Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your honesty before God is heard, and I thank you for bringing this struggle into the light instead of hiding it. You ask why you should not put off repentance until next year, why you should give your whole life to God when you are impulsive and want what feels good right now, and why the blessings you felt for a time seemed to fade and led you back to falling. These are serious questions, and they deserve a clear answer from Scripture.
God is patient and long suffering, and He bears with us not so that we will keep sinning, but so that we will turn to Him. If He called us to account for every sin each day, none of us would live to see another year, for there is no day pure from sin. His patience grants us space to put off our old sins and repent. But if we use that patience as an excuse to continue in sin, we are not storing up more blessing, we are storing up wrath for ourselves against the day when His righteous judgment will be revealed. That judgment will give to each according to what he has done, and it will not be like the injustice we see now. It will be perfect and true.
This is why procrastination is so dangerous. You ask how long you can live in delay, in sloth, in putting off what you know God requires. The end of that road is not more time, it is death, and ashes and dust. No one is promised next year, or next month, or even tomorrow. Zeal for God does not require a long time or a perfect moment. It requires that you venture yourself now, without delay, without putting it off, with speed to do what God asks today. To say I will repent next year is to presume upon a future you do not control, and to harden your heart in the meantime.
You also describe repenting for a time and then when you did not feel blessed, you returned to lust. Feeling blessed is not the measure of whether God is with you or whether repentance was real. True repentance is not only tears or a temporary turning away while you still intend to return to the sin when it feels hard. Remember Esau, who sought the blessing with tears but found no place of repentance, because his sorrow was not true repentance. His heart still planned to do evil afterward. In the same way, the enemy wants you to see the evil only after the sin is completed, when remorse comes but bears no fruit. Judas felt remorse after his betrayal, he even threw the silver away, but he did not lay hold on true repentance that leads to life. He let the devil lead him out of repentance too soon. Do not let that happen to you. Do not repent only until the feeling fades and then return.
Why give your whole life and not just a season? Because following Christ is entering the narrow way, not a short detour. It is a lifelong covenant of walking with Him, learning to love His commandments, and being made new. The good news is that repentance still has great power for you. There is no second baptism, but there is repentance, and it is able to set free even the one who has fallen into the depth of wickedness, if he will lay hold on it. As Scripture says, does not he that falls rise again, does not he that turns away turn back to God. Christ can be formed in you again. If you are found driving away your sins by real repentance and seeking boldness toward God, He will work with you and establish you in safety.
For one who is impulsive and does not like delayed gratification, know this. Lust promises immediate pleasure but leaves emptiness, shame, and a harder heart that makes the next fall easier. Obedience to God may feel like a delay now, but it is the path to lasting joy, a clean conscience, and life that does not end. You do not need to love God perfectly in your own strength to begin. You need to come to Him as you are, confessing that you do not love Him enough, and ask Him to change your heart and give you love for Him. He will do it.
So do not wait. Turn today. Confess your sin fully to God through Jesus Christ alone, for there is no other way of salvation. Turn from lust completely, not planning to return. Flee what tempts you, cut off provision for it, bring it into the light with a trusted pastor or mature brother who will walk with you, and give yourself daily to prayer and the Word. When you fall, rise again at once and do not remain down.
I pray for you now. Father, in the name of Jesus, have mercy on this brother who confesses his weakness and his lack of love for You. Forgive him through the blood of Your Son, cleanse him, and do not let Your wrath rest on him. Give him understanding to see that Your kindness leads to repentance today, not tomorrow. Grant him a true repentance that hates sin and loves You, and give him strength to commit his whole life to You, not for a season but for all his days. Form Christ in him again, teach him to walk the narrow way, and keep him from the deceit of delay. Let him know the joy of a clean heart that trusts You more than fleeting pleasure. Amen.
God is patient and long suffering, and He bears with us not so that we will keep sinning, but so that we will turn to Him. If He called us to account for every sin each day, none of us would live to see another year, for there is no day pure from sin. His patience grants us space to put off our old sins and repent. But if we use that patience as an excuse to continue in sin, we are not storing up more blessing, we are storing up wrath for ourselves against the day when His righteous judgment will be revealed. That judgment will give to each according to what he has done, and it will not be like the injustice we see now. It will be perfect and true.
This is why procrastination is so dangerous. You ask how long you can live in delay, in sloth, in putting off what you know God requires. The end of that road is not more time, it is death, and ashes and dust. No one is promised next year, or next month, or even tomorrow. Zeal for God does not require a long time or a perfect moment. It requires that you venture yourself now, without delay, without putting it off, with speed to do what God asks today. To say I will repent next year is to presume upon a future you do not control, and to harden your heart in the meantime.
You also describe repenting for a time and then when you did not feel blessed, you returned to lust. Feeling blessed is not the measure of whether God is with you or whether repentance was real. True repentance is not only tears or a temporary turning away while you still intend to return to the sin when it feels hard. Remember Esau, who sought the blessing with tears but found no place of repentance, because his sorrow was not true repentance. His heart still planned to do evil afterward. In the same way, the enemy wants you to see the evil only after the sin is completed, when remorse comes but bears no fruit. Judas felt remorse after his betrayal, he even threw the silver away, but he did not lay hold on true repentance that leads to life. He let the devil lead him out of repentance too soon. Do not let that happen to you. Do not repent only until the feeling fades and then return.
Why give your whole life and not just a season? Because following Christ is entering the narrow way, not a short detour. It is a lifelong covenant of walking with Him, learning to love His commandments, and being made new. The good news is that repentance still has great power for you. There is no second baptism, but there is repentance, and it is able to set free even the one who has fallen into the depth of wickedness, if he will lay hold on it. As Scripture says, does not he that falls rise again, does not he that turns away turn back to God. Christ can be formed in you again. If you are found driving away your sins by real repentance and seeking boldness toward God, He will work with you and establish you in safety.
For one who is impulsive and does not like delayed gratification, know this. Lust promises immediate pleasure but leaves emptiness, shame, and a harder heart that makes the next fall easier. Obedience to God may feel like a delay now, but it is the path to lasting joy, a clean conscience, and life that does not end. You do not need to love God perfectly in your own strength to begin. You need to come to Him as you are, confessing that you do not love Him enough, and ask Him to change your heart and give you love for Him. He will do it.
So do not wait. Turn today. Confess your sin fully to God through Jesus Christ alone, for there is no other way of salvation. Turn from lust completely, not planning to return. Flee what tempts you, cut off provision for it, bring it into the light with a trusted pastor or mature brother who will walk with you, and give yourself daily to prayer and the Word. When you fall, rise again at once and do not remain down.
I pray for you now. Father, in the name of Jesus, have mercy on this brother who confesses his weakness and his lack of love for You. Forgive him through the blood of Your Son, cleanse him, and do not let Your wrath rest on him. Give him understanding to see that Your kindness leads to repentance today, not tomorrow. Grant him a true repentance that hates sin and loves You, and give him strength to commit his whole life to You, not for a season but for all his days. Form Christ in him again, teach him to walk the narrow way, and keep him from the deceit of delay. Let him know the joy of a clean heart that trusts You more than fleeting pleasure. Amen.
