I have been trying to reconcile some estranged relationships (with difficulty for certain reasons). Over the weekend, because of this difficulty, I wanted to give up on reconciliation with these people and I started posting on my social media (where I have added some of these people who I am trying to reconcile with) carelessly - not caring if I offended any of them with my posts. I wasn't posting anything direct but did post something where I indirectly lamented some of the issues I've had with these people in the past. This was done in a way where I could have been talking about anyone and didn't have to be specifically addressing them. But there is a lot of demonic activity involved in my issues with these people for certain reasons so they may have just "known" this post was directed at them due to this demonic activity. The same could be the case for how they perceived the way I posted other things. Many of these people are not saved and I have been careful since adding them to not post things that could be seen as causing dissenssion between myself and them (while still holding to the truth of the gospel) but over the weekend, I totally disregarded this personal rule. Well, since the weekend, God has turned me toward continuing to try to reconcile these relationships but I also now see that my follower count went down sharply on the social media where I have these people added. I don't have time to see if these people were the ones unfollowing me but there is a good chance they may have been. Please pray for me about all this. Reconciling with these people has been difficult for various reasons and I'm mainly doing it because I know God wants me to try. Honestly, in my flesh, I don't really want these people in my life and even dislike them for various reasons including how they have harmed me. But again, I believe God wants me to reach out for certain reasons and to be forgiving. Thank you.
Reconciliation
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart in this and we commend you for wanting to obey God in this difficult matter even when your flesh is pulling you in the opposite direction. It is honest of you to admit that in your flesh you do not want these people in your life and even dislike them because of how they have harmed you, yet you believe God wants you to try to reconcile. That tension is real and God sees it. We want to walk with you in prayer and in truth.
We must gently rebuke and correct a few things out of love. What you did on social media over the weekend, posting carelessly and indirectly lamenting your issues with these people, was not wise and not honoring to God, even if you did not name them directly. The tongue and the written word have great power. James 3:5 says the tongue is a little member and boasts great things, and James 1:19 tells us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Eph 4:29 says let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. Col 4:6 says let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt. An indirect post that vents frustration is still a form of speaking that can cause dissension and it does not reflect the forgiveness and grace we are called to show. Prov 29:11 says a fool vents all of his feelings, but a wise man brings restraint. Even if demonic activity is involved and people spiritually perceived who you meant, we are still responsible for what we post and for guarding our witness, especially before those who are not saved. If those posts remain, we encourage you to prayerfully consider removing them and if the Lord leads, to privately and humbly acknowledge to those you may have offended that you posted in a moment of discouragement. That is part of walking in humility and peacemaking.
We also want to encourage you biblically about reconciliation itself. God is a God of reconciliation. 2 Cor 5:18 says God reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. Yet scripture also gives us balance and wisdom. Rom 12:18 says if it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Matt 5:44 says love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. Eph 4:32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Col 3:13 says bearing with one another and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. This shows us that forgiveness is commanded and is a matter of your heart before God, whether the other person ever repents or reconciles or not. Reconciliation, however, requires two willing parties and it cannot be forced. You are called to obey God in offering forgiveness, in praying for them, in seeking peace as far as it depends on you, and in leaving the outcome in His hands. Your sharp drop in followers may or may not be those individuals, but we encourage you not to fix your heart on numbers or on monitoring who follows or unfollows. God is not measuring your obedience by social media metrics, He is looking at your heart and your faithfulness.
You mentioned demonic activity surrounding these relationships. We believe you, for Eph 6:12 says our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. At the same time we must not give the enemy more credit than he is due nor live in fear of his perception. We have authority in Christ and we are called to pray, to put on the whole armor of God, to speak truth in love, and to not give the devil an opportunity through anger or bitterness. Eph 4:26-27 says be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil.
We noticed in your request you spoke of God but did not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Acts 4:12 says there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved. Rom 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It is because of what Jesus did on the cross, taking our sin and rising again, that we can be forgiven and can forgive others. If you have not already, place your full trust in Jesus alone for salvation, and come to God in prayer through Him. It is in Jesus name that our prayers are heard.
We are praying together with you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, and we thank You for this dear one who desires to obey You even when it is painful. Lord, we ask You to search their heart and cleanse any bitterness, dislike, or resentment that has taken root, and fill them with Your love and tenderhearted forgiveness. Help them to forgive as You in Christ forgave them. We confess before You the careless words posted in a moment of discouragement and we ask for Your mercy and cleansing. Give them wisdom to steward their words and their social media as a testimony of grace, that their speech may always be with grace and seasoned with salt. Lord, we pray for each of these estranged people, many of whom are not saved, that You would draw them to Yourself, open their eyes to the gospel, and save them. We pray against every demonic influence and scheme that seeks to stir division and offense, and we pray You would bind the work of the enemy and let Your peace rule. Show our dear friend what the next faithful step is, whether to reach out privately, to wait, or to simply continue in prayer, and give them discernment to know what is possible as far as it depends on them. Guard them from discouragement over follower counts or perceived rejection, and help them to find their worth and affirmation in You alone. Strengthen them to love their enemies, to bless those who have harmed them, and to walk in the ministry of reconciliation You have given us. We ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.
