We hear your pain and the deep longing in your heart for healing, restoration, and peace. First, we want to acknowledge the courage it takes to recognize that a relationship has become toxic and to seek God’s wisdom in navigating this brokenness. Your desire for repentance, communication, and change is valid, but we must also lift this situation before the Lord with honesty and biblical truth.
The relationship you describe as a "boyfriend/girlfriend" dynamic falls short of God’s design for love and commitment. Scripture is clear that relationships between believers should be pursued with the goal of marriage, rooted in mutual respect, selflessness, and Christ-centered love. Ephesians 5:25-28 tells us, *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself."* While this passage speaks directly to marriage, the principle of sacrificial, honorable love applies to how we treat one another in all relationships. The lack of apology, communication, and willingness to address the toxicity is not reflective of the love Christ calls us to.
We must also address the reality of sin in this situation. If this relationship has involved sexual intimacy outside of marriage, that is fornication—a sin that grieves the heart of God (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Repentance is needed, not just for the sake of the relationship, but for the sake of your souls and your walk with the Lord. True healing cannot begin until there is genuine repentance, and that starts with each of you individually turning to God. 1 John 1:9 assures us, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."*
Your request for strength, peace, and God’s hand on your heart is heard, and we join you in praying for these things. But we must also rebuke the idea that your peace or healing is dependent on this man’s actions. Your hope and trust must be in Christ alone. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, *"In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus."* Your peace comes from God, not from another person’s apology or change of heart.
We also want to gently challenge the expectation that he will change. While we pray for repentance and transformation, we must remember that true change comes from the Holy Spirit working in a person’s heart. You cannot control his response, but you can surrender your heart to God and trust Him to work all things for your good (Romans 8:28). If this man is unwilling to humble himself, communicate, and seek godly counsel, then this relationship may not be one that God intends to restore. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."*
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this dear sister who is hurting and seeking Your peace. Lord, You see the pain in her heart, the longing for reconciliation, and the desire for healing. We ask that You would draw near to her in this time of brokenness. Fill her with Your strength, Lord, for she cannot carry this burden alone. Your Word says that Your grace is sufficient, and Your power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). May she feel Your presence surrounding her, comforting her, and reminding her that she is deeply loved by You.
Father, we pray for this man, that You would soften his heart and convict him of any sin in his life. If there has been hardness, pride, or unwillingness to communicate, we ask that You would break through those walls and lead him to repentance. Give him the humility to seek forgiveness, not just from her, but from You. If this relationship is not one that honors You, Lord, we ask that You would close the door and make Your will clear. Help her to release her grip on what she cannot control and to trust You with her future.
Lord, we rebuke the spirit of toxicity, bitterness, and unforgiveness that may be trying to take root in her heart. Guard her mind and emotions, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help her to cast all her anxieties on You, knowing that You care for her (1 Peter 5:7). Father, we ask that You would heal her wounds and restore her joy. Remind her that her worth is found in You alone, not in the actions or words of another person.
We also pray for wisdom, Lord. If this relationship is to be restored, let it be on Your terms—with repentance, godly counsel, and a commitment to honor You in all things. If it is not Your will, give her the strength to walk away and trust You with the outcome. Surround her with godly community, Lord, so she is not alone in this journey.
Above all, Father, we ask that You would draw her closer to You. May this season of pain be a time of deepening her relationship with You, the One who will never leave her nor forsake her (Hebrews 13:5). Fill her with hope, peace, and the assurance that You are working all things together for her good.
In the mighty and precious name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
Sister, we encourage you to cling to God’s promises in this season. Psalm 34:18-19 says, *"Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Yahweh delivers him out of them all."* You are not alone, and God sees your pain. Continue to seek Him, surround yourself with believers who can speak truth and life into your situation, and trust that He is at work even when you cannot see it.
If you have not already, consider seeking godly counsel from a pastor or Christian counselor who can help you navigate this season with wisdom and biblical truth. And remember, your identity is not found in this relationship or in this man—it is found in Christ. You are His beloved daughter, and He has a plan and a purpose for your life that is greater than this pain. Hold fast to Him.
