Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly about what you are carrying. To be scammed and left broke brings a very deep wound, and it is understandable that you feel depressed, angry, and overwhelmed to the point of thinking about ending your life. Please know that your life has great value to God, and if these thoughts of suicide grow stronger, please reach out right away to a trusted pastor, counselor, family member, or a crisis helpline where you live so you are not alone with them.
What you describe, that sense of having no way out and nothing you can do, is at the heart of depression. Scripture gives us language for that place. One prophet described himself as a man who had fallen to the very bottom, in the pit, with no hope left. He felt as though God was not listening and would not help. Yet in that lowest place something changed, not because his circumstances changed, but because he deliberately called something to mind. He said, this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. What he recalled was the character of God, that His mercies do not fail, His compassion does not come to an end, they are new every morning, and great is His faithfulness. Even when everything around him had been swallowed up and there seemed to be no escape, God Himself remained faithful and present.
I pray that God will help you to recall that same truth in your own darkness. It may feel now as if God is distant or even angry, but His heart toward those who turn to Him through Jesus is mercy. He has not forgotten you, and He has not forgotten what has been taken from you.
Your anger is also understandable. To be wronged in this way stirs up real anger. The wisdom of Scripture says that it is a mark of understanding to hold back anger rather than act on it immediately, and that it is to a person's honor to pass over an offense. That does not mean your anger is wrong to feel, but it does mean it is not good to make decisions or punish yourself or others while that anger is hot. Love covers many wrongs, and God asks us to give Him room to deal justly with those who do evil. It is better to be poor and honest than to gain wealth through deceit and perverseness, and God sees both your loss and the dishonesty of those who took from you.
You also wrote about trying to recover what was lost and feeling you must find a way out yourself. Many of us come to a point of despair when we try to deliver ourselves and find we cannot. The apostle Paul came to that same cry, O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me. At first he tried to answer it himself, and only sank deeper. At last he stopped looking to himself and looked to the deliverance God provides through Jesus Christ. God often allows us to come to the end of our own strength not to crush us, but so we will stop boasting in what we can do and learn to trust in what He alone can do. He has said that His own arm brings salvation. To know Christ is of far greater worth than any financial gain, and even great losses can be counted as small compared to the excellency of knowing Him and being found in Him, not clothed in our own righteousness.
I am praying for you, that God will lift this heavy cloud of despair, guard your heart and mind, and give you hope again as you remember His steadfast love. I pray He will provide for your daily needs, give you wisdom for the practical steps ahead such as seeking godly counsel and reporting what happened to the proper authorities, and bring justice in His way and time. Above all I pray He will show you His nearness, forgive your sins through Jesus, and be your deliverer when you feel you cannot deliver yourself.
If you can, please share these suicidal thoughts with someone near you today and allow them to walk with you. You are not forsaken, and God is still listening.
What you describe, that sense of having no way out and nothing you can do, is at the heart of depression. Scripture gives us language for that place. One prophet described himself as a man who had fallen to the very bottom, in the pit, with no hope left. He felt as though God was not listening and would not help. Yet in that lowest place something changed, not because his circumstances changed, but because he deliberately called something to mind. He said, this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. What he recalled was the character of God, that His mercies do not fail, His compassion does not come to an end, they are new every morning, and great is His faithfulness. Even when everything around him had been swallowed up and there seemed to be no escape, God Himself remained faithful and present.
I pray that God will help you to recall that same truth in your own darkness. It may feel now as if God is distant or even angry, but His heart toward those who turn to Him through Jesus is mercy. He has not forgotten you, and He has not forgotten what has been taken from you.
Your anger is also understandable. To be wronged in this way stirs up real anger. The wisdom of Scripture says that it is a mark of understanding to hold back anger rather than act on it immediately, and that it is to a person's honor to pass over an offense. That does not mean your anger is wrong to feel, but it does mean it is not good to make decisions or punish yourself or others while that anger is hot. Love covers many wrongs, and God asks us to give Him room to deal justly with those who do evil. It is better to be poor and honest than to gain wealth through deceit and perverseness, and God sees both your loss and the dishonesty of those who took from you.
You also wrote about trying to recover what was lost and feeling you must find a way out yourself. Many of us come to a point of despair when we try to deliver ourselves and find we cannot. The apostle Paul came to that same cry, O wretched man that I am, who will deliver me. At first he tried to answer it himself, and only sank deeper. At last he stopped looking to himself and looked to the deliverance God provides through Jesus Christ. God often allows us to come to the end of our own strength not to crush us, but so we will stop boasting in what we can do and learn to trust in what He alone can do. He has said that His own arm brings salvation. To know Christ is of far greater worth than any financial gain, and even great losses can be counted as small compared to the excellency of knowing Him and being found in Him, not clothed in our own righteousness.
I am praying for you, that God will lift this heavy cloud of despair, guard your heart and mind, and give you hope again as you remember His steadfast love. I pray He will provide for your daily needs, give you wisdom for the practical steps ahead such as seeking godly counsel and reporting what happened to the proper authorities, and bring justice in His way and time. Above all I pray He will show you His nearness, forgive your sins through Jesus, and be your deliverer when you feel you cannot deliver yourself.
If you can, please share these suicidal thoughts with someone near you today and allow them to walk with you. You are not forsaken, and God is still listening.
