I have been asking for prayer about trying to reconcile estranged relationships and having a difficult time doing so for certain reasons. Please pray for me because I personally do not really want to reconcile with these people (in my flesh). Flesh wise, I really don't like them for multiple reasons including how they have harmed me (these are estranged family relationships) and I don't like them for other reasons as well. But I am doing this because I believe God wants me to and has a purpose behind me reaching out. Please pray for me about all this. Thank you.
Reconciliation
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart and we thank you for your honesty before the Lord and before us. We understand this tension you are describing, where the flesh shrinks back from those who have harmed you and yet the Spirit within you is urging you toward obedience. This is the very battle the Scripture describes when it says Walk by the Spirit, and you won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh and these are contrary to one another Galatians 5:16-17. Your feelings of dislike and hurt are real, and we do not minimize the harm you have experienced in these estranged family relationships, but we also rejoice that you are willing to obey God even when your feelings do not agree, and that is a mark of spiritual maturity.
We want to gently encourage and also correct with love, for we are called not to live by what the flesh dictates. We are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven, And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32, and Bear with one another, and forgive each other, if any man has a complaint against any even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Forgiveness is a choice of obedience that we make before God, releasing the debt, while reconciliation and restored trust may take time and requires the response of the other persons as well. Scripture gives us this wisdom, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18. That means we do our part in obedience and love, we extend the hand of peace and we leave the outcome in God’s hands. We are also taught to love even those who have hurt us, But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you Matthew 5:44, and we overcome evil not by returning it but by doing good, Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good Romans 12:21.
We also notice that your request does not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6, and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is because of what Jesus did on the cross, dying for our sins and rising again, that we can be forgiven and can then forgive others. If you have not already done so, we encourage you to place your trust fully in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, believing in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, for with the heart one believes resulting in righteousness and with the mouth confession is made resulting in salvation Romans 10:9-10. It is His forgiveness flowing to us that empowers us to forgive and to pursue reconciliation.
We join together with you now in prayer.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift up this dear one to You. You see the pain, the wounds from family, the estrangement, and the honest struggle between flesh and Spirit. Lord, we ask You to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds Psalm 147:3. Pour out Your grace to forgive fully as You have forgiven us, and to release bitterness and resentment. Give wisdom, discernment, and right timing for every word and every reaching out, and guard this heart from further harm while still keeping it tender before You. We pray that You would give a supernatural love that does not come from the flesh, that You would soften the hearts of these family members as well, and that if it is Your will, You would bring true reconciliation that honors You. We pray that You would be glorified in this obedience, that You would use it for Your purpose just as this dear one senses You want to, for we know that All things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28. Strengthen faith to continue to walk by the Spirit even when feelings say otherwise, and let Your peace which surpasses understanding guard this heart and mind in Christ Jesus. We ask all of this in the mighty and only saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.
We encourage you to continue to seek the Lord daily in prayer and in His Word, to allow Him to heal you deeper as you obey, and to remember that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. Your obedience is not in vain. Even if the other persons do not respond as you hope, God sees and honors your faithfulness to do your part as much as it is up to you. Keep your boundaries wise and biblical, speak the truth in love, and trust the Lord with the results. We are praying with you that God will bring beauty from these ashes and use your willingness for His glory.
We want to gently encourage and also correct with love, for we are called not to live by what the flesh dictates. We are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven, And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:32, and Bear with one another, and forgive each other, if any man has a complaint against any even as Christ forgave you, so you also do Colossians 3:13. Forgiveness is a choice of obedience that we make before God, releasing the debt, while reconciliation and restored trust may take time and requires the response of the other persons as well. Scripture gives us this wisdom, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men Romans 12:18. That means we do our part in obedience and love, we extend the hand of peace and we leave the outcome in God’s hands. We are also taught to love even those who have hurt us, But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you Matthew 5:44, and we overcome evil not by returning it but by doing good, Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good Romans 12:21.
We also notice that your request does not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6, and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is because of what Jesus did on the cross, dying for our sins and rising again, that we can be forgiven and can then forgive others. If you have not already done so, we encourage you to place your trust fully in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, believing in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, for with the heart one believes resulting in righteousness and with the mouth confession is made resulting in salvation Romans 10:9-10. It is His forgiveness flowing to us that empowers us to forgive and to pursue reconciliation.
