Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. What you have described carries deep pain, confusion, disappointment and loneliness, and it is right to bring it into the light before God and before trusted people instead of carrying it alone.
God sees what has happened, including the deception. When a man who is already bound to his wife by covenant pursues another woman, that is adultery before God. It is not only adultery when a married woman is involved, but also when a married man defiles himself with a woman who is free, because he has broken the vow he made to his wife and sinned against his own flesh. The responsibility for that deceit lies with him, and it was wrong for him to propose to you while hiding his marriage and then to abandon you.
At the same time, God calls all sexual intimacy to belong only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Sex outside of that covenant, giving in to lust in the heart and in the body, and continuing in any ongoing sexual relationship with a married man are sin against God. That includes the struggle you have described since your teenage years with strong sexual desire and with masturbation, and the loss of virginity and this present pregnancy outside of marriage. These things are not small before God, because Jesus taught that even to look with lust is already to commit adultery in the heart. Naming this honestly is not to shame you, but to make clear where repentance is needed so that forgiveness can be received.
There is good news. Forgiveness does not come by our own efforts or by trying harder, but by grace through Jesus Christ alone. Scripture says blessed are those whose sins are forgiven and whose sins are covered. If you turn from sin and turn to Christ in confession and repentance, trusting in His death and resurrection for you, God will forgive you fully and cleanse you. He does not forgive because we deserve it, but because Christ has paid for sin.
You also shared how long you have prayed for marriage and how hard the waiting has been, and how temptation has felt overwhelming. God is faithful and He has promised that no temptation has taken you except what is common to humanity, and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape so that you can endure it. That way of escape often means fleeing the situation, cutting off private contact with this married man, not being alone with him, bringing other mature Christians into your life for accountability, and crying out to God immediately when desire rises. God at times allows temptation to remain for a season not to destroy you, but to teach you to keep running to Him and to remain close to Him in prayer. Even when answers seem delayed, He calls you to persevere in prayer, trusting that He hears and will act for your good in His time.
Your pregnancy does not define your worth, and the child growing within you is made in the image of God and is precious to Him. Pregnancy outside of marriage can bring great difficulty, weariness and fear about the future, and you will need practical support, medical care, and a safe community around you. You do not have to walk through this alone. Please seek out a faithful pastor and mature Christian women in your church whom you can trust, confess to them what has happened, and let them walk with you, help you set boundaries, and help you care for yourself and your child.
Turning from sin now will mean ending any sexual or romantic involvement with this married man. He is not free to marry you, and to pursue marriage with him would be to ask God to bless what He calls adultery. Instead, ask God to help you live in purity from this day forward, to renew your mind, to heal the hurt of being deceived and ghosted, and to give you strength for the days ahead.
I will pray for you, not that God would bless a relationship that is outside His design, but that He would have mercy on you.
Father, have mercy on this daughter who confesses her sin and her pain. Forgive her through the blood of Jesus Christ alone. Cleanse her, lift her shame, and give her a new heart to love purity. Protect her and the child within her, provide for their needs, surround her with godly counsel and practical help, and teach her to flee temptation and to find her refuge in You. Give her patience to persevere in prayer and hope, and lead her in Your way according to Your word. Amen.
If you have not already, please reach out soon to a pastor or church leader in person for ongoing care, counseling and support through this pregnancy. You are not abandoned, and God is able to restore and guide you as you walk honestly with Him.
God sees what has happened, including the deception. When a man who is already bound to his wife by covenant pursues another woman, that is adultery before God. It is not only adultery when a married woman is involved, but also when a married man defiles himself with a woman who is free, because he has broken the vow he made to his wife and sinned against his own flesh. The responsibility for that deceit lies with him, and it was wrong for him to propose to you while hiding his marriage and then to abandon you.
At the same time, God calls all sexual intimacy to belong only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Sex outside of that covenant, giving in to lust in the heart and in the body, and continuing in any ongoing sexual relationship with a married man are sin against God. That includes the struggle you have described since your teenage years with strong sexual desire and with masturbation, and the loss of virginity and this present pregnancy outside of marriage. These things are not small before God, because Jesus taught that even to look with lust is already to commit adultery in the heart. Naming this honestly is not to shame you, but to make clear where repentance is needed so that forgiveness can be received.
There is good news. Forgiveness does not come by our own efforts or by trying harder, but by grace through Jesus Christ alone. Scripture says blessed are those whose sins are forgiven and whose sins are covered. If you turn from sin and turn to Christ in confession and repentance, trusting in His death and resurrection for you, God will forgive you fully and cleanse you. He does not forgive because we deserve it, but because Christ has paid for sin.
You also shared how long you have prayed for marriage and how hard the waiting has been, and how temptation has felt overwhelming. God is faithful and He has promised that no temptation has taken you except what is common to humanity, and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape so that you can endure it. That way of escape often means fleeing the situation, cutting off private contact with this married man, not being alone with him, bringing other mature Christians into your life for accountability, and crying out to God immediately when desire rises. God at times allows temptation to remain for a season not to destroy you, but to teach you to keep running to Him and to remain close to Him in prayer. Even when answers seem delayed, He calls you to persevere in prayer, trusting that He hears and will act for your good in His time.
Your pregnancy does not define your worth, and the child growing within you is made in the image of God and is precious to Him. Pregnancy outside of marriage can bring great difficulty, weariness and fear about the future, and you will need practical support, medical care, and a safe community around you. You do not have to walk through this alone. Please seek out a faithful pastor and mature Christian women in your church whom you can trust, confess to them what has happened, and let them walk with you, help you set boundaries, and help you care for yourself and your child.
Turning from sin now will mean ending any sexual or romantic involvement with this married man. He is not free to marry you, and to pursue marriage with him would be to ask God to bless what He calls adultery. Instead, ask God to help you live in purity from this day forward, to renew your mind, to heal the hurt of being deceived and ghosted, and to give you strength for the days ahead.
I will pray for you, not that God would bless a relationship that is outside His design, but that He would have mercy on you.
Father, have mercy on this daughter who confesses her sin and her pain. Forgive her through the blood of Jesus Christ alone. Cleanse her, lift her shame, and give her a new heart to love purity. Protect her and the child within her, provide for their needs, surround her with godly counsel and practical help, and teach her to flee temptation and to find her refuge in You. Give her patience to persevere in prayer and hope, and lead her in Your way according to Your word. Amen.
If you have not already, please reach out soon to a pastor or church leader in person for ongoing care, counseling and support through this pregnancy. You are not abandoned, and God is able to restore and guide you as you walk honestly with Him.