We encourage you to keep seeking the Lord daily in prayer and in the Word, to remain quick to listen and slow to speak, and to trust God with the results. Continue to pray for these people by name, to bless them and desire their salvation, even while you set healthy and biblical boundaries if needed. God will honor your obedience as you walk in love and truth, and He will give you the grace to do what your flesh cannot do alone.
We must gently rebuke and correct a few things out of love. What you did on social media over the weekend, posting carelessly and indirectly lamenting your issues with these people, was not wise and not honoring to God, even if you did not name them directly. The tongue and the written word have great power. James 3:5 says the tongue is a little member and boasts great things, and James 1:19 tells us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Eph 4:29 says let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. Col 4:6 says let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt. An indirect post that vents frustration is still a form of speaking that can cause dissension and it does not reflect the forgiveness and grace we are called to show. Prov 29:11 says a fool vents all of his feelings, but a wise man brings restraint. Even if demonic activity is involved and people spiritually perceived who you meant, we are still responsible for what we post and for guarding our witness, especially before those who are not saved. If those posts remain, we encourage you to prayerfully consider removing them and if the Lord leads, to privately and humbly acknowledge to those you may have offended that you posted in a moment of discouragement. That is part of walking in humility and peacemaking.
We also want to encourage you biblically about reconciliation itself. God is a God of reconciliation. 2 Cor 5:18 says God reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. Yet scripture also gives us balance and wisdom. Rom 12:18 says if it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Matt 5:44 says love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. Eph 4:32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Col 3:13 says bearing with one another and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. This shows us that forgiveness is commanded and is a matter of your heart before God, whether the other person ever repents or reconciles or not. Reconciliation, however, requires two willing parties and it cannot be forced. You are called to obey God in offering forgiveness, in praying for them, in seeking peace as far as it depends on you, and in leaving the outcome in His hands. Your sharp drop in followers may or may not be those individuals, but we encourage you not to fix your heart on numbers or on monitoring who follows or unfollows. God is not measuring your obedience by social media metrics, He is looking at your heart and your faithfulness.
You mentioned demonic activity surrounding these relationships. We believe you, for Eph 6:12 says our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. At the same time we must not give the enemy more credit than he is due nor live in fear of his perception. We have authority in Christ and we are called to pray, to put on the whole armor of God, to speak truth in love, and to not give the devil an opportunity through anger or bitterness. Eph 4:26-27 says be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil.
We noticed in your request you spoke of God but did not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Acts 4:12 says there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved. Rom 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It is because of what Jesus did on the cross, taking our sin and rising again, that we can be forgiven and can forgive others. If you have not already, place your full trust in Jesus alone for salvation, and come to God in prayer through Him. It is in Jesus name that our prayers are heard.
We are praying together with you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, and we thank You for this dear one who desires to obey You even when it is painful. Lord, we ask You to search their heart and cleanse any bitterness, dislike, or resentment that has taken root, and fill them with Your love and tenderhearted forgiveness. Help them to forgive as You in Christ forgave them. We confess before You the careless words posted in a moment of discouragement and we ask for Your mercy and cleansing. Give them wisdom to steward their words and their social media as a testimony of grace, that their speech may always be with grace and seasoned with salt. Lord, we pray for each of these estranged people, many of whom are not saved, that You would draw them to Yourself, open their eyes to the gospel, and save them. We pray against every demonic influence and scheme that seeks to stir division and offense, and we pray You would bind the work of the enemy and let Your peace rule. Show our dear friend what the next faithful step is, whether to reach out privately, to wait, or to simply continue in prayer, and give them discernment to know what is possible as far as it depends on them. Guard them from discouragement over follower counts or perceived rejection, and help them to find their worth and affirmation in You alone. Strengthen them to love their enemies, to bless those who have harmed them, and to walk in the ministry of reconciliation You have given us. We ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.
We encourage you to keep seeking the Lord daily in prayer and in the Word, to remain quick to listen and slow to speak, and to trust God with the results. Continue to pray for these people by name, to bless them and desire their salvation, even while you set healthy and biblical boundaries if needed. God will honor your obedience as you walk in love and truth, and He will give you the grace to do what your flesh cannot do alone.
We hear how heavy this has been for you, and how much you want to honor God even when part of you just wants to step away from these relationships. Caring enough to keep trying when you have been hurt, and feeling convicted about those posts, shows a sincere heart.
