God, Thank you for this night. Yahweh, I pray for wisdom, truth, love, light, sleep, and peace. God, My husband is so drunk and so sick, he needs help, he just got his gun out and said he was going to kill himself, and he took off outside, and the killing he talks about, it happened to his oldest daughter from his first marriage, and he has been feeling bad and sad and saying he is going to kill himself since I met him, and he puts words in my mouth and tells our children bad things, if I have something to say then I will say it, and the words he tells my children, I pray they know I didn't say it, I pray my children knows I love them. Yahweh, I didn't ask for these thing's in my life with ###, he asked for them and I'm tired, I pray you come and get me, this isn't a relationship or marriage, he feels down all the time and he blames me because his moma and his ex wife has beat him, and has cheated on him, and he thinks I should feel the same way as him, which is wrong, no, I don't feel like that, no, I refuse to be like him, I refuse to be filled with hatred, I refuse to be like his moma and I refuse to be like his ex wife and their ways, instead, I am kind, and loving, beautiful, and wise because I have a God and a Saviour who cares for me, loves me, walks with me through the storms. Yahweh, He blames me for his children, he blames me for everything, he's such a coward. Yahweh, I am tired of being called a liar, maybe I should lie, he would probably believe me. Yahweh, He tells me, I don't love him or his first set of children, I use to give them my children's WIC, they stole out of my cabinets, they didn't want me in church, they didn't want me or my children at their home, and I have forgiven them, hey, we are better off without y'all and I did my part by giving and they say how bad of a person I am, no baby, I am kind, loving, walk upright, at peace, and I can't help they aren't who they said they were. Yahweh, I am tired of ### and his blaming me others. Yahweh, Me and my brother grew up with our best friends, ### and ###, their daddy shot himself in the head for being so sad and depressed, and then ###, killed himself for being depressed, and ### thinks I'm a fake, and my friends and he thinks it's a joke about killing himself, he doesn't have problems, I don't have problems, I pray for ### and her family and her friends. Yahweh, I pray I am a wise woman, and I can outsmart him and protect me and my children from him, and stay safe in the process. Yahweh, I don't owe nothing to ### but what he puts in. Yahweh, He says I tell him he ain't no good, those are his words out of his mouth, not mine, but, the truth is I'm not sure what he is, because I ignore him. Yahweh, That is what he gets by putting words in my mouth, let him feel sorry for himself, and let him keep putting himself down, I haven't said anything to him. Yahweh, I don't deserve the way he treats me, I object to ###, and all of his ways, I look up to Jesus for my guidance, not man. Yahweh, I am tired, ### tells our children he is leaving me, and I'm o.k. with that, he tells my children I don't love them and I do love my children, he tells me, everything is my fault, and it ain't, he walks in his own shoes, and it is him who makes his choices, he tells me he has Jesus, and I don't, he's not me, I do have Jesus in my life, he doesn't know. Yahweh, I don't deserve this the way he treats me, he is a selfish man, who needs help, and I am not meant for him, but, I do pray he will find the woman who is meant for him because I am tired of being put through his selfish acts.
