Part 14

[Anonymous]

These past few nights have been very restless. I am often alone, so I do not notice it, but this time my little sister was there to see it. I tossed and turned in my sleep all night, whereas I normally slept in a rather still position.

I dreamed that I was being pursued by some kind of guru, a man who seemed friendly at first, but I realized in the dream that something was not right, that he was actually a guru, and I was trying to escape from him. We were in a building where I was being chased and trying to get away.

I had already been having nightmares for several years.

But I am struggling to contain the torments of my soul; they are now manifesting themselves in my sleep.

Yesterday, a man I have not spoken to since 2019 added me as a friend on Instagram and sent me another message. Because he wanted me to belong to him and I had never slept with him, because he had never been able to touch my body, he became enraged and went to pay sorcerers to curse me. This is one of the reasons—and because I was ignorant of what he had done to me—that I turned to the pastor’s congregation, who later harassed me. But that was in 2023, around four or five years after the events.

He did not harass me at first, and things were going well: I explained my problems to them, and they prayed for my deliverance and for these inexplicable problems to come to an end. That is how we discovered what he had done to me. Him and other sorcerers, some of whom had tried to take my life. These people even fasted for me at first, and I fasted a great deal and repented a great deal as well, because I truly wanted everything to stop.

For years, I had problems and spiritual manifestations that I did not understand: he wanted me to suffer emotionally, to never find love, to become fat, and to no longer be beautiful. Even today, this man still believes that I have not “paid” enough and that I must pay even more for rejecting him.

Yet I never did anything wrong to this man. I never insulted him either. I cut off contact because he had harassed me with messages and insults the day after my birthday: more than 70 insulting messages and voice messages sent one after another, with an extraordinary level of aggression, leaving me with such an overwhelming fear of being attacked that I had stomach pain for months.

Thankfully, he did not know where I lived, and we also lived very far away from one another. He masturbates and ejaculates on my photographs as his way of defiling me. And now, seven years later, he still wants to harm me.

This pastor who prayed for me at first, knowing all of this (except for the masturbating part) and also knowing about the sexual assaults I had experienced, my mother, and the fact that I was homeless, nevertheless chose to keep pressuring me because of the two dreams he had had. He insisted that I had to get married, that as a woman it was abnormal for me not to want a husband, and that I was under the influence of a spirit that did not want me to marry.

But these things happened to me. I am a very honest person, you know. When I do something wrong, I acknowledge it. But I insist that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES did I ever have to wrong them or do anything to them. I always withdrew. Then I distanced myself. I never sought revenge.

I turned to Christ with all my heart. Day after day, I tried to remain in His ways as a disciple faithful to His cause. I diligently sought His ways, served Him, and prayed relentlessly, actively contributing to His cause. I eventually exhausted all my strength doing so.

Even though my wounds were numerous and several of them were becoming infected, I accepted the instruction, advice, guidance, and even the disparaging remarks because I could no longer bear what I was going through.

It was during this period of struggle, assault, and PTSD—when I was receiving psychological care because I wanted to be able to heal so that I could better care for my sister, when I saw my mother unable to feed herself or even pronounce my name, when I was experiencing rejection and betrayal one after another—that I gave myself most fully to Christ.

People often tell me that my face radiates, that I bring joy to others, that I edify them, and, for several people, that I give them hope and Love. Yet deep down, I was depressed to a point you cannot comprehend, completely suicidal. I set my feelings aside many times when I felt in my spirit God’s call concerning souls, and I devoted myself to His cause as never before. I listened to and loved others, not only in words but through actions.

I pursued the works of the Spirit to such an extent that people I did not know would come to me—even at the beginning of this year—to tell me that the Holy Spirit was with me and upon me. And I truly loved Christ more than I loved myself.

But I eventually could no longer bear the mistreatment I was facing in the ministry, the cruelty, contempt, slander, and THE CONSTANT PERSECUTION of these people against me.

Even though I HAD ALWAYS TOLD THEM WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH and THEY KNEW IT. They saw me in weakness and depression, feverish but persistent, yet it did not stop them.

I do not understand their relentless treatment of me. Why, KNOWING WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH, do they insist SO MUCH on harassing me, involving me in their affairs, belittling me, and hurting me? And several of them CONTINUE TO TRY TO HARM ME.

I left a long time ago. I have no contact with them, and I do not even want any, yet they still seek me out and pursue me? To hurt me?? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WANT.

