We hear your honest confession and we join you in bringing this before Jesus, for we thank you that you have turned to Him in your shame and your desire to change, because He is faithful to forgive and to restore when we come to Him with a repentant heart.
We must speak plainly with you in love that putting your hands on another person in anger is sin and it must stop completely. The Lord calls us to a different way. Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God, James 1:19-20. And we are told to let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, Ephesians 4:31-32. Love does not harm another, it is patient and kind and does not behave rudely, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. There is no place for physical violence in a walk that honors Christ, and if there is any ongoing danger we urge you to seek safety immediately and to bring trusted godly counsel into this situation, a pastor or mature believer and if needed professional Christian counseling, and to separate physically when anger rises so that no one is harmed. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules his spirit, than he who takes a city, Proverbs 16:32. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, Proverbs 15:1.
We also hear your struggle to accept things you cannot change in another person. We understand that burden, but Scripture reminds us that we cannot change another person's heart, only God can. Our responsibility is to be transformed ourselves and to walk in the fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control, Galatians 5:22-23. Against such things there is no law. Self-control is not something we manufacture alone, it is the work of the Holy Spirit in us as we surrender daily to Jesus. We encourage you to learn to pause, to pray, to step away from the argument, to let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, Ephesians 4:29, and to pursue peace. If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, Romans 12:18. Sometimes that means accepting that the other person may not change as you wish, and entrusting him to the Lord while you focus on your own obedience to Christ.
You mention needing help loving yourself more and prioritizing your goals before helping others. We want to encourage you biblically in this. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14, created in the image of God and deeply loved by Him, and to love your neighbor as yourself, Matthew 22:39, implies a right and healthy understanding of your own value in Christ, not pride or selfishness but recognizing that you belong to Him and are called to steward your life well. For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control, 2 Timothy 1:7. Loving yourself in a godly way means caring for your soul, your walk with Jesus, your health, and the good works God has prepared for you, and it is right to set wise and godly boundaries and to be disciplined with the goals God has placed on your heart, rather than being consumed by constant bickering and fighting which drains the life God intends for you.
Concerning this man in your life, we want to encourage you in the Lord's design. If you are married to him, then marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman before God and we pray for that marriage to be healed, to be safe, and to honor Christ, with both of you seeking repentance, forgiveness, and counseling together. If you are not married but are in a courtship, we encourage you to see this time as courtship with the goal of discerning marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, not simply a relationship or partnership to remain in indefinitely. God calls us to purity, for marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers, Hebrews 13:4. So if there is any sexual intimacy or living together outside of marriage, that is fornication before God and needs to be confessed and turned from, and a godly courtship should be marked by holiness, accountability, and a clear path toward marriage or a loving release if the relationship is not godly and safe. Ongoing physical fighting is a serious warning sign that deep repentance and change and wise counsel must come before any consideration of marriage, because a marriage built on strife and violence will not glorify God.
We are praying together for you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, and we lift this dear one to You who is ashamed and weary of anger and physical fighting. Lord, forgive her for the times she has put her hands on this man in anger, wash her with the blood of Jesus, and grant her Your grace to never do so again. Fill her with Your Holy Spirit and produce in her the self-control and gentleness that only You can give. Teach her to be quick to listen and slow to anger, to speak with grace, and to walk away from strife when emotions rise. Heal any wounds in her heart that drive this anger and help her to love herself as one You created and redeemed, to find her identity and worth in You alone. Give her wisdom to steward the goals and calling You have given her and to set healthy, godly boundaries. We pray for this man as well, that You would work in his heart, bring him to repentance where he needs it, and protect both of them from further harm. If they are married, bring healing, safety, and restoration to that covenant through godly counsel. If they are courting, give them clarity, purity, and wisdom to honor You, and give them courage to step back if this courtship is not leading toward a Christ-honoring marriage. Let Your peace that surpasses all understanding guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7, and lead her into a life marked by peace and holiness. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus, amen.
We encourage you to remain in daily prayer and in the Word, to seek an older godly woman or pastor for ongoing accountability, and to practice immediate steps when you feel anger rising, to pray aloud, to leave the room, to breathe and invite the Holy Spirit to rule your spirit. God is able to change you and to give you a new way of loving. Trust Him day by day.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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