Athemiasis
Disciple of Prayer
I am blessed that from the start that I seek for prayer here from all of you. God is indeed in the midst of all these storms if you call upon His NAME! I am thankful regardless of the circumstance that I am in right now. For over 6 months, I and my boyfriend where having problems regarding the past. It is the first time he came to know the truth during the 1.5 yrs of our relationship now going 2. We both had sexual pasts. He has some serious attitude towards it that he even threatens me for leaving the first time I shared about it. I reacted in a way that I have lied several times just to hide things because I really fear what happenes next. Of losing him, losing everything including me losing myself for doing my best, all of my efforts for him only to lose him in the end. Of putting it against me. Of having to go over stories of me in shameful and condemning situations.
Recently, I just received Christ as my Lord and savior because of my dark pasts. I believe God has called me finally so I can lead him next. So we will have the Christ centered relationship that we need to strengthen this relationship more. But we cant seem to move on from the past. Last time, he broke up with me because he came to know the real story of my sexual history. But then after days I didn't expect that he will ask for second chance after I surrendered everything to God. But something in me really wanted to confess the remaining stories I didn't tell yet that didn't involve any sexual act but which I think he needed to know because I really feel anxious keeping it when he asks me again and again if I am hiding anything. And his last words were, "the next time I find out anything, I will leave you". And just that, I am frozen with fear. to think that if I didn't tell him now and someday, someone might tell him about it, it may just create bigger problems in the future. Though, it already occurred in the past, he was greatly affected by it, because he fears I may betray him someday and he will lose me in the end. He has history of having her past girlfriend cheated on him. Just like that, they broke up. So for this last time, I confessed to him, to which I am waiting now for his reply, I ask all of you for your prayers for a heart of surrender to God's will for me, to prepare my heart of his final decisions, of whatever is to come. I am very anxious. Pray for me. I also seek for your prayer that God willing, he will still help us overcome these past issues, help us forgive each other, restore the lost trust, heal the resentment we had from each other and restore the respect to create a strong, loving and long-lasting relationship together. In Jesus name, amen. God is good!!
Recently, I just received Christ as my Lord and savior because of my dark pasts. I believe God has called me finally so I can lead him next. So we will have the Christ centered relationship that we need to strengthen this relationship more. But we cant seem to move on from the past. Last time, he broke up with me because he came to know the real story of my sexual history. But then after days I didn't expect that he will ask for second chance after I surrendered everything to God. But something in me really wanted to confess the remaining stories I didn't tell yet that didn't involve any sexual act but which I think he needed to know because I really feel anxious keeping it when he asks me again and again if I am hiding anything. And his last words were, "the next time I find out anything, I will leave you". And just that, I am frozen with fear. to think that if I didn't tell him now and someday, someone might tell him about it, it may just create bigger problems in the future. Though, it already occurred in the past, he was greatly affected by it, because he fears I may betray him someday and he will lose me in the end. He has history of having her past girlfriend cheated on him. Just like that, they broke up. So for this last time, I confessed to him, to which I am waiting now for his reply, I ask all of you for your prayers for a heart of surrender to God's will for me, to prepare my heart of his final decisions, of whatever is to come. I am very anxious. Pray for me. I also seek for your prayer that God willing, he will still help us overcome these past issues, help us forgive each other, restore the lost trust, heal the resentment we had from each other and restore the respect to create a strong, loving and long-lasting relationship together. In Jesus name, amen. God is good!!
