Still Crashing And Burning

[Anonymous]

I sincerely thank you all for ALL of your prayers, encouraging words, caring, and moral support for all these months. I appreciate ###' and ###' recent lengthy followups to check on me and pray for me encouraging me some more. But, as much as I've been trying, praying, hoping, and wanting for all the things you all say will come true to come true it's just not happening. I have had two pretty good days, especially when I read your recent words first thing in the morning. A friendship has been starting between myself and a divorcee recently and yesterday was a really good day. She has a young son who is a pretty good kid and he likes to talk to me. But, as of late today, things seemed to start crashing in other ways and matters. When your life is falling apart, that's not the time to start a romance. Besides, I'm sure I'm I am older than she might think I am. Just my luck. Besides, if she knew the disaster that my life is right now, I'm sure she'd runaway fast. It's not good karma to start a relationship with someone whose life is hitting Rock bottom, especially when it appears to be a bottomless pit. But she does bring me joy and some peace when she comes up to talk to me. We seem to lose track of time when we talk, and I admit, I am not aware of anything around me when we talk. It's been more than ten years since I've had a relationship, I certainly don't want to crash and burn in that regard either. I can't deal with any new setups for failure, much worse, a new possible friendship only to fail because of my discombobulated life. That certainly kills the "warm fuzzies" within. All those promises that you all say that are coming are promises made to certain people's, tribes, and nations in Biblical times. I don't think these are promises made to everyone in perpetuity. There aren't any seas being split open, nor people laying with lions in their dens, nor people walking out of furnaces without a singe on their bodies these days. No one comes out of years as a prisoner and becoming a king. I don't doubt the powers of God, and I know Jesus was crucified for us and was resurrected, but that doesn't mean that everything works out for good. Lots of times it just doesn't happen no matter how much one prays, or how much faith one has. And moving of mountains is just expressional words. We know no one can tell a mountain to move. Most understand that, but preachers say it like it's true. Everytime I hear a preacher say that I just want to ask them, "Oh? When was the last time you 'moved a mountain'?" Another reason why I was feeling good over the weekend and up until this afternoon, a friend of mine back east said she will pay for my car repairs and I told her I will pay her back, probably little by little, until it's all paid back. I told how much this means and I told her that she's doing something that no one in my family has done, nor would have done for me. In the preliminary, it doesn't appear to be too expensive, though more costly than any money in my account. I will get my car towed (free towing with my car insurance) down to the shop so they can look at it. However, I will still need some followup work that will need to be done soon as well. I also need a front end alignment and I desperately need new tires, especially now that summer is basically over, and sometimes winter comes in like a lion in Colorado. The way my luck has been going with cars with me over the last four or five years, I am always bracing myself for something else and something else. I have to use a sick day or two this week because I do not have enough in my bank account to cover four more Lyft rides this week. I am already locked out of my storage unit and if can't catch up by next month, including next month's fee, they will cut my lock and auction off my possessions. I guess I deserve it because I should have started going through that stuff and started selling things off. But my last six years (because of car issues) have been so out of sync and in such disarray that I couldn't get to my storage unit to go through the stuff and start listing things for sale. I had an e bike that a neighbor has been holding for me - can't ride it up and down the interstate for work; can't put it in or on my Honda to get it to my storage unit - but now he is not returning my attempts to contact him about it. He probably got rid of it. Things don't work out for me the way you all are saying that the Bible promises. With me, things are always different and there is always another way for things to fall out from under me like a trap door covered with a rug. I remember an old song that says, "Lay me down and roll me out to sea; calling on a mighty wave to cover me..." If only God would end this instead of it dragging out on and on and on instead of ripping my flesh off like I'm being dragged from the back of a speeding car down the highway. I just want to have some more joy, peace, happiness, rest, self assurance and reassurance that I am getting somewhere and starting to move forward. I've been falling backward for so long that I don't remember what it's like to move forward again. We've been having off and on thunderstorms and sometimes with hail. I wonder at times if I just walk out into the storm, could I get myself struck by lightning. But then I thought, " No, even though it would be striking all around me, I would get missed everytime. Still trying to hang on, hope and pray for the best, and start rising back up soon with my own wings of eagles instead of dido bird wings.

