Please do not be offended by this question , but are you a Christian ? Whether or not you have noticed this , God HAS saw you through ALL of these things that have happened in your life . The bible tells us that the battle is the Lord's and that the victory is ours . It also says to cast ALL your cares upon Him because He cares for you . Do you listen to ANY ministries on the T V or radio ? Let me suggest that you watch " Enjoying everyday life " with Joyce Meyer , or " Walk in the word " with James Mc Donald , or the " The Gospel Truth " with Andrew Wommack , listening to some of these will help until you find a church . Let me say this , if a church gets upset by you asking any questions , LEAVE ! You can also check out what some churches believe by going on the internet . The Lord never said that this life would be an easy one , we just need to understand that there are natural laws and there are spiritual laws , that is where we need the Lord's wisdom . There is help out there for you , keep searching for a good Holy Spirit filled church , I believe that you should speak to a Pastor that you can trust and that they can help you understand things better than I can . Right now all I can do is to pray for you . Father , You see the needs of this person , let faith arise in them to trust in You to work things out for their good and for Your glory , bring them to a church that You want them to be in . Lord , let him commit all of this to You , we stand on You word that says " Hope maketh not ashamed " Take care and please do NOT give up , the alternative is NOT a good choice , as time is close for Jesus' return . Blessings