FROMWOUNDEDNESS
Account Closed
Procrastination.........just lost another entire day to doing nothing of value. Didn't look for work, didn't clean the house, didn't cook. Even the kids are tired $5 pizzas. Still not a single christmas present in the house, with 2 kids who still believe in Old Saint Nick. Haven't paid rent. Can we say pity party USA?! With so many "real" issues and request below, I should be embarressed to "click here to post." Going to blame PMS for my self pity b/c I am not typically sad...just depressed in every other way. Depression? LAziness? Does it really matter what we call it if God says move and we don't move. I need motivation, and not "you have surprise company coming" kind of motivation. True.....INTERNAL......motivation.
Why is it I can be so moved in worship, so near to God and get home and let all my flaws creep right back in. I am starting to think all of those family issues that I have been grateful not to acquire have snuck in somewhere. Strongholds, family curses, genetics? Doesn't matter how we label them. This "thorn in my side" keeps me grounded, but I can't seem to get out of this pit. And the desire to do so comes at moments like this, when i need to be headed to bed. Even my husband leaving me hasn't inspired the "apparent" changes I need to make. How can I expect God to return him to me, if I can't change the things I NEED to change?
Sorry to put it all out there........but prayer is powerful, and some night i just can't do it alone. I need to change, I want to change. I miss the girl I was, and hate the woman I have become. I want to be the woman God's wants me to be AT HOME for myself, my kids and not just for others.
Why is it I can be so moved in worship, so near to God and get home and let all my flaws creep right back in. I am starting to think all of those family issues that I have been grateful not to acquire have snuck in somewhere. Strongholds, family curses, genetics? Doesn't matter how we label them. This "thorn in my side" keeps me grounded, but I can't seem to get out of this pit. And the desire to do so comes at moments like this, when i need to be headed to bed. Even my husband leaving me hasn't inspired the "apparent" changes I need to make. How can I expect God to return him to me, if I can't change the things I NEED to change?
Sorry to put it all out there........but prayer is powerful, and some night i just can't do it alone. I need to change, I want to change. I miss the girl I was, and hate the woman I have become. I want to be the woman God's wants me to be AT HOME for myself, my kids and not just for others.
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