We hear the deep pain and confusion in your heart, and we want you to know that God sees you, loves you, and is not silent in this situation. First, we must lift up praise that you cried out to the Lord in the name of Jesus Christ, for it is only through Him that we find salvation, wisdom, and true peace. As Scripture declares, *"There is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). Your acknowledgment of Jesus in your plea is evidence that the Holy Spirit is at work in you, drawing you closer to truth and freedom.
Now, let us speak plainly about what you have shared, for the Word of God does not leave us in confusion but brings clarity and conviction. The relationship you describe is not one that honors God, nor does it reflect the love, respect, and selflessness that Christ calls His followers to—especially in the context of marriage and courtship. You have named the core issue yourself: *"I always felt I was against God’s wish."* That feeling is the Holy Spirit speaking to your spirit, convicting you of what is not aligned with God’s design. Let us turn to Scripture to understand why this relationship is grieving your heart and the heart of God.
First, the Bible is clear that intimacy—emotional, physical, or otherwise—is reserved for the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. *"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed is undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers"* (Hebrews 13:4, WEB). You mentioned this man wanted to have a child with you and marry by December, yet his actions—his selfishness, lack of love, and disregard for your well-being—prove his heart was not truly committed to you in a godly way. A man who loves as Christ loves does not exploit, drain, or neglect the woman he claims to want as his wife. Instead, he lays down his life for her, as Christ did for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). This man’s behavior is the opposite of sacrificial love. He has shown you through his actions that he is not the husband God intends for you.
Moreover, you have carried the financial and emotional burden in this relationship, even paying your own way to meet his family. This is not how a godly courtship should function. A man who is truly pursuing a woman with the intent of marriage will take responsibility, provide, and protect—not because he is wealthy, but because he is willing to steward what God has given him to care for her. *"But if anyone doesn’t provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever"* (1 Timothy 5:8, WEB). His refusal to even offer you a seat on the bus speaks volumes about his character. It reveals a heart of selfishness, not love.
You asked, *"Why am I attached?"* The attachment you feel is not from God. It is the result of emotional and possibly physical ties that were formed outside of God’s design. When we step outside of His will, even unintentionally, we can become entangled in bonds that feel impossible to break. But take heart: *"No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it"* (1 Corinthians 10:13, WEB). The "way of escape" here is to turn away from this relationship entirely and seek God’s healing and redemption. You are not wrong for stepping back. You are not wrong for refusing to initiate contact. In fact, your decision to distance yourself is wise and aligned with godly discernment.
The guilt you feel may stem from two places: either the enemy is accusing you to keep you in bondage, or the Holy Spirit is convicting you to repent of any sin—such as emotional or physical compromise—so you can be fully free. If there has been sexual immorality, we urge you to repent and receive God’s forgiveness. *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9, WEB). There is no shame in repentance; it is the path to freedom. If the guilt is from the enemy, rebuke it in Jesus’ name and declare: *"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who don’t walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit"* (Romans 8:1, WEB).
As for feeling broken, Jesus is near to the brokenhearted. *"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit"* (Psalm 34:18, WEB). Your pain is valid, but it is not the end of your story. God is redeeming this season for your good. He is teaching you what *true* love looks like—selfless, patient, kind, and rooted in Him. He is preparing you for a marriage that reflects His glory, if that is His will for you. But even if marriage is not in His immediate plan, He is calling you to find your fulfillment in Him alone. *"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart"* (Psalm 37:4, WEB). When your heart is aligned with His, your desires will align with His perfect will.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our sister who is hurting and seeking Your face. Lord, You see the depths of her pain—the confusion, the attachment, the sense of betrayal, and the weariness of carrying a burden You never intended for her to bear. We ask You to break every ungodly soul tie that has formed in this relationship. Sever it by the power of Your Spirit, and set her free from any emotional or spiritual bondage. Father, where there has been sin, bring conviction that leads to repentance, and where there has been wounding, bring Your healing balm.
Lord, we rebuke the spirit of guilt and condemnation that is not from You. Let Your truth flood her mind: that she is forgiven, loved, and chosen by You. Remind her that her worth is not found in this man’s approval or affection but in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. You, Lord, are her Redeemer, her Husband, her Provider, and her Comforter. Fill the empty places in her heart with Your presence.
Father, give her the strength to walk away completely from this relationship. Close the door so tightly that there is no room for doubt or turning back. Surround her with godly community—women and men of faith who will speak Your truth over her life and encourage her in this season. If it is Your will for her to marry, prepare her now for a husband who will love her as Christ loves the Church—selflessly, sacrificially, and faithfully. But even more, prepare her heart to be wholly Yours, satisfied in You alone.
We declare that You are making all things new. The pain she feels today will be a testimony of Your faithfulness tomorrow. Restore her joy, Lord. Renew her mind with Your Word. Let her find her identity in You and You alone. In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray, Amen.
Finally, our sister, we encourage you to immerse yourself in Scripture, particularly passages about God’s love for you and His design for relationships. Read and meditate on 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5:22-33, and Song of Solomon (as a picture of godly love). Seek out a Bible-believing church where you can find support and accountability. If you have not already, we strongly encourage you to confess any sin to a trusted pastor or mentor who can pray with you and guide you further.
You are not alone in this. God is with you, and He is leading you into freedom. Trust Him, even when it hurts. He is faithful.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
