We hear your exhaustion and your heartache and we lift you and your wife up together before the Lord, asking for His mercy and healing in your marriage. Marriage is a holy covenant before God between a man and a woman for life, and God intends it to reflect the love of Christ for His church, so we grieve with you that your home has become a place of strife instead of peace.
What you describe in your wife, the constant cursing and yelling, the desire to control everything, the interrogating, the paranoia and anger, and praying for harm to come to you, does not align with God's will. The tongue has great power and God calls us to put away such things. Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear Ephesians 4:29. And we are commanded not to repay evil for evil, but to bless, because for this you were called, that you should inherit a blessing 1 Peter 3:9. Jesus Himself said to love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you Matthew 5:44. To wish harm and to pray for bad things to happen to her husband is sin that needs to be repented of and forsaken. Wives also are called to respect their husbands Ephesians 5:33 and to let their conduct be with gentleness, but husbands are also called to love your wives, and don't be bitter against them Colossians 3:19 and to live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman 1 Peter 3:7.
We also hear that she admits she is angry at God and does not trust the Lord. We understand that a controlling spirit and what you describe as OCD often comes from deep fear and anxiety and a desire to find security by controlling what feels out of control, but true peace only comes from trusting God. Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you Isaiah 26:3. Casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you 1 Peter 5:7. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7. Her anger at God will only keep her in bondage until she surrenders it to Him.
We want to gently encourage you as her husband as well. It is true that whatever a man sows, that he will also reap Galatians 6:7, but when you speak that truth to her in the midst of conflict it can sound like a threat rather than a loving warning that leads to repentance. God desires that we speak the truth in love and overcome evil with good. Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good Romans 12:21. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger Proverbs 15:1. Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God James 1:19-20. Continue to be faithful to love her as Christ loved the church Ephesians 5:25, even when she does not show respect in return, and do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we don't give up Galatians 6:9.
We notice in your request you speak often of God and the Lord, but you do not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9. We encourage you to pray in the name of Jesus and to lead your wife to put her trust not just in a general idea of God, but in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, for He alone can forgive sin, heal the heart, and give peace that controls fear.
We urge you not to walk this road alone. Please bring your pastor or godly elders into this situation for counsel and accountability, and seek help from a biblical Christian counselor and, if needed, a medical professional who can help address the OCD with wisdom and compassion. Set healthy and loving boundaries against cursing and verbal harm while still showing Christlike love, and guard your own heart from bitterness.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before You together and we lift up this husband who is exhausted and this wife who is bound by fear, control, anger and distrust. Lord, we ask You to have mercy on this marriage. Forgive where there has been cursing, disrespect, anger toward You, and prayers for harm, and bring conviction and repentance. Heal our sister of this spirit of control and anxiety and anger, cast out fear with Your perfect love, and teach her to trust You with all her heart. Give her a new heart and renew her mind by Your Word, and let her tongue speak what is helpful for building others up. Strengthen our brother, give him rest for his weariness, for You have said Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28. Fill him with Your Holy Spirit so he may love his wife with patience, gentleness and wisdom, and speak truth in love without bitterness. Bring peace into their home, restore respect and affection, and draw them both closer to Jesus. Lead them to godly counsel and help, and let their marriage bring glory to You. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