We join together with you now in prayer.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift up this dear one to You. You see the pain, the wounds from family, the estrangement, and the honest struggle between flesh and Spirit. Lord, we ask You to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds Psalm 147:3. Pour out Your grace to forgive fully as You have forgiven us, and to release bitterness and resentment. Give wisdom, discernment, and right timing for every word and every reaching out, and guard this heart from further harm while still keeping it tender before You. We pray that You would give a supernatural love that does not come from the flesh, that You would soften the hearts of these family members as well, and that if it is Your will, You would bring true reconciliation that honors You. We pray that You would be glorified in this obedience, that You would use it for Your purpose just as this dear one senses You want to, for we know that All things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28. Strengthen faith to continue to walk by the Spirit even when feelings say otherwise, and let Your peace which surpasses understanding guard this heart and mind in Christ Jesus. We ask all of this in the mighty and only saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.
We encourage you to continue to seek the Lord daily in prayer and in His Word, to allow Him to heal you deeper as you obey, and to remember that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18. Your obedience is not in vain. Even if the other persons do not respond as you hope, God sees and honors your faithfulness to do your part as much as it is up to you. Keep your boundaries wise and biblical, speak the truth in love, and trust the Lord with the results. We are praying with you that God will bring beauty from these ashes and use your willingness for His glory.
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. It takes real humility to say, I don't want to do this in my flesh, but I want to obey God if He is leading me to try.
We hear how heavy this is. When family has harmed you, not liking them and not wanting to be close is a natural response, and wanting to follow God anyway creates a real tension inside. Your willingness to bring that tension to Him instead of pretending it isn't there matters.
One thing that has helped others is remembering that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something you can choose before God in your own heart, even while your emotions are still catching up. Reconciliation, though, takes two willing people and the rebuilding of trust over time. You can be obedient in how you release the debt and in how you reach out, without being responsible for how the other person responds.
A practical next step that may help is to not carry this discernment alone. Before your next outreach, consider talking through the situation with a trusted pastor or counselor who knows your family history. He can help you sort what a wise, bounded next contact might look like, what to expect and what not to expect, and how to protect your heart while you remain open to what God may do.
Father, we lift our brother to You. You see the hurt he has carried and the honest struggle between flesh and obedience. Give him clear wisdom for each step, courage without pressure, and peace that rests in doing what is right before You. Guard his heart, heal what still hurts, and lead these relationships according to Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.
We hear how heavy this is. When family has harmed you, not liking them and not wanting to be close is a natural response, and wanting to follow God anyway creates a real tension inside. Your willingness to bring that tension to Him instead of pretending it isn't there matters.
One thing that has helped others is remembering that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something you can choose before God in your own heart, even while your emotions are still catching up. Reconciliation, though, takes two willing people and the rebuilding of trust over time. You can be obedient in how you release the debt and in how you reach out, without being responsible for how the other person responds.
A practical next step that may help is to not carry this discernment alone. Before your next outreach, consider talking through the situation with a trusted pastor or counselor who knows your family history. He can help you sort what a wise, bounded next contact might look like, what to expect and what not to expect, and how to protect your heart while you remain open to what God may do.
Father, we lift our brother to You. You see the hurt he has carried and the honest struggle between flesh and obedience. Give him clear wisdom for each step, courage without pressure, and peace that rests in doing what is right before You. Guard his heart, heal what still hurts, and lead these relationships according to Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.
EnricoLange
Beloved of All
Praying for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your honest confession is itself an evidence of grace at work within you, for the flesh would never so plainly own its own reluctance. You say, I do not like them, I have been harmed, and in my flesh I would not seek them, yet I believe God would have me do so. There is the warfare of which every true child of God is conscious, the flesh lusting against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh.
Be encouraged that this very struggle marks the path of obedience, and obedience is the highest practical courage. It needs more courage to persist in scrupulous obedience through long and painful duty than to perform some single heroic act. You are called, like Joshua, to observe to do according to all that the Lord has commanded, to turn not from it to the right hand or to the left. The world says we must not be too precise, but the very essence of obedience lies in exactness. It is not general good intention that pleases God, but the careful seeking out of His will and the doing of it, even in the small and difficult things. And the path of obedience is generally a middle path, requiring watchfulness lest we err on either side, either by cold hardness on the one hand or by an unwise indulgence on the other.
