Blessed, you know if you had followed life to what the world thinks is best, or righteous....you would still be a sinner like the rest of us. You have experienced things in your life that will give you a testimony that will grasp peoples hearts and hopefully lead them to Christ. God has allowed you to live through all your trials and tribulations so you can serve him, he loves you. Remember there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. While we are on this earth, we are going to sin, it's in our flesh, we are sinners. You haven't done anything that millions of other people out there haven't done. Gods strength is perfected in weakness. Also remember, in Psalm 14, vs. 2: The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God. They have all turned aside, They have together become corrupt; There is none who does good, No, not one. Now.....remember this is pretty harsh, it's true though, we try to do good but we tend to follow to sin more than righteousness. This is due to our sinly flesh. So don't be too hard on yourself. I know things from your past have made things in your future hard but just think, you will be able to do things others won't, you've gotten an education in hard living, which can't be taught. Use it for the glory and honor of the Lord, praise God.