J
jerrin_dk
Guest
I really don't know why I write this and who will pray for me or even if my request is fair enough. Let me tell a few things about me. I was born and brought up in a Christian family; everything was fine until my father passed away at the age of 10. My mother never lost her faith; she never remarried and raised us. I don't know when I lost my faith. There were many reasons why I lost it or started losing it. I used to pray every night, read the Bible, went to Sunday school, and did all those things I had to, but then, for my higher studies, I guess that is the time I started going away from Him. He tried to call me back, but I never cared to listen. I read many books and searched for God. I tried to understand Him in many ways, but nothing really made me happy because I thought or tried to understand Him with a human mind. Now I know it's not possible to know what He wants.
Anyway, I finished my studies, then I had to come back to India. I thought I had some good qualifications, so I might be able to get a good job and settle down, but He was missing from my life. I started drinking, smoking, and I broke most of His laws. Now it's been 2 and a half years, and I still haven't got a steady job. I tried, but then again, I became lazy. I went to the Middle East looking for a job, got one, then lost it. Now my credit is getting really higher and higher each day. I never ask for money or any material help from you guys; all I want is someone I can tell what I'm going through. My mother is getting old; I don't think she can carry us anymore. She did a wonderful job, but I let her down. I let my brother and sister down, everyone who trusted me. I let all of them down.
Now, when I look back, I don't know what I want anymore, but I realize one fact: I want Him in my life again. I don't pray anymore; I've lost hope in myself. I'm a big failure for others. I simply became something to nothing in these years. I have many friends; they said do some kind of offering or try to go and see some guys who can tell you what is going on, but I don't trust them. I believe in my Jesus, but when I say this, I don't know how deep or how little my faith is. So please pray for me to get back on track so that I can have a strong relationship with Him. I still drink, smoke, and I'm still very irresponsible. When I think of my troubles, they're not getting any smaller; they're getting massive. And I simply don't have anything left to fight back. I lost my faith once; now I don't know whether He will forgive me or whether He will come into my life and change my life once and for all. It's all about my faith, so just pray for the strength in my heart to follow Him, pray for the guidance from the Holy Spirit, and mercy from the Father.
I can't tell this to anyone because it's all my mistake; I made it, so I simply don't like myself anymore. Maybe that's why I drink or smoke or just don't care about my body. This all makes it so heavy on my heart. I try to pray sometimes; I just cry like a child. Sometimes I ask for forgiveness, but I never get that sense of forgiveness or peace in my heart.
One other thing is that here there are so many superstitions around us. People are saying our family has done something really bad, that's why we can't simply do anything right or that's why we are failing. I don't know. My mother has faith, but it seems like she might lose her faith too because of me. I did some bad things even though I tasted His grace. Now God gave me a chance, but I let Him down, and I don't know if, because of my sins, all my family is being punished and everyone is paying for my mistakes. I feel so guilty. I wish I had a job, but then I think if I do, then I may lose again because He is not with me. So pray for me; maybe this might be my last hope. Only hope in prayer. Even though I don't know who is the person going to read this, I feel like I'm talking to Him.
Anyway, I finished my studies, then I had to come back to India. I thought I had some good qualifications, so I might be able to get a good job and settle down, but He was missing from my life. I started drinking, smoking, and I broke most of His laws. Now it's been 2 and a half years, and I still haven't got a steady job. I tried, but then again, I became lazy. I went to the Middle East looking for a job, got one, then lost it. Now my credit is getting really higher and higher each day. I never ask for money or any material help from you guys; all I want is someone I can tell what I'm going through. My mother is getting old; I don't think she can carry us anymore. She did a wonderful job, but I let her down. I let my brother and sister down, everyone who trusted me. I let all of them down.
Now, when I look back, I don't know what I want anymore, but I realize one fact: I want Him in my life again. I don't pray anymore; I've lost hope in myself. I'm a big failure for others. I simply became something to nothing in these years. I have many friends; they said do some kind of offering or try to go and see some guys who can tell you what is going on, but I don't trust them. I believe in my Jesus, but when I say this, I don't know how deep or how little my faith is. So please pray for me to get back on track so that I can have a strong relationship with Him. I still drink, smoke, and I'm still very irresponsible. When I think of my troubles, they're not getting any smaller; they're getting massive. And I simply don't have anything left to fight back. I lost my faith once; now I don't know whether He will forgive me or whether He will come into my life and change my life once and for all. It's all about my faith, so just pray for the strength in my heart to follow Him, pray for the guidance from the Holy Spirit, and mercy from the Father.
I can't tell this to anyone because it's all my mistake; I made it, so I simply don't like myself anymore. Maybe that's why I drink or smoke or just don't care about my body. This all makes it so heavy on my heart. I try to pray sometimes; I just cry like a child. Sometimes I ask for forgiveness, but I never get that sense of forgiveness or peace in my heart.
One other thing is that here there are so many superstitions around us. People are saying our family has done something really bad, that's why we can't simply do anything right or that's why we are failing. I don't know. My mother has faith, but it seems like she might lose her faith too because of me. I did some bad things even though I tasted His grace. Now God gave me a chance, but I let Him down, and I don't know if, because of my sins, all my family is being punished and everyone is paying for my mistakes. I feel so guilty. I wish I had a job, but then I think if I do, then I may lose again because He is not with me. So pray for me; maybe this might be my last hope. Only hope in prayer. Even though I don't know who is the person going to read this, I feel like I'm talking to Him.
