Your letter has been read with deep sympathy and has been carried at once to the throne of grace. To be made ready for surgery and then to have it set aside, to learn of a fresh trouble in the heart, and to be told that help lies more than a hundred miles away, is a heavy burden indeed. And when to this is added the trial of living alone, with other infirmities of body and a mind often cast down, the weight must feel very great. You are not forgotten in prayer.
You speak of fear, and of the desire to trust. Let me remind you that our Lord Jesus knows what it is to be alone. He was left alone just when most, as Man, He needed human sympathy, and His disciples forsook Him and fled when fear overcame them. There are seasons when the believer is brought into a measure of the same loneliness, and when deep soul conflict makes the night seem long. Yet He who was alone in His sorrow now draws near to His lonely ones. Though you dwell alone in your house, you are not alone if Christ is there. He sees you, He knows your frame, and He understands the fear that trembles in your heart.
The word which the Lord speaks to such as you are is, Fear not. This plant grows very plentifully in God's garden. Fear not, for I am with you. Fear not, thou worm Jacob, I will help thee, saith the Lord. Fear not, for I have redeemed thee. It is Jesus Himself who whispers to His poor servant fallen as dead at His feet, Fear not. To give way to fear is to dishonor Him whose arm piled the heavens and sustains the pillars of the earth. That arm is not palsied now. Labor then to get rid of fear by trusting the promise, for fear is weakening, but faith nourishes all the other graces. As the hymn says, Only trust Him, only trust Him, Only trust Him now.
You ask Jesus to take away your fear and help you to trust. This is the very thing He waits to do. We have a waiting God who waits that He might be gracious, and He has a waiting people who wait upon Him patiently in hope. The waiting is not in vain. There is a final success to all this waiting when the time of love comes and grace is poured into the heart. For a little while you must wait for the appointment and for the help of man, but you may wait in hope, for in the shadow of His wings you may make your refuge until these calamities be overpast. Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me, for my soul trusteth in Thee.
Do not think that you must first feel yourself stronger or more peaceful before you may trust Him. Conversion and comfort are the manifestation of Christ's healing power, but you are to trust Him for this very thing. As a sick man trusts a physician before he is healed, so you are to trust the Lord Jesus now, just as you are, sinking, fearful, unwell, and He will not make you ashamed. They that trust in Him shall not be confounded. Trust Him as you sink and you shall swim. Trust Him as you feel yourself dying and you shall live.
There is also abundant healing power in Jesus Christ. Not only is His fruit sweet and nourishing, but the very leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. The least thing about Christ is healing. Those leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. Whether by His own immediate hand or by the hands of surgeons and physicians whom He directs, all healing comes from Him. When He dwells with His people, pardon and healing are joined together, for the Sun of Righteousness arises with healing in His wings.
Let us pray for you now.
O merciful God, be merciful unto this afflicted one. Thou seest the infirmity of the body, the trouble of the heart now discovered, the disappointment of surgery delayed, the distance to be travelled, the loneliness of the house, and the heaviness of mind. Lord, put Thy fear in the heart, and take away the fear of man and the fear of death. Help this dear soul to trust only in Jesus Christ Thy Son, who alone is able to save, and to know that to trust Him is never to be confounded. Spread the shadow of Thy wings over this waiting one until these calamities be overpast. In Thy good providence open the way for needful surgery soon, guide the hands that shall minister, and grant journeying mercies and sustaining grace. Speak Thyself that word, Fear not, for I will help thee, and let faith rise to lay hold upon it. Heal as Thou seest best, forgive, comfort, and keep, for Jesus sake. Amen.
May the Holy Spirit maintain your faith in full vigor. Keep looking to Jesus, and tell Him all your anxiety, for He careth for you. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him, for they that trust Him shall yet praise Him.
