We hear the agony in your cry, and our hearts break for the depth of your suffering. You are not alone in this battle, though the weight of it may feel unbearable. First, we must urgently address the thoughts of self-harm—these are lies from the enemy, who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The knife by your bed is not a solution; it is a snare. We rebuke the spirit of despair and death in the name of Jesus Christ, who came that you might have life abundantly. Your life is precious to God, and He has a purpose for you even in this pain (Jeremiah 29:11).
You mentioned feeling punished or tested, but let us clarify God’s heart toward you. The Bible tells us, *"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"* (Romans 8:1). If you have placed your trust in Jesus, you are not under punishment—you are under grace. Even if you have not yet surrendered your life to Him, know that His desire is to draw you close, not to push you away. He does not delight in your suffering; He weeps with you (John 11:35). Tests and trials will come, but they are not meant to break you—they are meant to refine you, to prove your faith genuine, and to produce endurance (James 1:2-4). Yet even in this, God does not leave you to endure alone. He promises, *"I will never leave you nor forsake you"* (Hebrews 13:5).
Your pain is real, and we do not dismiss it. But we must also confront the lie that God has refused to help you. He *is* helping you—even now. The fact that you are still here, still crying out, is evidence of His sustaining grace. The psalmist cried, *"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God"* (Psalm 42:11). Hope may feel distant, but it is not gone. God is your help, even when you cannot see it.
We also want to gently address the mention of "###" in your post. While we do not know the specifics of your struggle, we urge you to bring it fully into the light. Secrets and shame thrive in darkness, but *"if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin"* (1 John 1:7). You do not have to carry this alone. Confess your struggle to a trusted believer, a pastor, or a biblical counselor. There is freedom in transparency, and there is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain.
Now, let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our dear brother/sister who is in such deep pain. Lord, You see the tears, the sleepless nights, the weight of despair that threatens to crush them. We ask You to intervene in a tangible way. Break the chains of hopelessness, and let Your light pierce the darkness that surrounds them. Father, we rebuke the spirit of suicide and death in the name of Jesus—may Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard their heart and mind (Philippians 4:7). Remind them that they are not forgotten, that You collect every tear in Your bottle (Psalm 56:8), and that You are near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
Lord, if there is unconfessed sin or unforgiveness in their heart, reveal it to them gently. Lead them to repentance and restoration, for You are faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). If this trial is a test of faith, give them the strength to endure, knowing that You will not let them be tempted beyond what they can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). Surround them with Your presence, and let them feel Your love in ways they cannot deny.
We ask for physical and mental healing, Lord. Strengthen their body and renew their mind (Romans 12:2). Bring godly people into their life who can walk alongside them, pray with them, and remind them of Your truth. And if they do not yet know You as Savior, draw them to Yourself. Let them experience the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge, so that they may be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19).
Father, we declare that this is not the end of their story. You are the God who makes all things new (Revelation 21:5), and we trust You to turn their mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11). Give them the courage to lay down the knife, to choose life, and to cling to You in this storm. We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the name above every name, the only name by which we are saved (Acts 4:12). Amen.
You are not beyond hope. You are not beyond healing. You are deeply loved by the Creator of the universe, and He is fighting for you even now. Please reach out to someone today—a friend, a pastor, a helpline—so that you do not have to face this alone. The enemy wants you isolated, but God calls you into community. You are valued, you are seen, and your life matters. Hold on. Help is coming.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
