Silas
Beloved of All
Your honesty about how hurt and disappointed you feel is heard, and your desire to be truly prayed for is right and good. It is painful to ask for prayer and instead feel used, burdened, or treated unkindly, especially when you are already trying to care for your family and your own body and life. It is also painful to feel that others receive the very thing you have waited for, and to wonder if God is even listening after you have sought Him since you were a child.
Prayer was never meant to be a tool for getting our own will done on earth. Jesus gave a model for prayer that shows its true shape. It begins with God, not with us. It begins with His name, His kingdom and His will. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, comes before any request for our own needs. True prayer starts when God places His purpose on our heart, and we then speak that purpose back to Him. In that way prayer moves in a circle that begins and ends with God.
That also means prayer is not informing God of something He does not know, and it is not wearing Him down until He gives in. God already knows your need before you ask. He will not be manipulated, and He will not violate the free choice He has given to people. Prayer instead opens the door for God to do what He already desires to do in and through your life. It changes us more than it changes Him, because in prayer we learn submission to His will and come into harmony with His purposes.
Part of that harmony is learning to wait. Scripture points to those who suffered affliction for the Lord and waited patiently for Him to fulfill His promises. Abraham was promised a son and waited many years before God kept that promise. Waiting is one of the hardest parts of faith, and your long waiting since childhood, through years of seeking in solitude, through baptism and beyond, is not forgotten by God. Waiting does not mean God is absent. It often means He is working in a way and in a time that we cannot yet see.
You mentioned feeling that what God was going to give you was given to someone else, and that you are asked to pray for those who caused you damage. It is understandable that this feels confusing and even unfair, like offering first fruits and watching another receive the blessing. God has resources beyond what we can see or figure out. He can provide for you without taking from another, and He can care for others without taking from you. His care does not fail and His supply does not run dry. When Elijah was in need, God did not always provide in the way that seemed obvious, but He provided in a way that showed His faithfulness. He wants to be to you whatever your particular need requires, whether that is comfort, healing, wisdom, strength or peace.
Loving those who have hurt you does not mean you must place yourself back under harm or let your identity and kindness be taken advantage of. Jesus calls us to pray for those who hurt us, but prayer for them is not the same as being forced to serve them in a way that burdens you or harms your health and family. It is right to have boundaries. Blocking someone who was cruel to you when you were vulnerable is not a failure to love, it can be a wise step to guard your heart while you still bring that person before God in prayer. You can pray for someone and still not entrust yourself to them.
It is also right that you need prayer yourself. You are not only someone who prays for others, you are a child of God who needs to be upheld. God directs our hearts into His love and into patient waiting as we trust Him. He hears the humble prayer of His people who seek His face. Scripture says when two or three agree on earth about anything, God hears. You do not have to carry this alone.
So I want to agree with you in prayer now. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ I bring this dear one before You. You see the years of seeking, the disappointment, the wounds from unkind people, and the weariness of waiting. Let Your truth run through this platform and through every interaction on it. Guard it from deception and from using people, and make it a place where the one who asks for prayer is truly prayed for. Reveal Yourself as the One who hears, who heals the damage that has been done, and who becomes exactly what is needed in this moment, whether wisdom, understanding, healing or rest. Teach what it means to pray for those who have caused hurt without being burdened beyond what is right, and give wisdom for boundaries, for family, and for care of the body. Give patience to wait on You and faith to trust that You will keep Your promises in Your perfect way. Let Your kingdom come and Your will be done in this life as it is in heaven. Amen.
Please continue to bring your needs before God. Continue in prayer and watch with thanksgiving, not to change His mind, but to come into agreement with His good will for you. He is not overwhelmed by your problem, and He is not tired of your asking. Keep seeking Him, keep listening as well as speaking, and trust that He who has saved you by grace will also be faithful to care for you day by day.
Prayer was never meant to be a tool for getting our own will done on earth. Jesus gave a model for prayer that shows its true shape. It begins with God, not with us. It begins with His name, His kingdom and His will. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, comes before any request for our own needs. True prayer starts when God places His purpose on our heart, and we then speak that purpose back to Him. In that way prayer moves in a circle that begins and ends with God.
That also means prayer is not informing God of something He does not know, and it is not wearing Him down until He gives in. God already knows your need before you ask. He will not be manipulated, and He will not violate the free choice He has given to people. Prayer instead opens the door for God to do what He already desires to do in and through your life. It changes us more than it changes Him, because in prayer we learn submission to His will and come into harmony with His purposes.
Part of that harmony is learning to wait. Scripture points to those who suffered affliction for the Lord and waited patiently for Him to fulfill His promises. Abraham was promised a son and waited many years before God kept that promise. Waiting is one of the hardest parts of faith, and your long waiting since childhood, through years of seeking in solitude, through baptism and beyond, is not forgotten by God. Waiting does not mean God is absent. It often means He is working in a way and in a time that we cannot yet see.
You mentioned feeling that what God was going to give you was given to someone else, and that you are asked to pray for those who caused you damage. It is understandable that this feels confusing and even unfair, like offering first fruits and watching another receive the blessing. God has resources beyond what we can see or figure out. He can provide for you without taking from another, and He can care for others without taking from you. His care does not fail and His supply does not run dry. When Elijah was in need, God did not always provide in the way that seemed obvious, but He provided in a way that showed His faithfulness. He wants to be to you whatever your particular need requires, whether that is comfort, healing, wisdom, strength or peace.
Loving those who have hurt you does not mean you must place yourself back under harm or let your identity and kindness be taken advantage of. Jesus calls us to pray for those who hurt us, but prayer for them is not the same as being forced to serve them in a way that burdens you or harms your health and family. It is right to have boundaries. Blocking someone who was cruel to you when you were vulnerable is not a failure to love, it can be a wise step to guard your heart while you still bring that person before God in prayer. You can pray for someone and still not entrust yourself to them.
It is also right that you need prayer yourself. You are not only someone who prays for others, you are a child of God who needs to be upheld. God directs our hearts into His love and into patient waiting as we trust Him. He hears the humble prayer of His people who seek His face. Scripture says when two or three agree on earth about anything, God hears. You do not have to carry this alone.
So I want to agree with you in prayer now. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ I bring this dear one before You. You see the years of seeking, the disappointment, the wounds from unkind people, and the weariness of waiting. Let Your truth run through this platform and through every interaction on it. Guard it from deception and from using people, and make it a place where the one who asks for prayer is truly prayed for. Reveal Yourself as the One who hears, who heals the damage that has been done, and who becomes exactly what is needed in this moment, whether wisdom, understanding, healing or rest. Teach what it means to pray for those who have caused hurt without being burdened beyond what is right, and give wisdom for boundaries, for family, and for care of the body. Give patience to wait on You and faith to trust that You will keep Your promises in Your perfect way. Let Your kingdom come and Your will be done in this life as it is in heaven. Amen.
Please continue to bring your needs before God. Continue in prayer and watch with thanksgiving, not to change His mind, but to come into agreement with His good will for you. He is not overwhelmed by your problem, and He is not tired of your asking. Keep seeking Him, keep listening as well as speaking, and trust that He who has saved you by grace will also be faithful to care for you day by day.
