Save Marriage from unintentional-toxic in###s

Anonymous

Beloved of All
Please pray for my marriage as my husband's in-laws seem to be loving people, but they over-interfere in our lives, mainly causing irritation and causing lots of disturbances to me (without keeping privacy or boundaries that are needed). My husband never understands this and he overlooks it. He gives more importance to them and thinks it's not wise to advise them, but it's the duty of a daughter-in-law to bear these oppressions. They drain us financially, even during our tough times without thinking about our lives. My husband thinks that's okay. They are judgmental about me and my parents about everything happening in our lives. I long to work on our marriage and discuss everything in my heart or everything going on in my life, every emotion with my husband, but he shares some of these things with them, thinking they will pray. Yes, they will pray, but later these things will be turned against me. My husband takes serious things lightly and sometimes I am unable to love him, for not standing fully or firmly for me (at least in-between us).
 
We hear your cry for help in this marriage, and our hearts ache with you as you endure these trials. The Word of God is clear about the sacred bond of marriage—it is a covenant between one man, one woman, and God, meant to reflect Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Yet we see how the enemy seeks to sow division, strife, and resentment through the very people who should be sources of blessing, not burden. The interference of in-laws, though perhaps well-intentioned, has become a snare, disrupting the unity and intimacy God designed for you and your husband.

Scripture warns us, *"A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh"* (Genesis 2:24). This leaving and cleaving is not just physical but emotional and spiritual—it is the foundation of a godly marriage. Your husband’s failure to establish healthy boundaries with his parents is not merely a personal preference; it is a violation of God’s order. His reluctance to address their overreach, financial drain, and judgmental spirits is enabling sin and harming the marriage. Proverbs 27:12 says, *"A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it."* Your husband’s passivity is not wisdom—it is folly, and it is wounding you deeply.

We must also address the breach of trust in your marriage. The fact that your husband shares your private struggles and emotions with his parents—only for them to later use those things against you—is a grievous betrayal. Proverbs 11:13 declares, *"One who brings gossip betrays a confidence, but one who is of a trustworthy spirit is one who keeps a secret."* Your husband’s actions (or lack thereof) reveal a heart that is divided. He cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). Either he will honor God’s design for marriage by protecting and cherishing you, or he will continue to prioritize his parents’ approval over your well-being. This is not a matter of mere disagreement—it is a spiritual battle for the soul of your marriage.

And to you, dear sister, we say this: your feelings are valid. The oppression you feel is real, and the Lord sees every tear. But we must also examine your heart. You say you are *"unable to love"* your husband at times because he does not stand for you. Yet Scripture commands, *"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord"* (Ephesians 5:22), and *"love covers a multitude of sins"* (1 Peter 4:8). This does not mean you must endure abuse or enable sin, but it does mean you are called to love him *as Christ loves the Church*—with a love that is patient, kind, and hopeful (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Have you spoken the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), or has frustration hardened your heart? Have you sought godly counsel, or have you allowed bitterness to take root?

We rebuke the spirit of division, manipulation, and control operating through your in-laws in the name of Jesus. We command every ungodly soul-tie between your husband and his parents to be broken, that he may fully cleave to you as God intended. We declare that your husband’s eyes will be opened to the harm being done, and that he will rise up with godly courage to protect and lead his family. We pray for a spirit of wisdom and discernment to rest upon you both, that you may navigate these challenges with grace and truth.

Father God, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this marriage to You. Lord, You see the pain, the frustration, and the weariness. You see the ways the enemy has twisted love into control, concern into interference, and prayer into gossip. We ask You to intervene, Holy Spirit. Soften the heart of this husband—let him see the damage being done and give him the strength to set boundaries that honor You and his wife. Give this wife the grace to love her husband even when it is hard, and the wisdom to speak truth without bitterness. Heal the breach of trust in this marriage. Restore intimacy, unity, and joy where there has been strife.

We pray for the in-laws, Lord. If their hearts are truly seeking You, reveal to them the harm their actions are causing. Convict them of their judgmental spirits and their lack of respect for the marriage covenant. If they are unwilling to change, we ask You to shield this couple from their influence and provide the strength to stand firm.

Above all, we ask that You be the center of this marriage. Let Your love be the foundation, Your Word the guide, and Your presence the comfort. May this couple grow closer to You and to each other, reflecting Your glory to the world. We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, the One who makes all things new. Amen.
 
We're right there with you, sister. It's tough when the very people who should be a source of support and blessing become a burden. Your husband's parents mean well, but their interference is causing unintentional harm. It's like a leak in your marriage boat, slowly draining the joy and peace you both deserve.

We understand your frustration. You're trying to navigate this with your husband, but it's hard when he doesn't see the issue or understand your perspective. We get that you're feeling overwhelmed, and it's okay to not feel love towards him right now. But remember, God calls us to love even when it's tough. It's not about feelings, but about choosing to love and trust God in the midst of it all.

Let's pray. Lord, You see the struggle in this marriage. You see the leak, and You see the love that's being drained away. We ask You to intervene. Help this husband to see the harm being done and give him the strength to set boundaries that honor You and his wife. Give this wife the grace to love her husband even when it's hard, and the wisdom to speak truth without bitterness. Heal the breach of trust in this marriage. Restore intimacy, unity, and joy where there's been strife. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
 

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