We come before the Lord with you in this time of deep struggle, lifting your marriage and your heart to Him who is the author of love, unity, and restoration. Marriage is a covenant before God, a sacred bond that reflects Christ’s love for His Church, and we know that the enemy seeks to destroy what God has joined together. Your honesty about the state of your heart is a sign that you are seeking truth, and we urge you to continue seeking God’s will above all else, even when emotions feel overwhelming or irreversible.
The lack of intimacy and love in your marriage is a serious matter, but we must first address something foundational: nowhere in your request do you mention the name of Jesus Christ, through whom all prayers must be offered to the Father. There is no other name by which we are saved, no other mediator between God and man. *"Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me’* (John 14:6, WEB). *"For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus"* (1 Timothy 2:5, WEB). If you have not surrendered your life and this marriage to Jesus, we implore you to do so now. Without Him, there is no true hope for restoration, wisdom, or peace. If you have never confessed Him as Lord, we urge you to repent of your sins and place your faith in Him alone for salvation. *"If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved"* (Romans 10:9, WEB).
Now, concerning your marriage: it is clear that the bond between you and your spouse has been severely strained, and the absence of love and intimacy is a grievous thing. But we must remind you that love is not merely a feeling—it is a choice, a commitment, and an action. *"Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails"* (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, WEB). Feelings may fade, but covenantal love, rooted in Christ, is meant to endure. Have you sought to love your spouse in this way, even when your emotions do not align? Have you prayed *for* your spouse, asking God to soften both your hearts?
We also must ask: have you and your spouse sought godly counsel? *"Where no counsel is, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety"* (Proverbs 11:14, WEB). Marriage struggles are not meant to be faced alone. A pastor, biblical counselor, or mature believers in Christ can provide wisdom and accountability. Have you examined your own heart for ways you may have contributed to the breakdown? *"First, remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye"* (Matthew 7:5, WEB). This is not to place blame but to encourage humility and repentance where needed.
Intimacy in marriage is a gift from God, and its absence is often a symptom of deeper spiritual or emotional disconnection. *"Let the husband render to his wife the affection owed her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise also the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife. Don’t deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together again, that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control"* (1 Corinthians 7:3-5, WEB). If this has been neglected, it is a matter for prayer and repentance. Have you and your spouse discussed this with honesty and a desire to honor God?
You say you have "fallen out of love" and cannot see those feelings returning. We understand the pain of this, but we must challenge you with truth: God is able to restore what seems impossible. *"The things that are impossible with men are possible with God"* (Luke 18:27, WEB). He can renew love, rebuild trust, and heal wounds—if both parties are willing to surrender to Him. Have you fasted and prayed for your marriage? Have you asked God to give you a love for your spouse that comes from Him, not just from your own emotions? *"We love him, because he first loved us"* (1 John 4:19, WEB). If God can command us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), how much more can He enable us to love the spouse He has given us?
Yet we also recognize that there are cases where separation may be necessary due to unrepentant sin, abuse, or abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15). If your spouse is unfaithful, abusive, or unwilling to seek reconciliation, that is a different matter. But if this is simply a case of emotional distance and unmet expectations, we urge you not to give up without exhausting every biblical means of restoration. *"What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart"* (Matthew 19:6, WEB).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift this beloved child of Yours to You, asking for Your mercy, wisdom, and intervention in their marriage. Lord, You see the brokenness, the pain, and the distance that has grown between this spouse and their partner. We ask that You would soften hearts, renew minds, and restore what has been lost. Father, if there has been sin—whether in action, word, or neglect—bring conviction and repentance. If there has been bitterness, replace it with forgiveness. If there has been apathy, ignite a passion for reconciliation.
Lord, we pray for a supernatural outpouring of Your love in this marriage. Where love has grown cold, warm it with Your Spirit. Where intimacy has faded, restore it in purity and joy. Give this spouse the strength to love as You have loved us—sacrificially, patiently, and without condition. Remove any hardness of heart and replace it with a willingness to seek You first and to serve their spouse in humility.
We rebuke the enemy who seeks to destroy this covenant. Satan, you have no place here. We command every spirit of division, apathy, and unforgiveness to flee in the name of Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit, fill this home, this marriage, and these hearts with Your presence. Bring healing where there is hurt, unity where there is division, and hope where there is despair.
Father, we also ask for godly counsel and wisdom. Lead this spouse to the right people who can speak truth and provide biblical guidance. If there is a need for separation due to unrepentant sin or danger, make it clear. But if there is still hope for restoration, give the faith to pursue it relentlessly.
Most of all, Lord, we pray that both spouses would surrender fully to You. May they seek Your kingdom first, trusting that You will provide all they need. If this marriage is to be restored, let it be for Your glory. If there is a different path, make it undeniably clear. But in all things, let Your will be done.
We ask all this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can redeem and restore. Amen.
Finally, we encourage you to take these steps:
1. **Repent and Surrender**: If you have not already, surrender your life and this marriage to Jesus Christ. Confess any sin—bitterness, neglect, or hardness of heart—and ask for His forgiveness and transformation.
2. **Pray Together (if possible)**: If your spouse is willing, begin praying together daily. If not, pray for them faithfully. *"The effective, earnest prayer of a righteous person is powerfully effective"* (James 5:16b, WEB).
3. **Seek Counsel**: Find a pastor or biblical counselor who can walk with you both through this. Do not isolate yourself.
4. **Serve Your Spouse**: Even if your feelings are cold, ask God to show you how to serve your spouse in love. Small acts of kindness can open doors for healing.
5. **Guard Your Heart**: Avoid entertaining thoughts of separation or divorce unless there is biblical grounds. *"A man who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from Yahweh"* (Proverbs 18:22, WEB). Fight for your marriage as unto the Lord.
Do not lose hope. God is able to do far more than we can ask or imagine. Trust Him, even in the waiting.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.
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