was shocked at what I was doing, but I was totally powerless to stop myself. Like I was watching a really horrible movie, but was not actually a part of it and had no control of stopping it. Then I grabbed red spray paint cans and headed for his beloved boat, oh and a knife. I slashed all the tires on his boat trailer and on his band trailer. Then I spray painted all over his boat things like "I hope the whore was worth it!" and "Whoremonger". After that, it was like I was dropped, like something let loose of me and just let me fall away and out of it. I was sitting there dazed and mortified at what I had done. Scared. I held his hatchett in my hand. I was freaked out totally, wondering what the heck had happened, and I ran and called my Pastor hysterical saying I had done something really bad. He got me calmed down enough to share some of what happened, and I told him I was scared, that Kevin was going to kill me, I know it. He just kept telling me it was alright, that enough was enough and anyone who had taken all I had from Kevin would have reacted in the same way, that no one would blame me for what I had done, that he would have probably done the same thing, it was just enough. I hung up from him and then called the police and asked them to come quickly, that I had destroyed everything my husband owns and he was surely on his way by now and would kill me when he sees this, that I needed their help. They got here before he did, thank the Lord, because he was in a rage. He came straight at me like he was going to kill me, and I still had that darn hatchett in my hands, forgot to put it down. I raised it at him and told him that if he came near me I would use it. They grabbed him and he started screaming that I was threatening him with a hatchett and they were grabbing him, what was up with that. They told him that he had to leave the property, or he would be arrested. He was furious, and he asked them if he could leave his boat and trailer and get them later, and they asked me if this was okay and I said no, please remove him and everything else now, do not let him come back here with me alone. So they made him hitch the boat up and abandon the trailer, giving it to me. He was getting ready to pull out when I noticed the title to his boat laying in the bedroom floor, I must have dropped it when I was hauling everything outside from his drawers. I grabbed it and then felt like this was the time right now to confess what had happened with me and his friend. His band was scheduled to play in two weeks for the fall festival, hired by this friend. So I wrote a note on the title envelope confessing my own affair of the heart with Rick, and I yelled at the officer to give this title to his boat to him before he left. When he did, Kevin read it and jumped back out of his van and shoved through the cops making his way to the front door. They were right on his tail and had ahold of his arms, but he was fighting and screaming for me to talk to him, could we just talk. I told him through tears to just leave, there was nothing to talk about. He kept yelling to talk to me and with that my son stepped out and told him to just go. He asked the cops if he could talk to me and I heard them tell him not today, maybe in a few days if she wants to, but right now you are banned from this property and if we find you back here, you will be arrested on the spot.

I was just numb and sat here for a few moments after they all left. I did watch him go, and in after reflection have to say that I have never seen anything as funny as him hauling that boat down the street with flat tires. Here was this boat with all this stuff wrote all over it in bright red spray paint hopping, jumping up in the air and slamming back down over and over again, going down main street, and making quite the racket. It had to be a very humiliating specticle for him. But at the moment there was nothing funny to me. At some point it hit me that he may go straight after his friend, and I jumped up and grabbed the phone to warn him. He had a woman living with him by now and she answered the phone. I hurriedly asked her where Rick was, and she told me on the roof patching it. I told her that it was urgent, who I was, and that my husband may be coming there, and that is when she told me my husband was there and on the roof with him. I told her to get out there and call the police if anything was going on, that my husband was not there on friendly terms and may hurt him. Later on I did drive over there and talk to Rick, and he said that Kevin showed up and came up on the roof and told him to stand up and face him. He did and Kevin asked him if he had anything he needed to tell him, and Rick said no, I dont think so. My husband then asked him if he had slept with me, and told him that he was going to throw him off the roof if he did not tell him the truth. He said he told him no, that we had never slept together, never, that it was just all talking and nothing more and why would he think such a thing. Kevin responded that I had just busted him with another woman and I had confessed to hurt him back. He said Kevin then turned from him and began climbing down stating that he could find another band to play at the festival, and he left. Whew! He asked me then why I told him anything, and I just explained to him that I am not the kind of person to have an affair and what happened in the end was never supposed to happen and he knew that, and I could not live with this in silence anymore, now seemed the best time to tell him, better now when everything is exploded already then any other time. That now I could put it to rest within myself and forgive myself.