What you described makes sense. Wanting to give up for a weekend and posting out of discouragement does not undo your desire to do what is right, but it can leave you wondering if you have made things harder. It is understandable to watch that follower count drop and worry it means those specific people pulled away.
One thing that may help as you keep praying is remembering that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is the choice we make before God to release revenge and wish good rather than harm, even while hurt feelings are still healing. Reconciliation is the rebuilding of trust and relationship, and that takes willingness on both sides. You can faithfully do your part without being able to control how others respond.
A simple next step that could protect the good work God is doing in you would be to pause on posting anything that could be read as about these relationships, and instead take any concern directly to God first and then, if you sense God leading you to reach out, do it privately and individually with one person at a time. It can also help to talk through the wording with a trusted pastor or mature friend before you send it, so you feel clearer and less anxious afterward.
Father, we lift our friend to You. You see the hurt, the dislike that still lingers, and the honest desire to obey You. Give wisdom for each next conversation, guard their words online and in person, and bring peace as they trust You with the outcome. Heal what has been wounded and guide these relationships according to Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.
What you described makes sense. Wanting to give up for a weekend and posting out of discouragement does not undo your desire to do what is right, but it can leave you wondering if you have made things harder. It is understandable to watch that follower count drop and worry it means those specific people pulled away.
One thing that may help as you keep praying is remembering that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is the choice we make before God to release revenge and wish good rather than harm, even while hurt feelings are still healing. Reconciliation is the rebuilding of trust and relationship, and that takes willingness on both sides. You can faithfully do your part without being able to control how others respond.
A simple next step that could protect the good work God is doing in you would be to pause on posting anything that could be read as about these relationships, and instead take any concern directly to God first and then, if you sense God leading you to reach out, do it privately and individually with one person at a time. It can also help to talk through the wording with a trusted pastor or mature friend before you send it, so you feel clearer and less anxious afterward.
Father, we lift our friend to You. You see the hurt, the dislike that still lingers, and the honest desire to obey You. Give wisdom for each next conversation, guard their words online and in person, and bring peace as they trust You with the outcome. Heal what has been wounded and guide these relationships according to Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your letter has been read with much prayer and careful thought, and I thank you for the honesty with which you have opened your heart. You describe a true conflict of the soul, the flesh shrinking from those who have harmed you and the Spirit within you constraining you to seek peace and to forgive, because you know that God would have you do so. This is no small struggle, and it is well that you bring it into the light before the Lord.
First, let me speak to you of the forgiveness which you yourself need and which is freely given to every penitent sinner. There is forgiveness with God, and that forgiveness is divine, surprising and complete. It is not the forgiveness of man, which is often grudging and partial, but it is God Himself who says, I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. It is surprising forgiveness, so great that the Lord seems to repeat Himself that we might believe it, and it is complete forgiveness, blotting out the record, nailing the debt to the cross, and remembering it no more. If you have acted carelessly in your speech, if you have in weariness given way to a spirit of offence and posted words which might cause dissension, even though veiled and indirect, confess this plainly to the Lord. He not only forgave you at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and His forgiveness is an eternal forgiveness through the blood of Christ. There is forgiveness now, at this moment, for every sin confessed through Jesus Christ His Son, for there is no other name by which we must be saved.
From that forgiveness flows your calling to forgive others. The pattern set before us is this, Even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Consider how He forgave. He loved His enemies, He lived for His enemies, He died for His enemies, and from the cross He prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. His was a living, loving, lasting union with His people, and because we have that living and loving union with Him, we are enabled to love those who have injured us. You say truly that in your flesh you dislike these persons and would rather be quit of them. This is the old nature speaking. But the new nature, born of that union with Christ, loves with His love, a love to the unworthy, love to enemies, love which caused itself and flows from free grace. Some of us have had so much manifest forgiveness, so much outward sin forgiven, that for us to forgive ought to be as natural as to open our hands.
Concerning your conduct on that social media, take it as a solemn lesson. The tongue and the pen are unruly members, and what is posted in haste, even in vague lamentation, is seldom hidden from those for whom it was intended. The Lord calls us to a more excellent way, to go privately and speak plainly in love, rather than to publish griefs where many may stumble. If you fear you have offended, it would be comely and right, as the Lord gives opportunity, to acknowledge it simply and without excuse to those concerned, not to excuse yourself by speaking of demonic activity, but to own your part. There is indeed a spiritual adversary who sows suspicion and division, but Christ has overcome him, and our duty is to be sober, watchful, and above all responsible for our own words. Let your speech henceforth be seasoned with grace, holding firmly to the truth of the gospel while seeking, as much as lieth in you, to live peaceably with all men.
Do not let your heart be troubled by the number of those who follow or unfollow you. That count is a poor measure of faithfulness. Reconciliation is not to be weighed by such things. Some will hear and some will forbear, for many of these persons, as you say, are not saved, and the gospel itself is an offence to them. Your task is obedience, not success. You are to extend the hand of peace in a manner that is honest and holy, leaving the result with God who alone can change the heart.
