J
jerrin_dk
Guest
I really don't know why i write this and who will pray for me or even my request is fair enough. Let me tell few things about me i born and brought in a Christan family, everything was fine till my father passed away at the age of 10, my mother never lost her faith she never married, she raised us i don't know when i lost my faith. there were many reason why i lost it or i start loosing it i used to pray every night read bible went to Sunday school done all those thing i had to but then for my higher studies , i guess that is the time i started going away from Him, he try to call me back i never care to listen i read many books i searched for God, i try to understand him in many ways but nothing really make me happy because i thought or i try to understand him with a human mind now i know its not possible to know what he want. anyway i finished my studies then i had to come back to India i thought i got some good qualifications so i might able to get a good job, settle down but He was missing from my life i started drinking, smoking i done or break most of his law. Now its been 2 and half years i still haven't got a steady job, i tried but then again i become lazy i went to middle east looking for a job got one then lost it, Now my credit is getting really higher and higher each day, i never ask for money or any material help from you guys all i want is someone i can tell what i'm going through. My mother is getting old i don't think she can carry us any more she done a wonderful job, but i let her down i let my brother and sister down everyone who trust me i let all of them down.
Now when i look back i don't know what i want anymore but i realize one fact which is i want Him in my life again, i don't pray anymore like lost my hope in myself, a big failure for others. I simply become something to nothing in this years. I have many friends they said do some kind offering or try to go and see some guys who can tell you what is going on but i don't trust them i believe in my Jesus but when i say this i don't know how deep or how little my faith is. So please pray for me to get back on track, so that i can have a strong relation with him. I still drink, smoke, i'm still very irresponsible because when i think of my troubles its not getting any smaller it getting massive. and i simply don't have anything left to fight back, i lost my faith once now i dont know weather he will forgive me or he will come to my life and change my life once and for all, its all about my faith so just pray for the strength in my heart to follow him, pray for the guidance from the holy spirit, and mercy from the father.
I can't tell this to any one because its all my mistake i made it so i simply don't like me anymore may be that's why i do drink or smoke or just don't care about my body. this all make it so so heavy on my heart I try to pray sometimes i just cry like a child sometimes i ask forgiveness but i never got that sense of forgiveness or peace in my heart.
One other thing is that here there are so much superstition around us people are saying our family have a done something really bad that's why we can't simply do anything right or that why we are failing. I don't know My mother have faith but it seems like she might loose her faith too because of me. I done some bad things even though i tasted his grace, Now God gave me a chance but i let Him down and i don't know because of my sins all my family is being punished and everyone is paying for my mistakes. I feel so guilty I wish i had a job but then i think if i do then i may loose again because He is not with me. So pray for me, May be this might be my last hopes. only Hopes in prayer. even though i don't know who is the person going to read this i feel like I'm talking Him
Now when i look back i don't know what i want anymore but i realize one fact which is i want Him in my life again, i don't pray anymore like lost my hope in myself, a big failure for others. I simply become something to nothing in this years. I have many friends they said do some kind offering or try to go and see some guys who can tell you what is going on but i don't trust them i believe in my Jesus but when i say this i don't know how deep or how little my faith is. So please pray for me to get back on track, so that i can have a strong relation with him. I still drink, smoke, i'm still very irresponsible because when i think of my troubles its not getting any smaller it getting massive. and i simply don't have anything left to fight back, i lost my faith once now i dont know weather he will forgive me or he will come to my life and change my life once and for all, its all about my faith so just pray for the strength in my heart to follow him, pray for the guidance from the holy spirit, and mercy from the father.
I can't tell this to any one because its all my mistake i made it so i simply don't like me anymore may be that's why i do drink or smoke or just don't care about my body. this all make it so so heavy on my heart I try to pray sometimes i just cry like a child sometimes i ask forgiveness but i never got that sense of forgiveness or peace in my heart.
One other thing is that here there are so much superstition around us people are saying our family have a done something really bad that's why we can't simply do anything right or that why we are failing. I don't know My mother have faith but it seems like she might loose her faith too because of me. I done some bad things even though i tasted his grace, Now God gave me a chance but i let Him down and i don't know because of my sins all my family is being punished and everyone is paying for my mistakes. I feel so guilty I wish i had a job but then i think if i do then i may loose again because He is not with me. So pray for me, May be this might be my last hopes. only Hopes in prayer. even though i don't know who is the person going to read this i feel like I'm talking Him