 

[kristie]

He began calling me that night, horrible calls. He was just being brutal, telling me that he had slept with so many women during our marriage that he could not even count them or name them. (Later he confessed he just said that to wound me). He said things to me that I cannot even repeat here, I am to this day scarred from them and self conscious. These calls went on for about three days, from his brothers phone, and finally I called his brother and told him that if Kevin called me one more time I was going to press charges, to make him stop. The calls then stopped, but then about the fifth day I was going into the store when he pulled up and began screaming at me. I just ran to my car and took off and he then tried to run me off the road. I went straight to the police dept. and told them. I did not see him or hear from him anymore after this.

I was a shipwreck this time. I gave up and I was even questioning if God was real. I climbed on the couch and just went into a depression. My Pastor and best friend became very concerned, and would come sit with me. I kept telling them that I was confused, was all of this a lie, and if God was a lie, then I am just a dead woman because He is all I have. I just could not understand after all that had happened and God telling me to marry this man, stopping me from leaving him back before the marriage, telling me to stay and forgive when the adulteries happened and for what, this?, was I just being tormented by God or what, nothing made sense to me at this point. I was just in this depressive fog and would go sit on the front porch and just rock often. One day I just got up and started walking and ended up at the mail box, got the mail, everything was kind of mechanical for me it seemed. Inside was a manilla envelope, no return address. I walked back to the porch and opened it and inside were three books written by R.W. Schambach. They were new and I have no clue who sent them. I opened the first one and first story was about a woman who barged into one of his revivals and came straight up to the stage angerily waving a peice of paper at him, and was yelling, "Tell me now that God is never too late!" He took the peice of paper from her and saw that it was a divorce decree. He handed it back to her and said, "Mam, I dont know what you read here, but I read, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." And then he stepped down and laid hands on her and said, "Holy Spirit, go after this rascal husband of hers and put a hook in his mouth and drag him back to the cross!" He was on a tour of revivals and he said upon finally returning home off tour, he found a letter awaiting him from this woman. She wrote that upon returning home that night from the revival, she found her husband sitting at the kitchen table, that they reconciled, remarried, and he was now studying to be a minister. I opened the second book, and another story about restoration, the third, yet another story of marriage restoration. I knew that God was speaking to me to get up and stop doubting, get back to work.

There were many manifestations of God in this particular wilderness trip. It brought me to a higher level in God for sure, as through these manifestations He made Himself so real to me. One day my best friend asked me if I wanted to go visit her old church with her. I really did not want to miss a service at my own church, I was done with church hopping and very much into just filling and growing and did not like missing getting that filling. But I felt for some reason that I needed to go. I followed her out in my own car, it was way out in the country, and when I pulled into the parking lot of the church, I was flooded with memories. I suddenly knew why I was there. It was the church that Kevin drove us to that morning and I had such a breakdown over. I sat there with tears streaming and God was prompting me, "Remember that day, the day that Kevin fell completely away because you were resistant to change." God has this way of knocking us to our knees with things we have done that actually helped the enemy afflict our lives and marriages. I was having one of those moments of revelation. The members of the church were really good people, and they all huddled around me at the end of service and laid on hands and prayed for Kevin and our marriage.

At the deliverance church, there were alot of things going on. We built a rock alter. One of the men built a wood frame and then we were told to gather stones and to write the names of those we wanted to come to Christ or back to Christ on the stone and attach it to the alter, thereby creating a huge stone alter of names. I found a nice smooth stone and wrote Kevins name on it in red, for the blood of Christ, and placed it on the alter. I mention this, because further along I will come back to this alter. Every Thursday night those who gathered to pray would gather around this alter, lay hands on it and pray together.