Therefore continue as God has now turned your heart to do, to seek reconciliation for His sake, not because affection compels you, but because Christ has forgiven you and commands you to forgive. Pray for the salvation of those estranged friends, that they may come to know that same forgiveness which you have found.
Let us pray together.
O gracious Father, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mightest be feared, we bless Thee for that great forgiveness for great sin through the blood of Jesus Christ, Thy Son. Wash this Thy servant anew in that fountain, and give assurance of complete pardon. Fill the heart with Thy living and loving grace, that out of union with Christ there may flow love to enemies and strength to forgive even as Christ has forgiven. Grant wisdom to speak rightly, to put away all indirect and careless words, and to seek peace in meekness and truth. Restrain the power of the evil one, and let Thy Holy Spirit work reconciliation where it will glorify Thee, and give patience to leave results in Thy hands. Turn the hearts of those who know Thee not, that they may be brought from darkness to light and taste Thy mercy. Keep this soul from despair and from pride, and make it steadfast in doing Thy will, for Jesus sake. Amen.
First, let me speak to you of the forgiveness which you yourself need and which is freely given to every penitent sinner. There is forgiveness with God, and that forgiveness is divine, surprising and complete. It is not the forgiveness of man, which is often grudging and partial, but it is God Himself who says, I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. It is surprising forgiveness, so great that the Lord seems to repeat Himself that we might believe it, and it is complete forgiveness, blotting out the record, nailing the debt to the cross, and remembering it no more. If you have acted carelessly in your speech, if you have in weariness given way to a spirit of offence and posted words which might cause dissension, even though veiled and indirect, confess this plainly to the Lord. He not only forgave you at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and His forgiveness is an eternal forgiveness through the blood of Christ. There is forgiveness now, at this moment, for every sin confessed through Jesus Christ His Son, for there is no other name by which we must be saved.
From that forgiveness flows your calling to forgive others. The pattern set before us is this, Even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Consider how He forgave. He loved His enemies, He lived for His enemies, He died for His enemies, and from the cross He prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. His was a living, loving, lasting union with His people, and because we have that living and loving union with Him, we are enabled to love those who have injured us. You say truly that in your flesh you dislike these persons and would rather be quit of them. This is the old nature speaking. But the new nature, born of that union with Christ, loves with His love, a love to the unworthy, love to enemies, love which caused itself and flows from free grace. Some of us have had so much manifest forgiveness, so much outward sin forgiven, that for us to forgive ought to be as natural as to open our hands.
Concerning your conduct on that social media, take it as a solemn lesson. The tongue and the pen are unruly members, and what is posted in haste, even in vague lamentation, is seldom hidden from those for whom it was intended. The Lord calls us to a more excellent way, to go privately and speak plainly in love, rather than to publish griefs where many may stumble. If you fear you have offended, it would be comely and right, as the Lord gives opportunity, to acknowledge it simply and without excuse to those concerned, not to excuse yourself by speaking of demonic activity, but to own your part. There is indeed a spiritual adversary who sows suspicion and division, but Christ has overcome him, and our duty is to be sober, watchful, and above all responsible for our own words. Let your speech henceforth be seasoned with grace, holding firmly to the truth of the gospel while seeking, as much as lieth in you, to live peaceably with all men.
Do not let your heart be troubled by the number of those who follow or unfollow you. That count is a poor measure of faithfulness. Reconciliation is not to be weighed by such things. Some will hear and some will forbear, for many of these persons, as you say, are not saved, and the gospel itself is an offence to them. Your task is obedience, not success. You are to extend the hand of peace in a manner that is honest and holy, leaving the result with God who alone can change the heart.
Therefore continue as God has now turned your heart to do, to seek reconciliation for His sake, not because affection compels you, but because Christ has forgiven you and commands you to forgive. Pray for the salvation of those estranged friends, that they may come to know that same forgiveness which you have found.
Let us pray together.
O gracious Father, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mightest be feared, we bless Thee for that great forgiveness for great sin through the blood of Jesus Christ, Thy Son. Wash this Thy servant anew in that fountain, and give assurance of complete pardon. Fill the heart with Thy living and loving grace, that out of union with Christ there may flow love to enemies and strength to forgive even as Christ has forgiven. Grant wisdom to speak rightly, to put away all indirect and careless words, and to seek peace in meekness and truth. Restrain the power of the evil one, and let Thy Holy Spirit work reconciliation where it will glorify Thee, and give patience to leave results in Thy hands. Turn the hearts of those who know Thee not, that they may be brought from darkness to light and taste Thy mercy. Keep this soul from despair and from pride, and make it steadfast in doing Thy will, for Jesus sake. Amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
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