Anonymous
Beloved of All
This is the most hopeless situation. Too many outside influences are against me as a struggle to stand for marriage separation. I've made many mistakes and sinned. I am by no means innocent. But I've dealt with opposition since day 1 of our 7 yr marriage. He's mother never accepted me which caused problems. She is a huge factor in this pending divorce. My husband has lived in selfishness, lies, lust, and love for the material world since I've known him. Combining my issues with abandonment and abuse as a child, equaled a disaster of a marriage. Neither one of is put God first in our marriage. We suffered many separations, but in the end always returned because we did love each other. We are just broken, lost people. I say "did" love each other, because I still truly love my husband with all my heart. But he has now filed for divorce and claims he no longer loves me and is done. He says there's too much hurt and pain and he sees no scenario where we could reconcile. I hear sadness along with anger and denial in his voice. He doesn't want to admit to his major sins contributing to the failure of our marriage. He just chalks it up to incompatibility and a redundancy of separtions and blames me for so much. He will now no longer communicate with me and says he'll just see me in divorce court. The last conversation I had with him, he admitted to being on medication now. He has never taken medication. He is now even seeing a divorced woman with a child. I don't even know this man anymore. Through all the years of dealing with his anger, selfishness, and online sex addictions, I still love my husband and pray for his soul. He claims he is going to church and surrounding himself with good people. His words are very contradictory. So what have I been doing? We separated 4 months ago. For 2 months, after I was served with divorce papers I stopped all contact, hoping he would miss me and snap out of this. Instead he would only contact every couple of weeks regarding the divorce. I began a fast. I prayed and fasted for 8 days and decided to email him. I told him that I had nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart. That angered him and he begged me to sign the papers. Over the holidays he called me and we talked to 2 hours. He was up and down. For moments I would get to talk to my husband, then rest of the time it was like talking to a stranger. I asked him to put the divorce on hold. He agreed to think about things. A couple days later, he posted online they he was with that woman and her child. I fell to my knees in tears and called him. He said his personal life was none of my business but sounded really sad. He finally just hung up. I know he is lost and struggling. I love this man and pray God will lead him out of this twisted, sinful life. His family and friends have convinced him to move on. See how this is hopeless. I feel like a one man army fighting a losing battle. I've been told to stop this stand and move on. My heart continues to love my husband and hope for a miracle. I pray all of the time. I've begged God to show me his will. But silence. Fasting and praying has not shown any results. I can't take much more. I feel as lost and confused as my husband. Will God help us? Is there just too much against us? Why do I still carry so much love and desire for restoration in my heart? Please help!