There was a man who was a prophet that came to the church every now and then, his name was Mike. I did not know him, he was not a regular there, but a traveling prophet I guess. I was sitting in the service one day and Pastor Frank walked to the center of the alter and looked straight at me and crooked his finger. I motioned, "Me?" and he shook his head yes. I wish all of you could meet Pastor Frank, so you could know what it was like to be around him. I do not know how to describe him. He is a big man, and I do not mean heavy. He is a black man and just huge, tall and muscled. He is very straight faced and serious, quiet, but when he speaks it is thundering and pierces you. He has this overwhelming spirit of God around him, a holiness. He is married and has kids, and often I would watch him and wonder how anyone could be married to him, that it would be like constantly being under a microscope of God or something. I could not imagine him even doing normal human things. He is like a Holy man, everything about him and it is like he sees everything you are even thinking and doing. You are just totally humbled around him. I went up to the alter and him, Pastor Rick and Mike, the prophet stepping in front of me, with Mike in the middle. Mike laid his hands on my head, and it was like a jolt went through me and I almost collapsed but Frank held me up. I only remember the first couple of words of which he called me "Ruth". Something about Boaz, and then I just became so sleepy that I kind of was out of it, what they call drunk in the Spirit, but I could hear the church congregation hooping and praising the Lord. Something about prosperity also, but I really got none of it I was so out of it. I just remember waking up and I was laying on the alter with a blanket over me. I will later come back to this event as well. Another time, after service, I was sitting at the side of the alter with a friend just talking, and I looked up to see Pastor Frank standing across the alter staring at me. He walked over slowly and He said something about a great battle was all around me, that he could see it and it was furious, it looked like a tornado swirling around me, that it was about something big, not small time big, but very big and then he just turned a walked away. Another day I was down praising and worshipping, we would all gather up front of the alter and dance and sing to the Lord. When praise and worship ended and I was walking back up the aisle (this church is like a ampthreatre type setup), Prophet Mike stepped out in front of me. He said that while I was down front, God spoke to him and told him, "Behold my beloved daughter", and he looked down at me and he saw me dressed in a flowing white gown dancing before the Lord, and a glow was all around me, and he said then God spoke again and said, "Behold her, she is so beautiful to me." I honestly cannot tell you what that meant to me, to actually hear how much God loved me and thought I was beautiful, it was a precious gift to me then and now.

One night, probably a couple months after Kevin had left, he called me out of the blue. He was still very hateful and I am really not sure why he called me, because it was just to wound me. He just told me that he never loved me and if I was the last woman on earth he would not come back to me. That was it. I was shaken, why would he call me at all, why was God letting him. I broke down crying and I called Pastor Frank sobbing and told him that Kevin called and what he said to me. Frank sharply asked me why I was calling him crying about this, did I not believe God could change Kevin, that God could not bring him back?! I said yes, and he said, "then why are you calling me crying, because that is doubt and doubt will gain you nothing". Brother Frank is stern and to the point. It jolted me upright and I knew exactly what he was saying to me. I was however in a bad spell for some reason. It was the next day or so that I was just thinking that maybe I should forget all this, that maybe I should just go be with Rick or something, maybe that would be better then all this battle and weariness. I was in the shower thinking all this stuff and I got out and went to my room. The tv was on, as I kept both tvs going around the clock on Christian channels. The 700 club was on and they had just finished praying and giving word over people, like they do, it was the woman and younger man. I do not watch it much, so do not know their names. But he was wrapping it up and moving on, and she was just sitting there with this strange look on her face. I noticed it immediately and then he noticed it and asked her if she needed to say something. She said that there was a woman standing before the television right this moment, and this woman is thinking about moving on into a new relationship, and that God was telling her to tell this woman that she was not to settle for second best, but was to wait upon the man that God has given her. Once again, God was physically reaching out and grabbing ahold of me. The days are kind of mingled all into one, but it was this same week that again I found myself just standing in the middle of the living room sobbing. I was just weary and battle worn I guess. He had never been gone this long and so silent accept for the hate calls. Every thing was just so different this time, even the manifestations of God for that matter. If I remember correctly this is the same wilderness trip that God told me to leave the ministry I was in and put up CPR and I ignored him. Anyway, I was just standing there sobbing and the phone rang. It was a woman and she said that I did not know her, but she was from Schambach ministries (there was Schambach again, had never heard of this Pastor until those books came). She said that God told her to call me and even gave her the phone number, and that I needed to listen to her. I never said anything, I was just sobbing harder at this. She said that even before my husband was concieved that God had a plan for his life, a music ministry, and it was a big one that satan was going to try to thwart. And before I was even concieved, God had a plan for me, and that was to bring this man into that ministry. That God hand picked me to fight for this man and this ministry. That even his mother could not battle him into this ministry, that I was the chosen one, and that I could not let satan win. That if I give up, not only will my husbands soul be lost, but this ministry will be lost. That God has called me for this task, and I had to fight. She then began praying and rebuking satan. I was just still sobbing and sobbing, I could not believe this was happening, it was overwhelming and at the same time so awesome that God was manifesting in this burning bush way. It was breathtaking. I finally was able to talk and we chatted for a short time and hung up. God had been speaking to me about a music ministry, but God speaks to me alot, and it is just a struggle as you all know, questioning yourself, questioning if it really was God that spoke to you, those kinds of things. You would think after this event that I would never question it again, but I hit another slump. Not a bad one, but at the time I was just frustrated and the devil was talking in my ear. I was just thinking things like this is all not real, this is just my imagination, this ministry, all of it. We had a revival starting that night with another minister coming in from somewhere. I went, but I was very moody and just wanted to seclude myself. So I sat in the uppermost corner seat against the wall, away from everyone else and where it was dark. I just huddled under my prayer blanket trying to be inconspicuois. This Pastor was up there giving the message and then he stepped down from the alter and walked to my side of the church. He called out, "Lady, would you come down here". I was the only one way up there, so I sat up and motioned me? "Yes, you, would you mind coming down here". So I got up and went down, reluctantly, and stood before him. He said that God wanted to talk to me. He put his hand on my head and boomed out, "God says this is His vision that He has put within you, not your own, but His vision!" That was all I remembered accept for waking up out of a black void and trying to sit up, in which he walked back over to me and put his hand on my head and said, "God is not done with you yet", and I went back out. I woke up at the end of the revival and was feeling like I had a hang over, struggling to get up and walk.

