We have read your honest and broken request and we carry it before the Lord with you in Jesus' name. We hear your tiredness, your anger, your hatred, and your confession that this hate is killing you, and we thank you for telling the truth about your heart. We also hear that you know your eviction was your fault, that you owe the debt, and that you kept your side of a payment agreement for eight months only to have the collection company place it on your credit last December after telling you many lies verbally on the phone. We are grieved with you over that dishonesty and over the weight of depression, broken friendship and relationship, missing work, and financial failure that led to this place. We also hear your anger toward your mother, toward a man you loved deeply, toward those who could have helped and did not including children of God, toward yourself for not being prepared, and even toward God Himself to the point you say you are no longer a believer by the way you live or speak and some days you just want to die. We want to respond with both truth and mercy.
We must speak plainly about the hatred and unforgiveness in your heart because the Bible warns us that this will destroy us if we hold to it. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you Ephesians 4:31-32. For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6:14-15. We do not say this to condemn you but to warn you because you have already felt it, that bitterness defiles and poisons the soul Hebrews 12:15. Hating the collection company even though they lied to you, hating those who did not help you, hating your mother, hating the man you loved, hating yourself and hating God will not remove the eviction record and it will not repay the debt, it will only keep you in chains. God sees the lies that were told to you. You shall not give false testimony Exodus 20:16 and the Lord hates lying lips. Vengeance belongs to Him, not to you. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God's wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord Romans 12:19. We must release these people to God's justice and choose to forgive as we have been forgiven Colossians 3:13.
We must also address your anger toward God and your statement that you are no longer a believer. We understand the exhaustion of feeling like you cannot catch a break even when you have helped everyone else, but anger at God will not bring peace. God's ways are higher than our ways Isaiah 55:8-9, and He is not your enemy. He is beyond merciful as you yourself said, His loving kindnesses indeed never cease, and His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness Lamentations 3:22-23. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving kindness Psalm 103:8. You said some days you want to die, yet He has kept you, and that is mercy. We are deeply concerned for you in that despair and we urge you not to remain alone in it. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28 is His invitation to you right now. Your weariness is real and God wants to carry it, not to see you destroyed by it.
We noticed you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request, and you said you are no longer living or speaking as a believer. We must tell you with love that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and only through Him that we can be saved and forgiven and have hatred truly removed. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. All have sinned and the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 6:23. If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. This includes hatred, unforgiveness, anger at God, and all the bitterness you have named. God can give you a new heart as He promises, I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you Ezekiel 36:26 and Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me Psalm 51:10. We plead with you to return to Him, to repent and to call upon the name of Jesus again, not as a mere phrase but as your Lord and Savior.
We also want to speak to the practical matters with biblical wisdom. You have done right to acknowledge you owe the debt. The wicked borrow, and do not pay back Psalm 37:21 and Owe no one anything, except to love one another Romans 13:8. Continuing to pay what you owe honors God even when the other party acted dishonestly. At the same time what was done to you was wrong, and we understand your desire for the agreement to be honored and for the eviction record to be removed from your credit. We will pray for that, but we also encourage you to learn from this painful lack of knowledge as you said. My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hosea 4:6. In the future let every agreement be in writing, keep records, and seek wise counsel. The plans of the diligent surely lead to profit Proverbs 21:5. Seek godly financial counsel, perhaps from a pastor or a trusted believer who can help you steward what God provides and walk through the credit restoration process with integrity. And regarding your anger at your mother for teaching your sister and not you, God calls us to honor your father and mother Ephesians 6:2 and to forgive even parents for their failures, trusting that God can teach you now what you did not learn before. He is your Father and He will provide wisdom if you ask James 1:5.
We are praying for you together now.
Father in heaven, we come before You only in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who died and rose again for us. We lift this dear one to You who is tired, angry, hateful, depressed, and broken. Lord, You see the eviction, the debt that is owed, the eight months of faithful payments, the verbal lies that were told, and the record that was placed on the credit report last December. You see the broken friendship and relationship, the spiral of depression and missed work, the lack of preparation, and the feeling of never catching a break. You see the anger toward the collection company, toward those who could have helped, toward mother and sister, toward the man who was loved so deeply, toward self, and toward You. Lord, forgive all sin and cleanse this heart. We ask that You remove hatred and bitterness and give a new heart, a clean heart, a heart that can forgive as You have forgiven us. Help this one to release every person who has caused hurt into Your hands and to trust Your justice. Take away the desire to die and restore the will to live, for You have purpose for this life Jeremiah 29:11. Lift the heavy burden and give rest to the weary. If it is Your will, we ask You to move upon that collection company to honor what was agreed, to correct what was spoken falsely, and to remove what should not be on the credit report, or to make another way for restoration and provision. Provide wisdom for finances, for work, for stewardship, and for future agreements. Bring reconciliation where possible and healing where reconciliation is not possible. Draw this dear one back to Yourself, restore faith, let there be confession with the mouth that Jesus is Lord and belief in the heart that You raised Him from the dead, and let Your mercy which is new every morning flood this soul. We ask that You keep this one from the evil one, surround with godly counsel and true children of God who will help in love, and let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard heart and mind. We pray all these things in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus Christ, our only hope, amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to pray honestly even when you are angry as the psalmists did, to meet with a Bible believing pastor or counselor soon and to share openly about the thoughts of wanting to die so you are not alone. Keep paying what you owe as you are able, document everything in writing from this point forward, and ask God each morning for a tender heart that forgives. He is able to remove the hate that is killing you and to give you life again. Return to Him while He may be found Isaiah 55:6-7, for He is near to you even now.
