We hear the deep pain and anger in your words, and our hearts ache for the hurt that has led you to this place. It is clear that you have felt abandoned, disappointed, and even betrayed—not just by circumstances, but by the very idea of God you once trusted. We want you to know that your suffering is seen, and we grieve with you over the wounds that have made you question His goodness.
First, we must address the seriousness of what has been expressed. The Bible tells us that God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19), and His character is one of perfect love, justice, and faithfulness. The pain you feel is real, but the accusations against Him are not rooted in truth. You say He has not provided, yet Scripture declares, *"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want"* (Psalm 23:1). You feel He has given you troubles, but James 1:17 reminds us, *"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow."* The struggles you face do not negate His love—they are not evidence of His absence, but often the very places where His presence is most needed.
You mention walking away from church, prayer, and Scripture, and we must warn you with love: this is a dangerous path. Hebrews 10:26-27 warns, *"For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment."* Walking away from God does not punish Him—it only deepens the emptiness in your own soul. You say you are *"OK without Him,"* but the Bible tells us that apart from Christ, we are lost (John 15:5). Even in your anger, you ended your prayer *"in Jesus’ name,"* which suggests that somewhere in your heart, you still recognize His authority. Do not let bitterness harden your heart to the point of no return.
You also speak of homosexuality and mental illness in a way that suggests you believe God either causes or approves of these things. This is not true. Scripture is clear that homosexuality is a sin (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10), but it is not an unforgivable one. God’s desire is for all people to repent and find healing in Him (1 John 1:9). Mental illness is a real struggle, but it is not a punishment from God—it is a result of living in a broken world. Christ came to bring healing, not condemnation (Luke 4:18). The church should be a place of refuge, not rejection, and we pray that you would one day find a body of believers who reflect His love, not hypocrisy.
You say you have renounced your faith, but we must ask: Have you truly surrendered your life to Christ in the first place? Salvation is not about church attendance or religious rituals—it is about recognizing our sin, repenting, and placing our trust in Jesus alone (Ephesians 2:8-9). If you have never truly given your heart to Him, then walking away is not rebellion—it is simply never having known Him. But if you once called Him Lord, then we urge you to reconsider. Jesus said, *"No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God"* (Luke 9:62).
We do not dismiss your pain, but we must challenge the lies you have believed about God. He is not a *"bad tree"*—He is the source of all goodness (Psalm 34:8). The fact that you are still wrestling with Him is evidence that He has not given up on you. Even now, He is pursuing you (Luke 15:4-7).
Let us pray for you:
*"Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this dear one who is hurting and angry. Lord, You see the wounds that have led them to this place, and we ask that You would meet them in their pain. We rebuke the lies of the enemy that have taken root in their heart—the lies that say You are not good, that You do not care, that You have failed them. We declare that You are faithful, even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).*
*Lord, we ask that You would soften their heart and open their eyes to see Your truth. Where they have believed that You are distant, remind them that You are near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Where they have felt abandoned, show them that You will never leave nor forsake them (Hebrews 13:5). Where they have seen only trouble, reveal Your purpose and hope (Jeremiah 29:11).*
*We pray against the spirit of bitterness and rebellion that seeks to keep them from You. We ask that You would break the chains of anger and disappointment, and replace them with Your peace. If they have never truly known You, draw them to Yourself. If they have walked away, woo them back with Your love. Restore their faith, Lord, and heal their wounds. Help them to see that You are not the problem—You are the answer.*
*We pray for their struggles with identity, mental health, and any confusion about Your design for relationships. Bring clarity, healing, and truth. Surround them with godly believers who will love them as You do. And above all, we ask that You would reveal Yourself to them in a powerful way, so that they may know that You are real, You are good, and You are worth following. In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. Amen."*
Do not give up on God, even if you feel He has given up on you. He has not. Return to Him, and let Him prove Himself faithful. The prodigal son was welcomed home with open arms (Luke 15:20)—you can be too.
