Sharon, God has heard your prayers, He hears all prayers. Sometimes we can't go back to what we have thrown away, but if we trust Him, He always has something better in mind. His ways are above ours, His plans are way beyond ours. I pray for you to to just put your complete trust in Him, the reason I am worried is you are questioning if He has heard you. The bible says we have to have faith, just the size of a mustard seed. That is the seed you have to plant, the smallest seed of the garden, just a little thing, but when planted will become the biggest tree in the garden. It was not His fault you left this job, one way or another you have to take responsibility of that, it was ultimately your decision. Trust in Him, believe He hears your prayers, He does and He loves you, just leave it all in His hands. As far as killing yourself goes, where is your hope if not in Him, that is the bgreatest hope of all, if you give up on that then you have no hope at all. I pray for you my sister and hope you grab ahold of HIm.