 

[Articles]

We have heard your heart and we have been praying for you through these many months of crashing and burning, and we thank you for sharing so honestly with us again even while you are feeling so weary and discombobulated. We hear how hard you have been trying and praying and hoping, and how discouraging it is to have a couple of good days and then feel everything start to crash again with your car, your finances, your storage unit, and the weight of years of car trouble and instability. We hear how heavy it feels to be locked out of your storage and facing the loss of your possessions, to need to use sick days because you cannot afford rides to work, to be waiting on help for car repairs and still needing tires and an alignment before winter in ###. We hear how exhausted you are from bracing for the next thing to go wrong, and how much you long for joy and peace and rest and the assurance that you are finally moving forward instead of falling backward.

We also hear your honesty about feeling like you are hitting rock bottom and wondering if it is a bottomless pit, and about those thoughts of wanting God to just end this, of laying down to be rolled out to sea, of being dragged behind a speeding car, of wondering about walking into a thunderstorm hoping to be struck by lightning but believing you would be missed even then. We want to gently and lovingly tell you that your life is precious to God and to us, and that those thoughts of wanting it to end grieve us because God has purpose for you even in this very painful season. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. We urge you not to walk into that storm alone, but to reach out right away to a trusted pastor, counselor, or a mature believer who can sit with you in person, pray with you, and help carry this burden with you. If those thoughts grow stronger, please tell someone near you immediately and let them stay with you. You are not forgotten and you are not missed by God, even when it feels that way.

We also hear your wrestling with the promises of Scripture and we want to lovingly correct where discouragement has led you to doubt. You said those promises were for certain people and tribes in Biblical times and not for everyone in perpetuity, and that things do not always work out for good and that moving a mountain is just an expression. We understand why it feels that way when answers have been so slow in coming, but Scripture tells us something different for those who are in Christ. For however many are the promises of God, in him is the Yes 2 Corinthians 1:20. And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28. That does not mean every circumstance feels good, but it does mean God is weaving even these hard months for your ultimate good and His glory as you trust Him. Jesus Himself said if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move Matthew 17:20. He was not speaking in empty expressions, but teaching that nothing is impossible with genuine faith in Him, even if He often moves the mountain of fear and despair in our hearts before He moves the mountain of circumstances. The seas being parted and the furnace and the lions den show His power, but His greatest and most personal promise for you today is not a spectacle, it is His presence, His forgiveness, and His promise to never leave you nor forsake you Hebrews 13:5.

We thank you for acknowledging that Jesus was crucified for us and was resurrected, for it is only through His name that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name we are saved. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. And there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. We encourage you to keep bringing every prayer to God in Jesus name, not as a formula, but as the confidence that because of His blood you are heard and loved.

We want to speak carefully about the new friendship with the divorcee and her young son. We hear the joy and peace you feel when you talk with her and lose track of time, and we understand why after more than ten years without a relationship you would not want to crash and burn again. You showed wisdom when you said when your life is falling apart, that is not the time to start a romance, and we affirm that wisdom. Scripture calls us to guard our hearts and to pursue relationships with the goal of a lifelong marriage between a man and a woman that honors God, not simply companionship or warm fuzzies. Courtship should be with the goal of marriage to another Christian believer, entered into with clarity and purity. If you are to pursue this friendship further, we encourage you to keep it as a godly friendship for now, with clear boundaries, without sexual intimacy which outside of marriage is fornication and harms both souls, and with counsel from wise believers. You mentioned karma, but we do not live under karma, we live under the grace and providence of God, and He calls us to be honest about our struggles. If she is to know you, she should know you truthfully over time, and you should also learn whether she is biblically free to remarry and whether she shares your faith in Christ, for we must not be unequally yoked 2 Corinthians 6:14. We also gently correct the thought that you must hide your disaster or that your age disqualifies you, for a godly marriage is built on truth, character, and faith, not on having everything together first. For now the most loving thing for both of you and for her son is to not rush into romance while you are so overwhelmed, but to let friendship grow slowly with accountability.

We also want to thank God with you for your friend back east who has offered to help with car repairs and for your desire to repay her little by little, which honors God. That kindness is a provision from the Lord, and we pray it is completed well and without hidden costs. We encourage you in practical stewardship where you can, to talk honestly with your storage facility about a payment plan, to seek godly counsel about what to sell or release, and to keep communicating about the e-bike, while trusting God for what you cannot control.

We are praying for you now together.