Then one day Jaunita Bynum was on TBN, and again I was just stopped suddenly in my tracks and drawn to the tv. She was talking about the walls of Jericho, and that God said to shout the walls down, and she kept yelling "Shout!" God spoke to me and told me that this evening I needed to shout the walls down. I decided that after prayer meeting I would stay behind and I would shout the walls down. I went to prayer meeting that evening and as we were gathered around the stone alter praying, Frank spoke and said that God was telling him that we needed to shout as loud and long as we could, that God wanted us to shout. My spirit was quickened and I told Frank about that days events and that I planned on staying behind and doing what God told me to do, and now He is telling us to all shout here and now. And we all shouted long and hard until we were exhausted.

I also had the devil active by the way. I love telling about the manifestations of God, but I also dealt with manifestations of the enemy as well. It was during this wilderness trip that one night I was praying in the Spirit, as I did nightly, on Kevins side of the bed in the corner. This was the outer wall of the bedroom, furthest from the door, and closed in with just a narrow walkway beside the bed. My prayer alter was there on that wall and it was cozy, so that is where I would kneel and pray. When I am in the Spirit, nothing distracts me typically, I am consumed. But I was suddenly jolted out of the Spirit and in the dark before my face, the corner, was coming a loud heavy breathing. I knew instantly that it was demonic and it was only inches from my face. I instantly yelled casting it out in the name of Jesus. I heard the thing scream, literally, a loud awful scream that began loud and close and then was like sucked away, fading out. Some time after this the movie "The Passion of Christ" came out, and our church went to the threatre to watch it, and in the end when it showed satan standing and screaming, it jolted me up in my seat, it was like the scream I heard that night alone in the bedroom. But even before the movie came out, a girl from church that I had taken under my wing, her name is Christy also, and she and her husband were young versions of me and Kevin, the same stuff going on, and he was gone at the time. She came to me and told me she was frightened, that the night before she woke up to heavy breathing in her bedroom and all she knew to do was to rebuke whatever was in the room, and then there was this horrible scream, and she was freaked out and wanted to know if I knew what it was. So as crazy as this sounds, I am not the only one that has experienced it. I have to wonder if whoever helped with the Passion had not experienced it, because it was that scream.