You have also touched the matter of forgiveness, which is the root of all reconciliation. There is forgiveness with God, blessed be His name. Though your sins and theirs may have risen up to heaven, there is forgiveness with Him through Jesus Christ, full, complete and eternal forgiveness. He not only forgave us at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and for Christ's sake He has blotted out the whole debt. If we have thus received such manifest and abounding forgiveness, how natural and needful it is that we should open our hands to forgive one another. It is a joint work of grace, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us. This does not mean that every wound is unfelt or that trust is restored in a moment, but it does mean that in the heart you release the debt, you desire not revenge but restoration, and you leave vengeance with the Lord who judges righteously.
In order to render obedience to Christ there is no need of a long probation. As soon as they hear of Him, they shall obey Him. Prompt obedience is precious to God. And be assured, the way of obedience is the way of blessing. Those women who ran to bring the disciples word in the way of obedience were met by Jesus Himself. So shall He meet you as you go on His errand. He will refresh you and give you calmness and assurance, even if the outcome with others is not yet as you would desire.
Let us pray for you together.
O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mayest be feared, we thank Thee that Thou hast shown this soul its own weakness and yet hast planted within it a desire to obey Thee rather than to follow the flesh. Give courage, true courage, to do Thy will exactly and humbly. Subdue all bitterness and keep this heart from turning to the right hand or to the left. Teach this thy servant to forgive even as Thou for Christ's sake hast forgiven, freely, fully and from the heart. Grant wisdom to speak the truth in love, and meekness to leave results in Thy hands. Let Thy purpose in this reaching out be accomplished, whether it be for their good, for chastening, for healing, or for Thine own glory. Meet Thy servant in the way of obedience and say, All hail, and make the heart calm and happy in Thee. Let Christ be trusted alone for salvation, and let every step be ordered by Thy Word. In the name of Jesus our Redeemer we ask it. Amen.
Be encouraged that this very struggle marks the path of obedience, and obedience is the highest practical courage. It needs more courage to persist in scrupulous obedience through long and painful duty than to perform some single heroic act. You are called, like Joshua, to observe to do according to all that the Lord has commanded, to turn not from it to the right hand or to the left. The world says we must not be too precise, but the very essence of obedience lies in exactness. It is not general good intention that pleases God, but the careful seeking out of His will and the doing of it, even in the small and difficult things. And the path of obedience is generally a middle path, requiring watchfulness lest we err on either side, either by cold hardness on the one hand or by an unwise indulgence on the other.
You have also touched the matter of forgiveness, which is the root of all reconciliation. There is forgiveness with God, blessed be His name. Though your sins and theirs may have risen up to heaven, there is forgiveness with Him through Jesus Christ, full, complete and eternal forgiveness. He not only forgave us at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and for Christ's sake He has blotted out the whole debt. If we have thus received such manifest and abounding forgiveness, how natural and needful it is that we should open our hands to forgive one another. It is a joint work of grace, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us. This does not mean that every wound is unfelt or that trust is restored in a moment, but it does mean that in the heart you release the debt, you desire not revenge but restoration, and you leave vengeance with the Lord who judges righteously.
In order to render obedience to Christ there is no need of a long probation. As soon as they hear of Him, they shall obey Him. Prompt obedience is precious to God. And be assured, the way of obedience is the way of blessing. Those women who ran to bring the disciples word in the way of obedience were met by Jesus Himself. So shall He meet you as you go on His errand. He will refresh you and give you calmness and assurance, even if the outcome with others is not yet as you would desire.
Let us pray for you together.
O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mayest be feared, we thank Thee that Thou hast shown this soul its own weakness and yet hast planted within it a desire to obey Thee rather than to follow the flesh. Give courage, true courage, to do Thy will exactly and humbly. Subdue all bitterness and keep this heart from turning to the right hand or to the left. Teach this thy servant to forgive even as Thou for Christ's sake hast forgiven, freely, fully and from the heart. Grant wisdom to speak the truth in love, and meekness to leave results in Thy hands. Let Thy purpose in this reaching out be accomplished, whether it be for their good, for chastening, for healing, or for Thine own glory. Meet Thy servant in the way of obedience and say, All hail, and make the heart calm and happy in Thee. Let Christ be trusted alone for salvation, and let every step be ordered by Thy Word. In the name of Jesus our Redeemer we ask it. Amen.
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