Am I really that bad? Am I crazy? Am I truly the person they describe? Am I committing a CRIME by being who I am? By existing? Is that why I have openly been called a “nuisance” several times? Because I did not think the way they wanted me to think? Because I am NOT THE WAY THEY WANT ME TO BE? Because I would not accept their injustice? Is my voice too much?

And if I am the one at fault: WHY am I the one who has to distance myself and isolate myself for my own safety??

I have meticulously analyzed my own conduct, and even after all these years, I still do not understand what could make people treat me like this. Because what have I really done to them, actually? If we analyze the FACTS rather than their accusations: WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THEM?

I HAVE NEVER DONE THEM ANY HARM. They make my nervous system go haywire!!!

AM I ASKING TOO MUCH BY WANTING TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING?

Pray that nothing happens the way they want it to. I REFUSE TO LET THEM DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WITH MY LIFE.

 

[Articles]

We have heard your heart and we have read your pain with great burden and compassion, and we stand with you together before the throne of grace in Jesus name. What you have endured for these many years is heavy beyond words, the restless nights, the tossing and turning that even your little sister could see, the years of nightmares, and now this dream of being pursued by a guru who seemed friendly at first but was not right, a chase through a building where you tried to escape. We believe this dream reveals the spiritual reality of what you have been carrying, a torment of the soul that now manifests in your sleep, and we do not take it lightly.

The Word tells us we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places Ephesians 6:12. We also hear your testimony about the man from 2019 who, because you would not belong to him and because you never slept with him and he could never touch your body, became enraged and paid sorcerers to curse you, to make you suffer emotionally, to never find love, to become fat and no longer be beautiful, and who even now defiles your photographs in such a vile and perverse way. We want to affirm you clearly, you did what was right and holy before God in refusing to give your body to a man who was not your husband. Sex before and outside of marriage is fornication and the Scripture calls us to flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18. You guarded your purity and that is not something to pay for, it is something God honors. That man’s actions, his rage, his paying of sorcerers, his lustful defilement of your image, are wicked and sinful and God sees them fully. Sorcery is an abomination before the Lord and those who practice it will give account, yet we want you to know with deep assurance that no curse can stand against one who belongs to Christ. No weapon that is formed against you will prevail Isaiah 54:17 and greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world 1 John 4:4. The enemy may try to pursue, as in your dream, but you are not abandoned to be overtaken.

We also must speak plainly about what happened in that congregation. At first they prayed and fasted for your deliverance and you fasted and repented with a sincere heart truly wanting everything to stop, and that desire to walk faithfully with Christ is precious to God. Yet it grieves us that the same pastor who knew of the sexual assaults you had suffered, who knew of your mother’s affliction and your homelessness and your vulnerability, then used his own two dreams to pressure you relentlessly that you must marry, saying it was abnormal as a woman not to want a husband and that you were under a spirit that did not want you to marry. We rebuke that misuse of spiritual authority. While we believe with all our hearts in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman and we pray for godly marriages that honor God, the Scripture also honors singleness and teaches that each has his own gift from God, one of this kind, and another of that kind 1 Corinthians 7:7. No pastor has the right to coerce a daughter of Christ into marriage, to shame her, belittle her, slander her, or persecute her for not marrying according to his dreams or his timing. That is not the shepherding of Christ, who says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28. We are so sorry you were met with cruelty, contempt, slander and constant persecution in a place where you should have found refuge, and we affirm that your decision to withdraw and distance yourself and to isolate for your own safety was not a fault but wisdom. You asked if you are asking too much by wanting to be treated like a human being, and we answer you are not. You are made in the image of God Psalm 139:14, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and your voice is not too much.

You asked if you are that bad, if you are crazy, if you committed a crime by being who you are and by existing, if you are the nuisance they called you. We tell you before the Lord, no. You have meticulously examined your conduct and you have not sought revenge, you have always withdrawn rather than harmed, and you have been honest when you have done wrong. The Lord sees that honesty and He is near to those who are brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3. The fact that people tell you your face radiates and that you bring joy and edify others and give hope and love, even while deep down you have been depressed to the point of being completely suicidal, does not make you false, it reveals how faithfully you have poured yourself out for Christ and for souls while carrying unhealed wounds that were becoming infected. God does not despise that exhaustion. He knows you eventually exhausted all your strength trying to remain faithful as a disciple, serving and praying relentlessly, and He does not measure your worth by endless striving but by His grace. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God Ephesians 2:8. Your fasting and repentance were beautiful offerings of a sincere heart, but your deliverance does not come by wearing yourself out, it comes by the finished work of Jesus.