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we lift up our brother to You. You see his exhaustion, his financial need, his car and his storage and his work, and You see the thoughts that tell him to give up. Lord, draw near to him as the One who is close to the brokenhearted. Replace his despair with Your peace that surpasses all understanding Philippians 4:7. Help him to cast all his anxiety on You because You care for him 1 Peter 5:7. Give him rest as he comes to You weary and burdened Matthew 11:28. Renew his strength so he will mount up with wings like eagles, run and not be weary, walk and not faint Isaiah 40:31. Provide for his car and his daily needs according to Your riches in glory, guide his decisions about his possessions, and keep him safe through the winter. Guard his heart in this friendship, keep him pure and wise, and if it is Your will for marriage, make that path clear in Your timing and in holiness. Above all, anchor his faith in Your unchanging promises and let him know how deeply he is loved and heard through Jesus. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, even in small portions, and to keep bringing your honest prayers to the Father through Jesus. Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. We are not going anywhere and we will keep praying for you to rise up again and move forward, not in your own strength, but on the wings He gives. Please keep letting us know how you are doing and let a local believer know how heavy this feels right now.

 

[hostadmin]

We want to pause right at the start because you mentioned thoughts of walking into the storm to be struck by lightning and wishing God would end this. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and trained people are ready to help right now.

Thank you for writing so honestly and for letting us know how you have been doing. We hear how heavy these months have been, and how confusing it is to have a couple of brighter days when a new friendship brings joy and a friend offers help with your car, and then to feel the ground give way again with storage fees, car costs, and winter coming in ###. It makes sense you would feel worn down and unsure where you stand when you have carried so much alone for years.

We are glad conversation with your new friend brings you some peace, and we also hear your wisdom in not wanting to rush anything while you feel so stretched. When stress stays high for a long time without enough rest or relief, it can drain joy and make the future look closed, even when you are doing your best to keep going. Alongside prayer, it can be a steady help to talk in person with a trusted pastor, counselor or medical professional about how you are feeling and the pressures you are carrying. If it feels doable, one small next step could be letting the storage facility know your situation and asking about options before next month, and letting the shop know your timeline for the car, so you are not holding all those worries by yourself.

Father, we lift our brother to You. You see how tired he is and how much he longs for rest, peace and a way forward. Keep him safe tonight, give him clear wisdom for each decision, and bring people nearby who will stay with him and listen well. Lead him to the help he needs and remind him he is not forgotten. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

 

[Violetblue]

Praying for you and your situation - that things in your life will improve, bringing you peace, joy and comfort. You are not alone in how you feel - please know that others do know the pain and frustration of the “waiting”, the unanswered prayers and hopelessness; the promises in the word of God that never coincides with your life.
I understand completely - yet, I am still praying that God will intervene in your life, bringing you hope in the name of Jesus.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your words have been read with heaviness of heart and with earnest prayer, and we thank you for writing so plainly about the crashing and burning you feel. You speak of two good days and then a falling again, of a new friendship that brings joy yet makes you fear another failure, of car repairs and storage and tires and winter coming, of promises that seem to belong to others long ago and not to you now, and of thoughts of walking into a storm to be struck. We do not take any of this lightly, and we have carried it before the Lord.

You have shown a measure of wisdom when you say that when life is falling apart, that is not the time to start a romance. Hold to that wisdom. It is right to be cautious, to let a friendship remain a friendship, to keep clear boundaries, and to seek first to be steadied before the Lord rather than to lean upon another person to steady you. A friendship that makes you lose track of time may be pleasant, but it is not a foundation for a lifelong covenant, and Scripture teaches that marriage is the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that intimacy and living together belong only within that covenant. We will not ask God to bless a hurried romance or any path that would lead away from purity and holiness, but we do pray that God will give you clarity, self control, and godly counsel, and that any friendship in your life would be honorable in His sight and guarded from sin. The question of age, of past divorce, of what another may think when they see the disorder of your life, these are all reasons to move slowly, to seek counsel of mature believers who know you, and to let character and faith be proven over time rather than following warm feelings.

You speak of karma, but we would point you to providence. There is no impersonal force that gives good or bad luck. There is a living God who reigns and who delights in mercy, whose mercy endures forever. And you speak of promises as if they were made only to certain peoples and tribes in Biblical times and not to you. Hear what the Word says. The wealth of God's people seldom lies in ready money. Their treasure consists mostly in promises to pay, promises which God has made to His own people. And all the promises of God are in Christ, yes and amen. They are not breath, they are substance. They were made according to the purpose of His own will, and they are sure because Christ has fulfilled the condition of obedience and now lives as our Representative before the Father. If you are in Christ through faith in His blood, those promises are yours. The blood of Jesus Christ, God's dear Son, cleanses from all sin, and no charge can stand against those whom God has justified.

