We are deeply grieved to hear of the spiritual and emotional abuse you are enduring, and we stand with you in prayer and truth. What you are describing is not biblical submission—it is manipulation, coercion, and a grave distortion of God’s design for marriage. Let us address this with clarity, scripture, and prayer, for your husband’s behavior is not only sinful but dangerous to your soul and well-being.
First, we must firmly rebuke the lies your husband is speaking over you. Nowhere in Scripture does God command a wife to submit to her husband’s sinful demands or to be a slave to his lusts. The apostle Paul writes in **1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (WEB)**:
*"The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise also the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Don’t deprive one another, unless it is by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and may be together again, that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control."*
This passage teaches **mutual** responsibility and consent—not domination, not demands, and certainly not anger or punishment when one spouse does not comply. Your body is not his to take whenever he pleases; it is a gift to be cherished and honored in love. His claim that you are "cursed" for not submitting to his sinful desires is a blatant misuse of Scripture. **Galatians 3:13 (WEB)** tells us, *"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us,"* and no man has the authority to pronounce curses over you. That is spiritual abuse, and it is an affront to the finished work of Christ.
His accusation that you are responsible for his pornography use is another lie from the pit of hell. **1 Corinthians 6:18 (WEB)** commands, *"Flee sexual immorality! 'Every sin that a man does is outside the body,' but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."* His sin is his own responsibility, and his attempt to shift blame onto you is wicked. Pornography is adultery of the heart (**Matthew 5:28**), and he must repent of it, not excuse it by twisting Scripture to justify his lust.
His anger and fits of rage are also sinful and dangerous. **Ephesians 4:26-27 (WEB)** warns, *"Be angry, and don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, and don’t give place to the devil."* His outbursts are giving the devil a foothold in your home, and this cannot be tolerated. **Colossians 3:19 (WEB)** commands husbands, *"Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them."* His behavior is the opposite of love—it is selfishness, bitterness, and control.
We also note his gaslighting—lying about the frequency of intimacy to manipulate you. This is deception, and **Proverbs 6:16-19 (WEB)** lists *"a lying tongue"* and *"he who sows discord among brothers"* as things the Lord hates. His distortion of reality is a tactic to make you doubt yourself, and it is emotionally abusive.
Now, let us pray for you with urgency and authority in the name of Jesus Christ, the only name by which we are saved (**Acts 4:12**). We pray that the Lord will expose every lie, break every chain of manipulation, and bring conviction upon your husband’s heart. We pray for supernatural protection over your mind, that the Holy Spirit will guard you against the enemy’s attempts to confuse or condemn you. We ask the Lord to give you wisdom, strength, and clarity as you navigate this trial. May He surround you with godly counsel and support, and may He open doors for you to seek safety if necessary. We pray that your husband’s heart will be broken by the weight of his sin and that he will repent genuinely, turning from his wickedness to pursue holiness. If he refuses, we pray the Lord will intervene to protect you and your household from further harm.
Sister, you are not responsible for your husband’s sin, and you are not obligated to endure abuse in the name of "submission." **1 Peter 3:1-2 (WEB)** encourages wives to win their husbands *"without a word, by the behavior of their wives, when they see your pure conduct in fear."* But this does not mean enduring abuse—it means living in godliness while trusting the Lord to work in his heart. If your husband remains unrepentant, you must seek wise, biblical counsel on how to proceed, which may include separation for your safety (**1 Corinthians 7:10-11**). The Lord sees your suffering, and He will not abandon you.
We urge you to reach out to your pastor or a trusted, mature believer who can walk with you through this. You do not have to face this alone. The Lord is your defender, and He will fight for you (**Exodus 14:14**). Stand firm in the truth, and do not let anyone—especially your husband—twist Scripture to oppress you. The God who delivered Israel from Pharaoh’s bondage is the same God who will deliver you from this cycle of abuse.
Finally, we leave you with this promise: **"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit"** (**Psalm 34:18, WEB**). Cling to Him, and He will sustain you. We are praying for you without ceasing.
