Your honest request has been received with care and with much sympathy before the Lord, and you have done well to bring this burden into the light and to ask for prayer.
It is no small thing to feel as you describe, depressed and anxious, with bad thoughts pressing upon you and a fearfulness about what others think of you. The Scripture says, the heart knows its own bitterness, and each man dwells as it were in his own sphere where no other can fully enter. Others may not see the weight you carry, even when they sit close beside you, but the Lord sees and knows. He is not distant from your sorrow. He that was called the Man of sorrows was made up of sorrows as if they were constituent elements of His being, and He knows the variety of our woes, the sorrows of the soul that struggles and the sorrows of the soul that sits still and endures. You do not suffer unseen.
You write that you have been reading God's word a lot and praying, and for this we thank God. Continue in it. Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. The chief concern of a man should be to see that his soul is right in the sight of God, and to walk in fellowship with Him. There was a man who never died because he walked with God, and if any would be delivered from dread and doubtful thoughts, he must pursue Enoch's path and pray for grace never to get out of fellowship with Christ. You cannot walk closely with Him and remain in bondage to fear.
The Lord says to His people, Fear not. Fear never helped you yet and it never will. Fear is weakening, it makes a man run at his own shadow, and the fear of man brings a snare. Many feet have been tripped by it. To be proud or to be crushed by what others think of us is both a folly and a sin for a child of God. What ought to please us is the real piety that is in the man, the grace of God that is in his soul. Let your faith overcome your fear, and remember that to fear man dishonors God, while to fear God with a holy and childlike awe is blessed.
You are therefore exhorted, Neither be you of a doubtful mind. When you are brought to a pass and know not what to do, the word to Israel at the Red Sea is the word to you now, Fear not, stand still and see the salvation of God. Jesus Himself says, Fear not. It is one of Satan's devices to make us afraid of Christ, but this Man receives sinners. He is great and good and He has chosen to become the Saviour of sinners, and you need not fear to approach Him. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives. Continue to pray and fear not.
In your reading and praying, add these helps which God often uses. Use the telescope very frequently, look often to the world to come and to the finished work of Christ, for the prepared man need have no fear. Bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and when bad thoughts arise, answer them with the word of promise rather than arguing with them in your own strength. Seek fellowship with one or two faithful believers, a pastor or mature Christian, and open your heart to them, for joint stock godliness will not serve, each must come into individual relation with Christ, yet God has given us the communion of saints to bear one another's burdens. Keep also the ordinary means of grace, regular sleep, labor, and honest duties, for the Lord cares for body and soul together. If heaviness remains, do not bear it alone, but seek wise and godly counsel soon, and do not hesitate to seek help from a pastor and, if needed, a trusted medical advisor, while you continue to look to the Lord as your chief physician.
We will pray for you.
O Lord our God, look upon this anxious and downcast soul. Thou knowest the bitterness of this heart as no other can know it. Thou art the Man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief, and Thou art now exalted to deliver. Grant peace to this troubled mind, and let perfect love cast out slavish fear. Help this dear soul to walk with Thee day by day, to keep fellowship with Christ, to stand still and see Thy salvation, and to play the man by faith overcoming fear. Keep the heart with all diligence, guard the thoughts, and let Thy word dwell richly within. Lift up the light of Thy countenance and give quietness, hope, and renewed strength. In Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Continue to seek Him, and let us know how you are kept, that we may continue to bear you up before the throne of grace.