We also hear your deep confusion and pain that even though you left a long time ago and have no contact and want none, they still seek you out and pursue you to hurt you, and that this man from seven years ago still believes you have not paid enough and still wants to harm you after you cut off contact for your safety following more than seventy insulting messages and voice messages of extraordinary aggression that left you with stomach pain for months. We want you to know this pattern is not your fault. You are not to blame for the harassment of an angry man who could not possess you, nor for the harassment of a ministry that refused to honor your boundaries. You did right to block and to stay far from one who lived far away and did not know where you lived, and we encourage you to continue to guard that boundary now, to block this man again on Instagram and not to answer, to document what has happened if needed for your safety, and to remain separated from those who persecute you. God is your refuge and your fortress Psalm 91:2 and He gives His angels charge over you to guard you in all your ways Psalm 91:11.

For your nights we pray especially, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control 2 Timothy 1:7. The terror by night and the spiritual manifestations you have endured for years are not your identity. We pray that the Lord will rebuke every spirit of sorcery, every assignment of suffering, loneliness, shame and defilement spoken against you, and cancel it by the blood of Jesus. For we know that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 8:38-39.

We pray together now for you.

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who alone is the way, the truth and the life and through whom we have access to You John 14:6, we bring our sister before Your throne. We thank You that she turned to You with all her heart, that she has loved You more than herself and sought to remain in Your ways. See her restless nights and her tossing and turning, see the nightmares and the pursuit in her dreams, and command peace over her sleep. We ask that You let her lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone make her dwell in safety Psalm 4:8. We plead the blood of Jesus over her mind, her body, her sleep, her home and her little sister, and we ask You to break and nullify every curse, every sorcery, every word spoken by those sorcerers who tried to take her life and to make her suffer, and every defilement done in secret against her image. Let no weapon prosper and let every tongue that rises against her in judgment be condemned, for this is the heritage of Your servants Isaiah 54:17. Heal her nervous system that has been made haywire by relentless treatment, heal the wounds that have become infected, heal the trauma and the PTSD and the deep depression and the suicidal despair that no one could fully comprehend. Replace fear with Your perfect love that casts out fear 1 John 4:18. Vindicate her where she has been called a nuisance and belittled, and let her know she is Your beloved daughter, not forgotten, not crazy, not criminal for existing. Silence the voices of those who still pursue her to harm her, and let nothing happen the way they want it to, but only according to Your perfect will, for we know that all things work together for good for those who love You Romans 8:28. Restore to her joyful hope, surround her with a safe, biblically faithful community that will treat her with gentleness and dignity, and if it is Your will in Your timing, bring a godly husband who will love her as Christ loves the church, but we ask that no human pressure force her path, only Your Spirit lead her. Give her rest from having to strive to earn deliverance and let her rest in Your finished work. We ask all this in the mighty and only saving name of Jesus, amen.

We encourage you to continue in psychological care as you have been doing to be able to heal and care for your sister, for God uses both prayer and wise counsel, and to continue to seek Him not through exhausting striving but through daily quiet trust, letting His Word dwell richly in you. Keep your boundaries firm with both that man and that former congregation, do not engage their provocations, and if harassment continues seek help from trusted authorities. You have not done them harm, you have withdrawn in peace, and the Lord will be your defender. You are not alone, you are seen, you are loved, and the One who pursued you in love is greater than any guru or sorcerer or persecutor who has pursued you to harm you. We are standing with you and we will continue to pray that the torments of your soul are lifted and that your sleep becomes sweet again in Christ.

 

[hostadmin]

We want to care for your safety first. You shared you have felt completely suicidal and deeply depressed. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone; trained people are ready to help right now.

Thank you for trusting us with so much of your story. We hear how exhausting these years have been, the long history of nightmares, the recent restless nights your sister noticed, that frightening dream of being chased by a guru, and the renewed contact from a man who hurt you deeply years ago. It makes sense your nervous system feels on edge after so much harassment, betrayal, and the painful pressure you experienced in that ministry when you were already homeless, grieving your mother's health, and seeking help.

Wanting to be treated like a human being is not too much to ask. Pulling back to protect yourself is not a sign you are bad or crazy, it is a wise step toward safety when boundaries have been crossed. From what you describe you withdrew rather than harmed, and you sought Christ sincerely even while feeling depleted.

