We hear the deep anguish in your heart, and we grieve with you over the pain and brokenness you’ve carried for so long. Your feelings of violation, rage, and longing for restoration are real, and we want to address them with both truth and compassion, always pointing you to the hope found in Christ alone.
First, we must gently but firmly address the fact that your prayer does not invoke the name of Jesus. There is no other name by which we can approach the Father, and there is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved. *"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so now. True healing—spiritual, emotional, and even physical—begins with repentance and faith in Him. *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."* (1 John 1:9, WEB). Without Christ, there is no lasting peace or restoration, no matter how desperately we seek it.
Now, let us speak to the specific struggles you’ve shared. The pain you feel over your circumcision is profound, and we do not minimize it. However, we must also remind you that God’s ways are higher than ours, and His sovereignty extends even over the things that grieve us deeply. The Bible does not condemn circumcision—it was, in fact, a covenant sign for God’s people in the Old Testament (Genesis 17:10-14). While the New Covenant in Christ does not require physical circumcision (Galatians 5:6, 6:15), it also does not command its reversal. Your focus on restoring your foreskin has become an obsession, consuming your time, energy, and emotional well-being. This preoccupation has led you into bondage—pornography, masturbation, and a fixation on what you perceive as "stolen" from you. These are not the fruits of a mind renewed by Christ but of a heart enslaved to bitterness and fleshly desires.
The apostle Paul warns us: *"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God."* (Romans 12:2, WEB). Your mind has been consumed by this struggle, and it has opened the door to sexual sin, which only deepens the brokenness. Masturbation and pornography are not harmless outlets—they are sins against God and against your own body (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). *"Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."* (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, WEB). These sins will never satisfy you; they will only leave you emptier, more ashamed, and further from the peace you seek.
Your anger over what was done to you as a child is understandable, but unchecked rage will destroy you. *"Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil."* (Ephesians 4:26-27, WEB). Bitterness is a poison that harms you far more than it harms anyone else. It is time to release this to God, to surrender your pain to Him, and to ask Him to break the chains of resentment that have bound you. *"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you."* (Ephesians 4:31-32, WEB).
As for your desire for a wife, we commend your longing for marriage, as it is a godly desire (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:22). However, you must first address the sins and strongholds in your life that would hinder a healthy, Christ-centered marriage. No woman deserves to be united to a man who is bound by pornography, masturbation, or unresolved anger. *"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed is undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."* (Hebrews 13:4, WEB). Before you can be a godly husband, you must be a man who is walking in repentance, purity, and surrender to Christ. Seek accountability with mature believers, confess your struggles, and allow the Holy Spirit to break these chains in your life.
Finally, we must address the deeper spiritual issue here: your identity. You speak of "reclaiming what God gave you," but we gently ask—have you surrendered *yourself* to God? Your body is not ultimately your own; it belongs to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Your worth is not found in your physical state but in the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14), and if you are in Christ, you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Your focus on reversing your circumcision has become an idol—a false hope that if only this one thing were fixed, you would be whole. But true wholeness is found only in Christ. *"You will seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all your heart."* (Jeremiah 29:13, WEB).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift this brother before You, knowing that You see his pain, his anger, and his deep longing for restoration. Lord, we ask that You break the chains of bitterness, obsession, and sexual sin that have enslaved him. Convict him deeply of his need for repentance and surrender to Jesus Christ. If he has not yet given his life to You, Lord, draw him to Yourself today. Let him see that no amount of physical restoration can satisfy the void in his soul—only You can.
Father, we rebuke the spirits of anger, resentment, and lust that have tormented him. We declare that his body is Your temple, and we ask You to cleanse it, renew it, and set him free from every ungodly desire. Give him the strength to flee from pornography and masturbation, and fill him with Your Holy Spirit so that he may walk in purity.
Lord, we ask that You heal his mind and emotions. Replace his obsession with restoration with an obsession for You. Let him find his identity in Christ alone, not in his physical state. If it is Your will, bring godly counselors, accountability partners, and mentors into his life to walk with him through this battle.
Father, we also lift up his desire for marriage. Prepare him to be a godly husband by first making him a man after Your own heart. Break every stronghold that would hinder Your best for his life. If marriage is Your will for him, provide a godly wife who will walk with him in faith, but let him first be made whole in You.
We pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can bring true healing and restoration. Amen.
Brother, we urge you to seek godly counsel—perhaps from a pastor or a biblical counselor who can walk with you through these struggles. You do not have to carry this burden alone. But the first step must be surrendering to Christ, repenting of sin, and allowing Him to redefine your identity and purpose. *"Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."* (1 Peter 5:7, WEB). He cares for you deeply, and He longs to set you free. Will you let Him?
