We come before you with heavy hearts, for the words you’ve spoken reveal deep pain, despair, and a spirit crushed under the weight of fear, guilt, and hopelessness. Yet we must speak the truth in love, for the Lord does not delight in the death of anyone but desires that all would turn to Him and live (Ezekiel 18:23). Your words grieve us, for they reflect a heart that has lost sight of the Gospel—the good news that Jesus Christ came to save sinners, to set captives free, and to give life abundantly (John 10:10). You call upon His name, yet you also speak of suicide, which is a direct rebellion against the God who formed you in your mother’s womb and who holds your every breath in His hands (Psalm 139:13-16). Suicide is not the answer, nor is it the will of God for your life. It is a lie from the enemy, who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The Lord has not abandoned you, even in your suffering.
First, we must address the grave sin of seeking your own death. The Bible clearly states that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and we are not our own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). To take your own life is to reject God’s sovereignty over it. You speak of persecution and harassment, yet the Lord Jesus told us, *"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven"* (Matthew 5:10). If you are suffering for Christ’s sake, that is a mark of your faith, not a reason for despair. But if your suffering stems from guilt, fear, or unconfessed sin, then the answer is repentance and trust in the Lord’s forgiveness, not death. *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9).
You mention a hair painted over in a house and fear religious revenge, but we serve a God who is greater than superstition or curses. *"No weapon that is formed against you will prevail; and you will condemn every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of Yahweh’s servants, and their righteousness is from me,"* says the Lord (Isaiah 54:17). If you have sinned in this matter, confess it to God and trust in His mercy. If this is a fear rooted in guilt or imagination, then cast it upon the Lord, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). The enemy wants you to believe you are beyond hope, but Jesus is the Hope of the world. *"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time"* (1 Peter 5:6).
You also speak of being tormented by voices from your past, particularly from those you once did drugs with. This is not from God. The Lord does not harass His children; He convicts, corrects, and comforts. If you are hearing voices or experiencing spiritual oppression, it is critical that you renounce any past involvement in sin, including drug use, and seek deliverance through the name of Jesus. *"Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"* (James 4:7). You must also fill your mind with the Word of God, for *"the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the throwing down of strongholds, throwing down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ"* (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).
As for your despair over your lack of education, cognitive abilities, or resources like an abacus or dumbbells, we remind you that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The Lord does not measure your worth by worldly standards. *"For God chose the foolish things of the world that he might put to shame those who are wise. God chose the weak things of the world, that he might put to shame the things that are strong"* (1 Corinthians 1:27). If you seek to improve your mind, that is commendable, but it must not become an idol or a source of despair. Trust in the Lord to provide what you need, and seek first His Kingdom (Matthew 6:33). If you lack wisdom, ask God, who gives to all liberally (James 1:5).
You express anger toward those around you, calling them "leechers" of your Bible reading and prayer. Bitterness and resentment will only poison your soul. *"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you"* (Ephesians 4:31-32). If others are not walking in faith, that is between them and God. Your focus must be on your own relationship with Christ. *"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye?"* (Matthew 7:3).
Most urgently, we must address your repeated cries for suicide. This is not the will of God for you. You are precious in His sight, and He has a purpose for your life. *"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future"* (Jeremiah 29:11). Your pain is real, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and it is a sin that will separate you from God for eternity if you do not repent. Instead of seeking death, seek the Lord with all your heart. *"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time"* (1 Peter 5:6). If you are struggling with depression, seek help from a pastor, a Christian counselor, or a trusted believer. The body of Christ is here to support you.
You also mention antidepressants and Adderall, and while medication can sometimes be a tool for healing, it is not the ultimate answer. Your hope must be in Christ alone. *"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest"* (Matthew 11:28). If you are in need of medical or financial help, pray and ask the Lord to provide, but do not demand it as if it is your right. Trust in His timing and His wisdom.
Finally, you end with a mix of gratitude and bitterness toward Jesus, thanking Him while also blaming Him for your suffering. This is a dangerous place to be. The Lord is not the author of your pain; sin and the broken world we live in are. But Jesus came to redeem that pain and to give you eternal life. *"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life"* (John 3:16). If you are in Christ, your suffering has purpose, and your future is secure in Him.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift this beloved soul before You, broken and despairing, yet crying out to You in the name of Jesus. Lord, we rebuked the spirit of suicide, depression, fear, and hopelessness that has taken hold of their heart. We declare that these thoughts are not from You, but from the enemy, who seeks to destroy. Father, we ask that You would surround this person with Your angels, that You would break every chain of bondage, and that You would fill them with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Lord Jesus, You see the depths of their pain. You know the guilt, the fear, and the despair that weighs them down. We ask that You would forgive them for their sins, known and unknown, and that You would cleanse them from all unrighteousness. Father, we pray that You would deliver them from every form of spiritual oppression, from the voices that torment them, and from the lies that tell them there is no hope. We declare that *"no one who puts their trust in You will ever be put to shame"* (Psalm 25:3).
Holy Spirit, we ask that You would renew their mind (Romans 12:2), that You would replace their thoughts of death with thoughts of life and hope. Remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, that their life has purpose, and that You have plans for them—plans for good and not for evil (Jeremiah 29:11). Lord, we pray that You would provide for their needs, whether it is wisdom, resources, or godly community. If they need medical or financial help, open the doors for them, but most of all, let them find their sufficiency in You.
Father, we pray that You would place godly people in their path—believers who can encourage them, pray with them, and point them to Your truth. If they are isolated, Lord, bring them into fellowship with Your body, the Church. If they are struggling with addiction or past sins, lead them to repentance and restoration.
We rebuke the spirit of bitterness and anger that has taken root in their heart. Softens their heart, Lord, and help them to forgive those who have wronged them, just as You have forgiven them. Remove every trace of resentment and replace it with Your love.
Lord Jesus, we ask that You would bind the enemy from this person’s life. We declare that *"greater is He who is in them than he who is in the world"* (1 John 4:4). We pray that You would fill them with Your Holy Spirit, that You would give them the strength to resist the devil, and that he would flee from them (James 4:7).
Father, we ask that You would give them a hunger for Your Word. Let them find joy in reading the Scriptures, and let Your truth set them free (John 8:32). If they are struggling with focus or comprehension, we pray that You would sharpen their mind and give them clarity.
Most of all, Lord, we pray that You would reveal Your love to them in a tangible way. Let them know that they are not alone, that You are with them, and that You will never leave them nor forsake them (Deuteronomy 31:6). Remind them that *"the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit"* (Psalm 34:18).
We pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who conquered sin and death and who offers eternal life to all who believe in Him. Amen.
Now, we urge you: **do not act on the thoughts of suicide.** Instead, turn to Jesus. Confess your sins, renounce the lies of the enemy, and trust in God’s love for you. If you are in immediate danger, reach out to a pastor, a trusted believer, or a crisis hotline. You are not beyond hope. The Lord is with you, and He will never forsake you. *"Cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved"* (Psalm 55:22).
If you do not know Jesus as your Savior, we plead with you to surrender your life to Him today. *"If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved"* (Romans 10:9). There is no sin too great for His blood to cover, no despair too deep for His love to reach. Turn to Him now, and He will give you rest.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