Then the event of my mom and dad. One day my mom just collapsed in her bedroom and was rushed to the hospital. I went right away and she was sitting up and talking, seemed okay, but she did not look good. They thought she just needed rest as she had been taking care of my dad who was recently out of knee surgery. She was tending to him when she collapsed. They thought she just needed to spend the day and night under observation. I spent some time with her, she did seemed drained, just out of sorts, then I went home. I got up the next morning and went back to check on her and found her in ICU in a coma and you could clearly hear that she was drowning, her lungs, she was struggling hard for air and would not wake up. They told me that they had no clue what was going on, that they had done every test they could think of and nothing was showing up. I yelled at them that how apparent can it be that she is drowning, listen to her, and they said they know, but her lung xrays are totally clear, nothing there and they were at a loss for what to do next. The next thing I know, they have my dad in ER, and are calling the family down there. Same thing, he is ill but no explanation. But he was awake at least and talking. I knew instantly that this was the work of the enemy, afflicting my parents to try to make me stop. I got raging mad. I had a bottle of annointing oil in my purse and I pushed through the docs and nurses and told my dad that I would deal with this, and I told him to pray with me, and I began annointed his head, his hands, his feet, and I commanded satan to let go of him and told him that he was fine, that he would be just fine. Then I went back to my mom and did the same thing. I then jumped in my car and was raging and shaking my fist at satan yelling at him that he would not have my parents. It was a evening of church service and I drove right to the church and marched down front during praise and worship, I was late because of all that was going on. I was drained too, and I just stood there quietly crying and swaying to the music, praying. I felt a hand cup my elbow and thought that maybe someone had come up behind me to pray with me or something, so I looked back over my shoulder but there was no one there. I could still feel a hand cupping my elbow though so I was kind of freaked out. I then felt a hand cup my left elbow so that now hands were cupping both my elbows and I looked over my left shoulder and there was no one there. I really froze up then, and quickly two arms came around me and I could feel a body pressed up against my back, someone holding me, and I asked God softly what was this, who was this, and I heard a soft whisper in my ear saying, "Its an angel". At that moment my Pastor who was playing the piano jumped up and everything stopped, he was pacing and started saying that God just told him that someone here in this sanctuary was giving up, and he did not say who or if it was male or female, but the person is in this room. He paced some more and then said that it was about a couple, someone was giving up, and God says that He is not giving up and you are not to give up either. He came down off the alter stage and was pacing back and forth and he said that God was telling him that satan was attacking this person and trying to make them let go and give up on someone, and he began rebuking satan. He was pacing hard, back and forth in front of us and as he came past and made another turn to go back, I managed to reach out, as best as I could because there were invisable arms around me, so it was just my hand slightly. He came up to me and asked me what was going on, and I whispered to him, as this was still crazy to me, that there was an angel holding me. He kind of jolted upright and said there is an angel holding you? I said yes, something is holding me and I asked God what this was and something whispered in my ear that it is an angel. He asked me if there is something wrong, something going on, and I told him about my mom and dad. He called out for someone to bring him a prayer shawl and for everyone to come down there and gather around me with the shawl. Everyone prayed over the shawl and me, and then Pastor told me to take the shawl to my mother and lay it over her. I rushed back to the hospital to find my mother gone, and was told that my olderst brother had arrived and demanded them to ship her to the city, my father as well. So I rushed to the city and went in and layed the shawl over my mom and prayed. The next day I went right back and I walked into her room to find her sitting straight up in bed, awake, talking and breathing. She still had the shawl laid over her, and I told her what had happened and why the shawl was there. She began gathering the shawl up and handing it to me saying, "Oh my, you need to take this shawl, I do not want it to get messed up in this bed", lol. But I made her keep it over her. I then went to see my dad who was in a different hospital then mom, and he also was sitting up and acting normal. I dont really know why, but they ended up keeping my father another week and my mom about three weeks. I guess they were just perplexed about what had happened to them and did not feel good about letting them go, maybe expecting a sudden relapse.

My father came home and we kids were taking turns being with him. While they were in the hospital, my brother sold their home and bought them a new house in a care community set up. It was a normal type subdivision setting, but beside it is a huge nursing home type facility and the houses are equipped with alarms and intercoms to this facility. I guess he was just not taking any more chances with them, and he arranged for rehab for dad to come in and a nurse once a week to check him over. I was very sad about my childhood home being gone, just like that without any notice, and I knew that my parents were not going to be happy about that either, but everyone thought it was best. So my dad was released into a brand new home and strange environment and without my mom there. I knew it was a great adaptation for him, and would be for mom also.

