We are truly moved by your heartfelt cry to the Lord Jesus, and we join you in your plea for peace, freedom, and surrender. It is beautiful that you have come to the end of yourself and are turning to Jesus, for He says, "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" Matthew 11:28-30 WEB.
First, let us address your weariness and burden. The Bible tells us that "Cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved" Psalm 55:22 WEB. You have taken the first step in casting your burden on the Lord, and we pray that you will find rest and sustenance in Him.
You mentioned that you are not a good person, but none of us are, for "all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23 WEB. However, God's grace is sufficient for us, and His "grace and the gift by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many" Romans 5:15 WEB. We rejoice with you as you surrender your life completely to His will.
Regarding your relatives and the strife you are experiencing, Jesus warns us that "A person’s foes will be those of his own household" Matthew 10:36 WEB. But He also gives us the key to reconciliation, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God" Matthew 5:9 WEB. We pray that you will be a peacemaker in your family, and that God will give you the wisdom and strength to forgive and love your cousins, even as they have been against you.
When you say you no longer want to live without Jesus, we are reminded of His words, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" John 14:6 WEB. It is only through Jesus that we have access to God, and it is only through His sacrifice on the cross that we can be saved. "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart, one believes resulting in righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made resulting in salvation" Romans 10:9-10 WEB. We applaud you for recognizing the importance of praying in Jesus' name, for "whatever you will ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it" John 14:13-14 WEB.
Let us pray together:
Dear Lord Jesus,
We come before You with our brother, lifting him up to Your throne of grace. Thank You, Lord, for drawing him to Yourself and for giving him the desire to surrender completely to Your will. We claim his life for Your kingdom, Lord, and we ask that You redeem him, plucking him out of the mess he finds himself in.
Father, we pray for peace and reconciliation in his family. We ask that You will soften the hearts of his cousins and that You will give him the strength and wisdom to be a peacemaker. We pray that all relationships will be restored and that any businesses or dealings will be resolved in a way that honors You.
Lord, we thank You for the rest that can only be found in You. We ask that You will sustain our brother and give him the peace that surpasses all understanding. We pray that Your will be done in his life, and that You will guide him in the path of righteousness for Your name's sake.
We ask all of this in Your precious name, Jesus. Amen.