We hear your heart and we join with you in this beautiful desire to want to do the right thing and to grow closer to God. That very desire is evidence that God is already at work in you, for it is God who works in you both to will and to work, for his good pleasure Philippians 2:13. We rejoice that you want to read His Word, to spend time with Him, and to pray, because He promises Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you James 4:8.
We also hear the tension in your heart between feeling badly for your sins and not wanting to take His forgiveness for granted. That is a healthy, biblical tension. The Word tells us If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. And we thank God with you that in Christ, He has already made forgiveness available before we even asked, for as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us Psalm 103:12. Your gratitude honors Him. We want to encourage you that godly sorrow leads to repentance, but once we have confessed, we are not to live under condemnation, for There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1. To take His grace for granted would be to continue in sin presuming on His kindness, but to live in guilt after He has forgiven you is to not fully believe His promise. He wants you to come with confidence, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience Hebrews 10:22, and to walk in the freedom of a clean heart. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me Psalm 51:10 is a perfect prayer for this season.
We want to encourage you that growing in your relationship with God is not about praying perfectly or performing flawlessly, but about faithful, consistent communion with Him. His Word is a lamp to your feet, and a light for your path Psalm 119:105, and as you give yourself to reading it daily, even for a short time, He will transform you. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind Romans 12:2. Seek first God’s Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well Matthew 6:33. You will find that as you love Him more, you will learn to love yourself rightly as well, not with pride, but seeing yourself as His creation, fearfully and wonderfully made and redeemed by the blood of Jesus, able to love others because He first loved you.
We pray together for you now.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before Your throne of grace on behalf of our dear brother or sister who is hungry for You. We thank You for the work You have already begun in this heart, for the desire to do what is right and to know You more. Lord, forgive all sins as they have been confessed, cleanse from all unrighteousness, and let them receive Your forgiveness by faith without lingering shame. Pour out Your Holy Spirit to give strength for consistency, a love for Your Word, and a disciplined life of prayer. Teach them to pray not with perfect words but with an honest heart, knowing You hear. Create in them a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within them. Help them to abide in You daily, to study to show themselves approved, and to walk in the joy of being fully loved and fully forgiven. Grow their love for You and help them to see themselves through Your eyes, that they may walk in freedom and wholehearted devotion. We ask this in the precious name of Jesus, our only hope and our access to You, amen.