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Beloved brother in Christ
Allow me to address you and by this means, ask your support in prayer, God help me to overcome a strong sodomite desire I gained in my teens. Today I am an old man of 57 years.
Indeed, at 14 or 15 years I began to acquire and develop this passion, which was certainly fueled by pornography, I was also compulsively consuming. At the age of 30 years confused as I was, with a fear of thinking that I was going to lose my identity (because still I made up of "liability" in some of these relationships with transvestites gays and up), I thought of suicide. With this in mind, a brother of a Pentecostal church told me about God, and by holding the last option seemed to me that this, finally I decided to attend his local church and, since then, with some charismatic experience meaningful for me, I started to know God till today.
However, all small but significant experience for me (I hope these are of God), and my expectation reading His holy Word and tried to obey Him as best as I could, I can not explain why I have not managed to overcome this passion that occasionally occurs and suggested to see pornography and masturbate and, finally, to sometimes go back to attend to homosexuals. Following the practice of years and almost no protection (because the passion never allowed me to be sensible and careful) is that I am HIV infected. By the grace of God I have not infected my beloved wife who, knowing of my condition, the only thing she does is support me in prayer. This condition has probably destroyed my home, lost a daughter to me and a wife confused for my condition still unrivaled.
Being that I believe of all my heart that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, I fear have done something by why God does not answer to my prayers or for which no receipt grace primarily to overcome this desire that, as I said above, from time to time, comes to me and beats me, even when it seemed that I had already passed and was strong in the Lord. It's frustrating.
Many times I asked God to remove my life, that I prefer to die than to continue failing in this way but, despite this, I fear for my family, for those who I want to continue living in order to support them (my wife and daughter), the time I want to know His power released as I think I've ever experienced, because even I believe in my heart that He has the power to make free.
Reason for this, dear brother, I am writing to you to help me in prayer, and instructed what to do for this purpose, which is not nice to live this slave of desire and others, only want to be a slave of Jesus Christ.
If my case is just a case of my flesh had become evil, to which I must resist, because I fear not having faith to overcome it, since I know God, never seem to have resisted to the end (James 1:12) but, if my case is a case of hell, I would like to know what to do from now on. Thank you very much.
God be with you, beloved brother in Christ.
Emilio E. Leon Flores
Lima -PERÚ, March 14 2009
Allow me to address you and by this means, ask your support in prayer, God help me to overcome a strong sodomite desire I gained in my teens. Today I am an old man of 57 years.
Indeed, at 14 or 15 years I began to acquire and develop this passion, which was certainly fueled by pornography, I was also compulsively consuming. At the age of 30 years confused as I was, with a fear of thinking that I was going to lose my identity (because still I made up of "liability" in some of these relationships with transvestites gays and up), I thought of suicide. With this in mind, a brother of a Pentecostal church told me about God, and by holding the last option seemed to me that this, finally I decided to attend his local church and, since then, with some charismatic experience meaningful for me, I started to know God till today.
However, all small but significant experience for me (I hope these are of God), and my expectation reading His holy Word and tried to obey Him as best as I could, I can not explain why I have not managed to overcome this passion that occasionally occurs and suggested to see pornography and masturbate and, finally, to sometimes go back to attend to homosexuals. Following the practice of years and almost no protection (because the passion never allowed me to be sensible and careful) is that I am HIV infected. By the grace of God I have not infected my beloved wife who, knowing of my condition, the only thing she does is support me in prayer. This condition has probably destroyed my home, lost a daughter to me and a wife confused for my condition still unrivaled.
Being that I believe of all my heart that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, I fear have done something by why God does not answer to my prayers or for which no receipt grace primarily to overcome this desire that, as I said above, from time to time, comes to me and beats me, even when it seemed that I had already passed and was strong in the Lord. It's frustrating.
Many times I asked God to remove my life, that I prefer to die than to continue failing in this way but, despite this, I fear for my family, for those who I want to continue living in order to support them (my wife and daughter), the time I want to know His power released as I think I've ever experienced, because even I believe in my heart that He has the power to make free.
Reason for this, dear brother, I am writing to you to help me in prayer, and instructed what to do for this purpose, which is not nice to live this slave of desire and others, only want to be a slave of Jesus Christ.
If my case is just a case of my flesh had become evil, to which I must resist, because I fear not having faith to overcome it, since I know God, never seem to have resisted to the end (James 1:12) but, if my case is a case of hell, I would like to know what to do from now on. Thank you very much.
God be with you, beloved brother in Christ.
Emilio E. Leon Flores
Lima -PERÚ, March 14 2009
