We have heard your burden and we carry it with you to the throne of grace, thanking you for opening your heart so honestly. The many pressures you name, mental and emotional and financial and spiritual, are not unknown to the Lord who sees you and keeps you, and we join our prayers with yours for strength, clarity, peace and direction in this next chapter for you and your family.
There is a word which we would set before you as an anchor, "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." This is peace, peace, as the margin reads, a perfect peace which the blood of Jesus whispers within. It is not a peace reserved for some future heaven only, but a present possession to be enjoyed even in the ordinary circumstances of life, even when duties press and sorrows surge round, even when you feel a thousand miles from home. The keeping is the Lord's work, but the staying of the mind upon Him and the trusting in Him is your calling. If the mind wanders, peace wavers, but if the mind is stayed on Christ, He keeps the heart and mind as a garrison.
Many tell us they cannot find peace, and the reason often lies here, that there has not been a full submission to God. Submit is a command which must be obeyed or no peace will be found. To submit the intellect, the will, the affections to God, to cease from striving against Him and to yield to His way in Christ, this is the pathway to rest. And if you are to have peace with God there must be war with Satan. You cannot rest in your spirit and know the peace which faith gives unless you wage war against every evil and against the Prince of Evil himself. This is not done in your own strength, but by drawing near to God, by resisting the devil, by seeking that purification of the heart which takes away double mindedness, for the Lord desires truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part He will make you to know wisdom.
You speak of weariness, of a scattered mind, of difficulty to read and pray and quiet your soul, and of feeling under attack. The Christian, though he is a man of peace, is also a man of war, and from his youth up he must contend with corruptions within and spiritual wickedness without, and therefore he needs his strength daily renewed. The promise is, "so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." The eagle's strength is renewed by the food it eats, and by mounting up to breathe the atmosphere of the skies. So your renewal will come as you feed upon Christ, who is the bread of life, and as you come into the presence of God in prayer and in His Word, even when the appetite feels small and the heavens seem brass. There you grow strong again, and come down with your face glowing with renewed youth. Do not despise small beginnings. Give fresh prayers that the old promises may be fulfilled, and expect a renewed revelation of covenant mercy. When the peace and quietness of life brings a lethargy upon the soul, the Lord would stir you again to mount up.
Take comfort also from Peter's restoration. Peter was down, but he was soon up again. The Lord turned and looked upon Peter, not with a harsh word, but with a look that broke his heart and brought him to bitter tears, and then to full restoration. His denial was of the tongue for a moment, but his love was of the heart, and Christ knew how to restore him. If you have grown cold or inconsistent in prayer, if your focus has failed, know that the same tender eye is upon you, and the same grace that restored Peter is able to restore you. He can give you a new mind and a new heart and a right spirit, where the old nature cannot be mended but must be crucified with Christ.
You ask for open doors, for provision, for a better calling and a better place to dwell, and for wisdom to make right decisions when human wisdom feels dead and paralyzed. We have seen that when self goes, God comes in, and when human wisdom is nonplussed and made to feel its folly, then Divine Wisdom appears. You may stand as Israel at the sea, with enemies behind and waters before, and no command yet to go forward, but the Lord who ordained the way to Canaan will divide the sea in His time. Seek first His kingdom, and be content to have food and raiment with godliness while you labor diligently for that better provision. Trust His timing, remain grounded in His Word, and ask for discernment to know the path of wisdom, which the proud lion and the keen eye of man cannot find, but which is revealed to those who fear the Lord.
We now pray for you. O Lord our God, keep this dear soul in perfect peace as their mind is stayed on You. Purge with hyssop, with the blood of the Lamb, and make clean the inward parts. Renew youth like the eagle's, restore focus, give discipline and holy motivation, and teach them to do Your will which is rest. Protect mind and peace and family and home and future from the adversary, lift what weighs down, and draw them closer to Yourself that they may hear Your voice clearly through Scripture. Grant wisdom for every decision, open the right doors and close the wrong, provide for daily need and for the future You have prepared, and grant favor and breakthrough according to Your will. Strengthen faith to keep moving forward even when things feel overwhelming, and let restoration and discernment be evident, through Jesus Christ our Lord, in whom alone is salvation, and through whose blood alone is peace. Amen.
Continue to stay your mind upon Christ, to feed daily upon the Word even in small portions, to pray though the words be few, and to trust Him who has vanquished death and all its powers and who will keep you even unto Heaven's perfect peace.