During these two weeks that I was staying with dad a couple times a week, doing my turns, I had another event happen. Three nights before the break up incident happened between Kevin and I, Benny Hinn was coming to Springfield, Mo. I had sent for tickets as soon as it was announced, two tickets for Kevin and I, months before the event was actually to take place. It was a Thursday night and I was determined to go. Kevin had no interest and refused to go. My car was not safe for the trip, it had wires coming through the tires, not just wires, but patches of tread actually missing, slick, wires sticking out, strips out with the material underneath the rubber showing through. I had no windshield wipers, they were broke off. It was a junk heap. But nothing was going to stop me from going, I knew I had to go, felt it. The gas station guy even made a comment to me that my tires would not make it two blocks, and asked me where I was going, and when I told him Springfield he about fell over, it is a two and half hour drive for me. I went to drop Paige off at her other grandmas, and started out. I started out way eariler then planned because I was having to go in my car. At some point in the trip, I noticed that Kevin had called my cell several times, about the time I was taking Paige into her grandmas and getting her settled. My phone was in the car. I called him and he asked me where I was because he was working that day and suddenly he felt like he had to go with me to this crusade and he had been calling to tell me that he was on his way to go with me, that for some reason he was feeling that if he went, something would change for us. I was almost there though, so it was too late. I got there, and even though I had a map and knew Springfield somewhat, I was lost and going in circles so long that I felt like I needed to just turn around and go home, but I dug in and said no, you are not stopping me satan, and I stopped and asked a man to help me find it. He led me there, and I went in. During the crusade a woman was sitting next to me, and it was very tight seating. She reached over and took my hand and said that God was showing her a vision of a man in my life, that he had long brown hair and brown eyes, that if I had not met him yet, she just wanted to tell me that he was my mate given to me from God. I had met him alright, but I did not tell her that. Towards the end, they came around taking collection and God spoke to me and told me to put ten dollars in the envelope, it was all I had on me, and to write on the envelope both Kevin and my name, that it was a seed for our marriage. When it was over, I started the long journey home, to my horror it began pouring down rain, so it was a precarious and slow trip back, but I got home safe and sound.

So now, months later I am leaving to go to my dads and grab the mail out of the box on the way out. In that mail is a envelope from Benny Hinn ministries and inside I find a receipt for that seed offering I gave at the crusade. But I am stunned to see that the receipt is not dated for the day of the crusase but three days later, the day of the blow up and Kevin leaving. Again I am thinking why? I sow a seed and then that happened and the seed receipt is dated for that exact day instead of the actual day I sowed it. God spoke to me right then and He said that I sowed ten dollars and satan took him out, so now He wanted me to sow ten times that ten dollars to defeat satan and bring him back. So when I got to dads, I wrote out a check for $100 and mailed it. A week later, I was awoken in the night and TBN was on as usual, and God spoke to me and told me to pledge $1000 to TBN. I was like, but Lord, I do not have a $1000, and He said you pledge it and I will provide it, make the pledge and set it at $100 a month. So in the middle of the night I dialed TBN and pledged $1000 at $100 a month and did as the Lord told me, noted to them that it was a seed offering for my husband and marriage. The next day I got up and went straight to the post office and put a check in the mail for $100. The post office is only two blocks straight down the road, so it only took me a few minutes. When I came back in, my daughter who was staying here with me, told me that Kevin had called and would be calling back. I was stunned. Within seconds he called again. The first thing he asked me is if I thought we could at least be friends. I said I guess so. He told me that he had driven by the house many times and wanted to stop but was afraid to because he would be arrested. He asked me if I had moved on and was seeing anyone, and I told him no, did not want to, and was just doing what I do, living for God, going to church, my normal things. He said that he was living in the city, and I asked him what he was doing there in which he told me that the woman he was with that night that I caught him was Olivia, (I knew her, she was a band groupie, one that he had carried on a fling with when married to Mary), and that he had moved up where she was. That at first he was just staying with Tina, an ex manager of his old band, and she was staying there with him now and then (she was married at this time also), but then they rented a house together and that was where he had been the past couple of months. He asked me if he could see me, if we could talk, and he started crying. This upset me, to hear him cry, and I just started shusshing him, telling him it was okay, not to cry. He said that he would call me in a couple of days and maybe we could meet somewhere and talk and have dinner or something. I gave him my new cell number and we hung up.

I left the house again for something, seems like I went back to the post office for something if I remember correctly, because I remember walking out to my car and my cell rang. It was him again and he was sobbing hard, and he asked me if I would meet him right now, if I would drive to our favorite restaurant at the lake and meet him there. I told him yes, I would be there right away, and told him to stop crying, that it was alright, trying to comfort him in some way.

