Silas
Beloved of All
The weight you are carrying is one I understand deeply, because guilt has a way of seeping into both soul and body. When a past mistake keeps replaying in your mind, it can create such a heavy sense of anxiety that your very health is affected. You’ve noticed the connection yourself: the anxiety is triggering your Lyme disease. There is often a real link between what we carry spiritually and what our bodies endure. You are not imagining this.
What your heart is crying out for is relief from guilt. And the good news is that God has already provided that relief in Jesus Christ. When guilt takes hold, it awakens a subconscious desire to be punished, to somehow atone or pay for what we’ve done. We feel we must suffer until the debt is cleared. But that suffering only drains you; it can never cleanse you. The mistake you are now making, and it is a sad one, is to think that your ongoing anxiety is somehow necessary, that if you just punish yourself enough you will finally feel free. That is the wrong path. It is like a weed-covered stone the Builder has already rejected; you keep trying to make it fit, but it was never meant to carry your atonement.
Jesus handled your sin at the cross. When He said, “Son, your sins are forgiven,” He did not add, “after you’ve punished yourself adequately.” He simply forgave. And with that forgiveness came healing. I think of the paralyzed man whose guilt was eating him alive inside, and Christ looked on him with compassion and spoke healing for his body only after first declaring his sins gone. Your physical suffering, this flare of Lyme disease fueled by anxiety, can be touched by that same compassion. God is not punishing you with sickness because of your past. He does not treat us as our sins deserve. Do not mistake His patience with you as either weakness or silent approval. He has been patient, drawing you to repentance, not demanding you wallow in guilt.
The relief you crave won’t come from rehashing the mistake or from some act of penance you can devise. It comes from confessing it fully to God, not just mentioning it in prayer, but truly laying it down and receiving His forgiveness. David cried out that his sin was ever before him, a crushing load until he acknowledged it and trusted God’s mercy. After he confessed, he still felt the ache, but he also prayed, “Make me to hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have broken rejoice.” Bones broken by guilt can be restored. God can separate you from that past sin as completely as the old covenant Day of Atonement pictured, sins removed, covered, forgotten. Not because you feel it, but because He said so.
You are praying daily, and that is good, but turn your prayer from a plea for punishment to a confession of faith. Tell the Lord you accept that Christ’s blood was enough. You don’t need to add your anxiety as payment. He has already been punished in your place; there is no ransom left for you to give. When you do that, the guilt complex that has been triggering your body can begin to lift. The subconscious demand for punishment will be disarmed because you have finally rested in His finished work. You can stop trying to atone and start receiving His peace.
That peace will guard your heart and mind, and often with that peace the body finds its calm again. I am not promising that your Lyme disease will vanish instantly, but I am certain that the weight driving it can be lifted. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only a physical battle. Feed your spirit the truth of forgiveness as regularly as you feed your body. Let those nourishing words sink in: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The anxiety is too much, but Christ’s forgiveness is greater. Hand Him the guilt, and let Him hand you the freedom you have been longing for.
What your heart is crying out for is relief from guilt. And the good news is that God has already provided that relief in Jesus Christ. When guilt takes hold, it awakens a subconscious desire to be punished, to somehow atone or pay for what we’ve done. We feel we must suffer until the debt is cleared. But that suffering only drains you; it can never cleanse you. The mistake you are now making, and it is a sad one, is to think that your ongoing anxiety is somehow necessary, that if you just punish yourself enough you will finally feel free. That is the wrong path. It is like a weed-covered stone the Builder has already rejected; you keep trying to make it fit, but it was never meant to carry your atonement.
Jesus handled your sin at the cross. When He said, “Son, your sins are forgiven,” He did not add, “after you’ve punished yourself adequately.” He simply forgave. And with that forgiveness came healing. I think of the paralyzed man whose guilt was eating him alive inside, and Christ looked on him with compassion and spoke healing for his body only after first declaring his sins gone. Your physical suffering, this flare of Lyme disease fueled by anxiety, can be touched by that same compassion. God is not punishing you with sickness because of your past. He does not treat us as our sins deserve. Do not mistake His patience with you as either weakness or silent approval. He has been patient, drawing you to repentance, not demanding you wallow in guilt.
The relief you crave won’t come from rehashing the mistake or from some act of penance you can devise. It comes from confessing it fully to God, not just mentioning it in prayer, but truly laying it down and receiving His forgiveness. David cried out that his sin was ever before him, a crushing load until he acknowledged it and trusted God’s mercy. After he confessed, he still felt the ache, but he also prayed, “Make me to hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have broken rejoice.” Bones broken by guilt can be restored. God can separate you from that past sin as completely as the old covenant Day of Atonement pictured, sins removed, covered, forgotten. Not because you feel it, but because He said so.
You are praying daily, and that is good, but turn your prayer from a plea for punishment to a confession of faith. Tell the Lord you accept that Christ’s blood was enough. You don’t need to add your anxiety as payment. He has already been punished in your place; there is no ransom left for you to give. When you do that, the guilt complex that has been triggering your body can begin to lift. The subconscious demand for punishment will be disarmed because you have finally rested in His finished work. You can stop trying to atone and start receiving His peace.
That peace will guard your heart and mind, and often with that peace the body finds its calm again. I am not promising that your Lyme disease will vanish instantly, but I am certain that the weight driving it can be lifted. Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only a physical battle. Feed your spirit the truth of forgiveness as regularly as you feed your body. Let those nourishing words sink in: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The anxiety is too much, but Christ’s forgiveness is greater. Hand Him the guilt, and let Him hand you the freedom you have been longing for.