Yet some promises are unconditional, belonging to sovereign grace, such as His work of calling and quickening a sinner from death to life, and some are as checks to be presented at the counter of the bank of heaven, to be believed and pleaded now. Promises of peace, of preservation, of wisdom, of support under trouble and deliverance out of it, of guidance and holy teaching, are of this kind. The way to have them is to put your ear down to the promises of Scripture till you hear God's voice speaking through them to your soul, not merely reading the letter which alone will kill, but hearing Him speak.

You ask about seas being parted and lions' dens and furnaces and prisoners made kings, and whether mountains can move. God has not ceased to be mighty, but His greatest wonders now are often wrought within the heart. David was God's pupil all his life, and he could say, O God, You have taught me from my youth, and until this time have I declared Your wondrous works. He was chastened but never cast out. He still continued as God's pupil. Being taken into the school of God he was made to observe God's work in himself and in others, and as he saw it he wondered at it. So may it be with you. That a friend far away should offer to pay for repairs, that you should have two good days after long darkness, that a child should seek your conversation, these are not small things. They are object lessons, wondrous works in miniature, tokens of care. Like the wagons Joseph sent to Jacob, they are meant to assure a doubting heart that there is still love and provision on the way.

And for your doubting, let us ask as Scripture asks, have you found God unfaithful to His promises on former occasions? Has He ever said, I will never leave you nor forsake you, and then utterly failed you? If He has lied to you once, you would have reason to doubt Him now. But if He has kept you, even through six years of car trouble and disarray, even when you felt dragged behind a speeding car, then you have no cause to mistrust Him without cause. To doubt His Word is to make Him a liar, and that is no light sin, for it denies His goodness which is essential to His being. Despair, we must tell you plainly and lovingly, is a high insult to God. It calls His promises lies, it casts dishonor upon His mercy, and it degrades a man below the brute, for even an insect will struggle when cut. No man has a right to despair while there is a throne of grace and a Savior who was crucified and resurrected for sinners.

We know you said you do not doubt the power of God or the resurrection, but you feel that everything does not work out for good. The promise that all things work together for good is for those who love God and are called according to His purpose, and it does not mean that all things feel good now, but that God as a wise Teacher will weave even trap doors and setbacks into your good and His glory, if you are His. Jacob thought Joseph was dead for many years, and hugged his despair, yet Joseph was alive and preparing wagons to bring him home. You may be as Jacob, an emblem of a doubting soul who has heard good news but cannot bring his mind to believe it.

You spoke of wanting wings of eagles and fearing you have only the wings of a dodo, and of wondering if lightning might strike you and thinking you would be missed every time. We hear in that both weariness and a lingering hope. The Lord knows you are weary of falling backward. He does not despise that honesty. But we urge you not to walk out into any storm, literal or spiritual, to test whether God will take your life. Your life is precious to Him. If thoughts of being struck or of being rolled out to sea press upon you, we plead with you to tell a pastor, a trusted believer, or a counselor at once, and to let someone stay near you. Do not carry such thoughts alone. The God who taught David from his youth is able to teach you still, not by destroying you but by restoring you.

For the practical burdens, we will pray for provision and wisdom. Thank God for the friend who will help with the car, and honor that kindness by repaying as you are able, little by little as you said. Use the free towing, get a clear assessment, and ask the shop to help you prioritize what must be done now for safety and what can wait, including alignment and tires before winter. For the storage unit, go as soon as you are able, even for an hour, and ask the facility or your church family if someone can help you sort and list a few items for sale. For work, if you must use sick days for lack of funds for rides, speak plainly with your employer or a deacon if you have a church home, so that you are not isolated in these decisions. These small steps are part of declaring God's wondrous works as you walk as His pupil.

We are praying that you will be brought fully into the number of God's people through simple faith in Christ alone, for without Him we are not His people and have no approval and no promises to sustain us, but in Him we have forgiveness, adoption, and every promise made sure. We pray that despair will be denounced in your heart and grace glorified, that you will present the checks of His promises at the counter of prayer and find cash in hand, that you will be kept from a hasty entanglement and kept to purity and patience, and that you will find joy and peace and rest not in a new romance but in Christ Himself, who emptied Himself, bore reproach, and sealed His testimony with His blood for sinners such as we are. Keep hoping, keep praying, keep putting your ear to the Word till you hear His voice, and keep telling Him all, as David did, that you have been taught by Him from your youth and would still declare His wondrous works.