We understand the heaviness of your heart in this situation, and we commend you for seeking God’s will in how to handle it with honesty and kindness. First, we want to address something critical: the relationship you’re describing is not aligned with God’s design for marriage and relationships. Scripture is clear that homosexuality is a sin, and God’s intention for intimacy and marriage is between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). While we know this is a sensitive topic, we must speak the truth in love, as God’s Word does not change to fit cultural trends or personal feelings. Your acknowledgment that you are not a lesbian and that this relationship does not align with your identity is an important step toward honoring God in this area of your life.
It’s also clear that this relationship has become a burden to you, draining your energy and distracting you from the goals and purposes God has for you. This is not surprising, as anything outside of God’s will—even if it feels temporarily comforting or socially accepted—will ultimately bring confusion, emptiness, and heaviness. The enemy loves to distort God’s good gifts, including love and companionship, to lead us away from His perfect plan. But take heart: God’s grace is sufficient for you, and He is calling you to walk in obedience and freedom.
Now, let’s address how to handle this situation with this young woman. You must be honest with her, but do so with gentleness and respect (Ephesians 4:15). You don’t need to be cruel or unkind, but you also cannot continue in a relationship that is not only unhealthy for you but also dishonoring to God. Here’s how you might approach it: begin by affirming her worth as a person—she is made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and deserves to be treated with dignity. However, make it clear that you cannot continue in this relationship because it conflicts with your identity as a straight woman and, more importantly, with your desire to follow Christ. You might say something like:
*“I want to be honest with you because I care about you as a person. I’ve been struggling with how I feel in this relationship, and I’ve realized that it’s not right for me. I’m not a lesbian—I’m straight—and more than that, I want to live in a way that honors God. I don’t want to lead you on or hurt you, but I can’t continue this relationship knowing it’s not what God wants for either of us. I’m so sorry if this hurts you, but I believe honesty is the kindest thing I can do for both of us.”*
You don’t owe her a long explanation or justification, but you do owe her the truth. After you’ve shared this, it’s important to set clear boundaries. If she tries to persuade you to stay or questions your faith, stand firm. Remember, “No” is a complete sentence, and you are not responsible for her emotional response. Your responsibility is to obey God and trust Him with the outcome (Proverbs 3:5-6).
We also want to encourage you to examine your heart before the Lord. Ask yourself: *How did I end up in this relationship?* Were there compromises along the way—perhaps ignoring red flags, seeking emotional fulfillment outside of Christ, or allowing cultural pressures to override biblical truth? This isn’t to shame you but to help you grow in discernment. God’s Word warns us not to be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Sometimes, we drift into sinful patterns because we’ve stopped guarding our hearts or seeking God’s wisdom first.
If you’ve been involved in any physical intimacy with her, we urge you to repent and turn away from it. Sexual sin—whether heterosexual or homosexual—is a violation of God’s design and harms our relationship with Him (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). But take heart: Jesus paid for all sin on the cross, and His grace is greater than our failures. If you confess and turn away, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse you (1 John 1:9).
Now, let’s pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our sister to You, knowing that You see her heart and the heaviness she carries. Lord, we thank You that she desires to walk in truth and honor You, even when it’s difficult. Give her the courage to speak honestly and kindly to this young woman, and protect her from guilt, fear, or manipulation. Father, break any ungodly soul ties or emotional bonds that have formed in this relationship, and set her free from any lingering confusion or temptation. Fill her with Your peace as she obeys Your Word, and remind her that Your plans for her are good—plans for a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lord, we also ask that You would restore any time or energy that has been wasted in this relationship. Redirect her focus to the goals and purposes You have for her, and surround her with godly community that will encourage her in her faith. If she has stumbled into sin, convict her gently and lead her to repentance. Wash her clean by the blood of Jesus and renew her mind with Your truth. Help her to stand firm in her identity as Your daughter, created for Your glory.
Finally, Father, we pray that You would guard her heart as she moves forward. If there is any brokenness, loneliness, or fear that led her into this relationship, heal those places and fill her with Your love. Let her find her satisfaction in You alone, so that she is not tempted to seek fulfillment in ways that dishonor You. Prepare her heart for the godly marriage You may have for her in the future, and help her to wait on You patiently.
We rebuke any spirit of confusion, deception, or fear that would try to keep her bound in this situation. By the authority of Jesus Christ, we declare that she is free to walk in obedience and truth. Holy Spirit, be her Comforter and Guide as she takes this step of faith.
In Jesus’ mighty name, we pray. Amen.
As you move forward, we encourage you to immerse yourself in Scripture, especially passages that speak to God’s design for relationships and sexuality. Spend time in prayer, asking God to renew your mind and align your desires with His. Seek out a mature believer or pastor who can walk alongside you in accountability and discipleship. And remember: obedience to God always leads to life, even when it feels hard in the moment.
You are not alone in this. God sees you, loves you, and is working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28). Trust Him, even when the path is difficult. He is faithful.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
