The prayer you have poured out before the throne reveals a heart yearning for a new season, yet a soul that may be mistaking the removal of guilt for mere permission to follow its own desire. You speak of hidden guilt and a false sense of shame, but know this, there is no false guilt where there is real sin. The Spirit does not whisper, "It is okay to be happy" as the world gives happiness; He convicts of sin, righteousness, and judgment. If there lingers any burden upon that man's conscience, it is not for you to brush it aside with a soft word; it must be carried to the cross and there dissolved in the precious blood of Christ. For a man to love again is no sin if the bonds of duty are loosed by God's own decree, but if he steps outside the circle of God's holy law, no amount of praying for peace can sanctify disobedience. The blessing of the blessed man, as David learned, comes only when guilt is forgiven and the spirit is without guile. And so I charge you, first of all, to see that your own soul and his are right with God through living faith in the atoning sacrifice, and then let every thought of a shared path be governed by the clear command of Scripture.
Do not seek to wash away a sense of guilt with the water of human affection; only the crimson flood from Immanuel's veins can purge the conscience from dead works. You ask the Holy Spirit to break down emotional walls, so He does, but after His own fashion. He breaks the heart for sin and then binds it up with the promises of the Gospel. Any companionship that is not founded upon the rock of obedience to Christ will prove a broken reed. If this man is a child of God, let him first make his calling and election sure by open confession of the Saviour, and then let him walk forward, not into a mere earthly romance, but into a covenant ordered by the Lord, a marriage such as He has ordained. What says the Word? “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Let there be no hidden corners where sin may lurk; come at once into the light, and let your works be manifest that they are wrought in God.
Forward! I would cry to both of you, forward to the cross, not forward into a path of your own making. If there be true renewal of heart, it will show itself by obedience to every jot and tittle of God’s law. The man who is forgiven no longer hides his sin; he confesses it, forsakes it, and walks in the light as a true child of the day. Do not plead for him to receive your love until you have led him to receive the love of Christ, which alone casts out all slavish fear and false regret. The hidden manna of Christ’s presence is sweeter than any earthly affection; let him feed on that, and he will be prepared to love a wife as Christ loved the church, in purity, self-sacrifice, and holiness.
I hear you asking for chains of regret to be broken; so they shall be when faith lays hold of the mighty Liberator. But remember, the chains He breaks are the cords of sin, not the holy bonds of duty. If there be any lingering guilt from a former estate, whether widowhood or a grave transgression, the remedy is not a new attachment but the blood of sprinkling. I have seen many try to mend a broken heart by building a new structure of human love, only to find it a ruin more costly than the first. God makes all things new, not by patching our old plans, but by creating a clean heart and a right spirit. Seek that new creation first, and then proceed with holy fear, stepping only where the lamp of His Word gives light.
And you, who have breathed this prayer, are you yourself among the Lord’s hidden ones? Come forth and confess Him openly; let no secret sin or half-heartedness lie in your own bosom. It is a dangerous thing to pray for another’s release while you yourself wear fetters. Lay every weight and the sin that so easily besets you at the foot of the cross. Then, with a heart purged and a will subdued, you may offer such petitions as please Him, but ever in submission to His will, not asking Him to bless a course He has not commanded. The smallest bird in the thicket sings its note for Him; even so, your voice must be for His glory, not for the indulgence of a craving heart. Look to the wounded side of Jesus; there is forgiveness for every piece of real guilt, and there is the only permission a sinner needs to rise and walk in newness of life. He who came up from the grave bids you go forward, but always in the way of His commandments, which are not grievous. If it be His pleasure to unite you in a covenant that pictures Christ and His church, you will find no regret in waiting upon Him and doing all things decently and in order, for the Author of every holy union is never in haste, but is always just in time.