I arrived there first and was sitting in my car reading some Christian material that came in the mail, and he pulled up beside me. He jumped out of his van and jerked open my door and pulled me out and took me to the ground with him. He was hysterical, and there we were piled on the ground with him crying and it was a scene. People started coming out of the restaurant and standing and staring at us. I finally got him to get up on his feet and I walked him into the restaurant and ordered him a soda. He kept crying quietly now, and was saying that he knew something was in him, something had control of him, that I was right, that he was in trouble and something bad was killing him. He asked me to help him, if he could come home with me, if I would go back to the city with him and help him get his things out of that house and bring them home. I agreed to do this and we set out. He began telling me how things began spinning out of control in his life, that suddenly he found himself doing drugs, snorting cocaine and in front of his son, and all the partying, and that it kept getting crazier and crazier. That she was evil and was stealing and doing all kinds of crazy things. That she had a bible laying on her chest of drawers and for a long time now everything he walking into the bedroom, that bible would pull at him and he would have to run back out of the room. That this morning it happened again but this time he could run, it sucked him over and he just opened it. That before him was Proverbs about the adulteress, and that he just collapsed broken and then called me. She was there when we arrived and he did not even really look at her, he just told her that he was going home and just came to get his stuff. She backed up when I entered behind him, like she was scared that I was going to come at her. I just looked at her and told that I forgive her for what she had done and she just looked at me shocked. When we were putting his and his sons things in the van, her cousin walked up to me and said she could not believe how I had dealt with Olivia, and told me she did not deserve to be forgiven, that she alot of really bad things, and she was shocked that I was the way I was with all of this. I just told her that I am a Christian, and I do forgive Olivia and would be praying for her to get her life right. She was just like, I have never met anyone like you and my husband then interjected something about that I actually used to be very aggressive and a fighter as many knew me to be, and that if I was not the person I am now, Olivia would have alot to be afraid of, but that as he has told them, I am nothing like I used to be and this is who I am now, a really special person and to believe that I would be praying for Olivia.

So he came home that day. We would laugh sometimes when he would talk about Olivia and all that went on, because the entire time he was gone God kept giving the scripture about Queen Vashti being dethroned and Esther made queen in her place. I did not know he was with another woman. This was the first time he had moved in with another woman, and I figured that night I caught him, he had just picked up some stranger in the bar and went home with her, which was his nature, not a relationship kind of thing with one of them. So when I found out he was living with Olivia, I understood what God had been saying to me through the scripture. We began referring to Olivia as Queen Vashti.

The next day was a Sunday, so we got up and went to church. This was the first time Kevin had ever been in this deliverance church or been in a church period for two or three years. I went down front for praise and worship, which was something that he was not used to. The last church he had been in was our quiet pew warming Baptist church. These guys whooped it up here, dancing and singing. I was somewhat worried about him, his reaction to the difference of the Pentecostal church, as it can be scary to someone who has never been in one of their services, but I was not going to let it deter me from being who I was now in God. I was singing and dancing when suddenly I heard someone screaming, and running down the aisle towards us. I turned around and saw my husband running full speed ahead and then collapsing on his face, like skidding in on his face at the alter. Immediately the bikers from the biker ministry jumped up and ran to him, and they gathered him in their arms, in their laps actually, as they all kind of cross legged circled him and pulled him into the circle on their laps and were holding him. He was screaming and crying, really screaming. Everyone came to their feet and was hollering in the spirit and crying, and I just collapsed myself crying out to God. It was traumatizing to watch, effecting everyone in the room. I had never seen anything like it before nor since. It went on for what seemed like a very long time. Finally I felt a hand grab me and pull me into the heap in the floor. It was my husband and he got his arms around me and was just screaming and crying, and the bikers got me in the middle of them with him. That went on for awhile. Pastor Frank and Pastor Rick were just pacing in front of the heap and crying out in tongues. Finally it all slowly calmed and went quiet. Kevin got up and the bikers took him away and sat him down and were talking to him for a long time. The rest of us were just sitting and crying and the Pastors were still pacing and praising God. Finally they all got up and Kevin came to me and took my hand. He then led me over to Pastor Frank and took his hand and thanked him for never giving up on him and supporting me, guiding me and praying with me for him, that he would be forever grateful.

Kevin was on fire for the Lord. He was constantly sitting with his nose in the bible, dragging his backslidden old friends back to church, up praising and worshiping with me. He was totally changed. He insisted that we renew our vows, and he began working on his music ministry, writing and recording songs for God, meeting with other Christian musicians and trying to find the right ones for his new Christian band.

 

[faithope]

WOW!! I wouldn't hv pulled thru' like how you did...amazing!!! \o/

Must get Mel Gibson to make a movie out of your inspiring life story and get Cheryl Ladd(she is a born again Christian) to play Kristie..coincidentally, Cheryl Ladd looks like you

((((( H U G S ))))