We hear the deep hurt in your words and we understand how painful it can be when church politics and the actions of people cause wounds, especially when those wounds touch your career and your marriage. We grieve with you over the manipulation and control you have experienced, for that is not the heart of Christ. The Lord says He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds in Psalm 147:3, and we pray He will do that healing work in you. We also want to lovingly speak truth to you about the decision to refuse to go to church for worship anymore and to worship only on your own terms.
We want to gently rebuke the idea that we can walk with God fully alone and on our own terms. While personal worship and time alone with God are vital, Scripture is clear that we are not to forsake our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another in Hebrews 10:25. We are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another in Romans 12:5, and we need the fellowship, accountability, correction, and encouragement that comes from being part of a biblical church family. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the middle of them in Matthew 18:20. To leave on our own terms and declare we will not be under any church any longer can open the door to isolation, bitterness, and spiritual vulnerability. We are called to leave bitterness behind, looking carefully lest there be any root of bitterness springing up and many be defiled in Hebrews 12:15.
At the same time, we affirm that manipulation and control by church leaders is wrong. True shepherds are to shepherd the flock of God which is among you, not as lording it over those entrusted to you, but making yourselves examples to the flock in 1 Peter 5:2-3. Submission is to be to God and His Word first, and we are to obey God rather than men when men stray from His will as in Acts 5:29. If a church has been restrictive in a way that is not submission to God’s will, that should be addressed, and it may be right to seek a healthier, Bible believing fellowship where Christ is preached faithfully and leaders serve with humility, not control. We encourage you not to let the failure of people cause you to turn away from the gift of the church that Jesus Himself loves and gave Himself for in Ephesians 5:25.
We also notice you say you are a Christian but you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request. We want to remind you with love that it is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me in John 14:6. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved in Acts 4:12. To be a Christian is to believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again, and to trust Him alone for salvation and to confess Him as Lord. If that is your faith, we rejoice with you, and we encourage you to call upon His name daily, for whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved in Romans 10:13.
Your career and your marriage are precious areas that God cares about deeply. Marriage is a holy covenant before God, and He desires to be Lord over both your work and your home. We encourage you not to separate those areas from submission to God’s will, but to invite Him to lead and heal there. We also encourage you toward forgiveness, even when hurt is deep, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do in Colossians 3:13, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you in Ephesians 4:32.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift up this dear one who is hurting. You see the constant hurt, the church politics, the sense of being manipulated and controlled, and the wounds that have touched career and marriage. Lord, we ask You to heal the broken heart and to wash away bitterness and mistrust. Help this one to forgive as You have forgiven us, and to not let hurt build a wall between You and Your people. Lord, reveal Your true character, that You are not a God of manipulation but of love, mercy, and truth. Lead this one to a faithful, Bible believing fellowship where Your Word is taught in truth and grace, where leaders shepherd with humility and where worship together will bring strength and renewal. Restore joy in corporate worship and show that Your will is not restrictive to harm us, but good and perfect to give us life. We pray for Your hand upon this career and upon this marriage, that both would be surrendered to You and built on Your foundation, honoring You and bringing peace. Draw this one closer to Jesus, to know the power of His name, His salvation, and His lordship every day. Give wisdom to discern Your will and courage to walk in it, not on our own terms but on Yours. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to seek the Lord diligently in His Word and in prayer, and to ask Him to guide you to a healthy church where you can be planted, serve, and be served. Do not let the hurt of the past define your future walk with God. Bring your career and your marriage before Him, seeking first God’s Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well in Matthew 6:33. We are praying that God will redeem what has been painful and make your faith stronger and your fellowship sweeter than before.