We are glad you mentioned receiving psychological care. Please stay connected with that support and with a trusted safe person, and consider talking with your care provider or a medical professional about the ongoing sleep distress alongside prayer. If that man continues to contact you, keeping a record and keeping distance as you have done is a reasonable way to protect your peace.

Father, in Jesus name we ask You to surround our sister with Your protection and peace, to comfort her in these night terrors, to guide those who care for her with wisdom, and to lead her into safe community where she is treated with dignity. Give her rest and hope for each day. Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Spurgeon]

Your letter has been read with much sorrow and with earnest prayer, and the heaviness of your soul is not hidden from the Lord who sees in secret.

There is a word which has often been a cordial to the tried saint, Deliver him from going down to the pit. When deep sleep falls upon men and dreams trouble the night, when the heart tosses and turns and the enemy seems to pursue, then He opens the ears of men and seals their instruction. The Lord who allowed your affliction to be seen even by your little sister is the same Lord who gives commandment to save you, and you shall be saved, saved from yourself and from all the attacks of your old sins, saved from the devil. The way of deliverance is not in forms and ceremonies, or works, or feelings, but to look to what Christ has done. Look unto Him and be saved, all the ends of the earth, for He is God and there is none else. In that looking there goes forth the word, Deliver him, and the bands are snapped.

You speak of curses and sorcerers and of a man who would defile your image and bind your life with malice. Know this, that He has delivered us from the power of darkness. Deliverance from the power of sin is as much the work of God as deliverance from the guilt of sin, and where we look for justification there must we also look for sanctification. No sorcery can stand against the blood of Christ, no curse can alight where Christ has made His dwelling. The mischief that comes from loving the world and its dark arts is broken when Christ is trusted alone. You need not fear that their incantations have power over one who is hidden in Christ. He has taught you the vanity of such temptations, and now they shall tempt in vain, for you are fetched out and washed and cleansed and made to sit among Gods people.

Your afflictions have come distinctly from man, as the result of persecution and malice, and yet they may come with even greater certainty from the Lord and may be the necessary outcome of His special love to you. For this reason we may wisely moderate our anger against second causes, not that we excuse cruelty, but that we cast our burden upon the Lord and spread the whole case before the eyes of Infinite Love, expecting and being sure that God will in some way work deliverance for us. He can and will as surely raise you from every kind of trouble and apparent destruction as He will raise His people from the dead. If God shall restore us from the sepulchre, He can certainly restore us from sickness, from slander, from depression of spirit, from despair. His name is Shaddai, God All Sufficient, trust Him fully.

Concerning what was pressed upon you about marriage, hear the Scripture rightly. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, honourable and holy, and all that is of the married bed belongs within it. Yet singleness is not a sin nor a mark of an evil spirit. It is not abnormal for a woman to wait upon the Lord unwedded, and no man may lay such a yoke upon you by dreams or by pressure. You kept yourself, and by the grace of God you kept yourself from iniquity when you were harassed and pursued. That keeping is not a crime, it is a mercy. To withdraw from those who harmed you, to distance yourself for your own safety, is not fault but wisdom. You are not a nuisance for existing, you are not crazy for guarding your soul, and your voice raised against injustice is not too much when it pleads for that which is right and pure.

You write that you are depressed even unto death and that you have laboured till strength failed. Let faith now have its joyous operation and let it be said openly and boldly, I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. The Lord has chastened you sorely, but He has not given you over unto death. Dejected, rejected, neglected, yet come to Jesus and learn that you are elected to be perfected in Him. Having found Christ, stick to Him. Do not turn your eyes away from the Cross. In Him you died unto sin, in Him you were redeemed from death and the curse, and in Him you live forever.

I pray for you that the night terrors may be stilled, that the Lord would give you quiet sleep and seal instruction in mercy rather than terror, that He would keep your body and mind under His tender care, that He would heal the wounds that have festered and lift the weight of post traumatic fear, that He would provide safety and bread and a home, and that He would comfort your mother and your sister. I pray that those who have pursued you to harm you may be restrained by His hand, that nothing may happen according to their unjust will over your life, but only according to the good and perfect will of God which seeks your holiness and your peace. May you be kept from iniquity by His grace, may you preach by your holy life even when your lips are weary, and may you find that to bear the cross after Christ is surest progress, for He goes a little ahead of you and will not let you slip from under His care.

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain you. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this in Jesus Name. Amen.