I have to say God bless you again. So a lost son says "show me the way, show me the truth, show me the life". I see you are on the same page and agreeing with Jesus. For your Heavenly Father send His son, Jesus to show you the Way, to show you the Truth, to show you the Life, for He knew before hand, you wanted, direction into the Kingdom of God your Heavenly and Spiritual Father.
You see Jesus said "you must be born again to enter into the Kingdom of God"--John 3:3.
Verse 3:5 Verily, I say unto you, except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God.
Verse 3:6 That which is born of flesh is flesh; and that which is born of spirit is spirit. You see you were born of flesh and blood through your natural parents. Now being born again it is of the will of God, a heavenly birth, a spiritual birth.
John 1:12 but to many as received Him, (Jesus) to them He gave the power to become sons of God, even to them that believe on His name. Verse 13, which were born not of blood, nor the will of man, BUT THE WILL OF GOD.
Matt 18:13 speaks about when one repents there is rejoying in heaven over sinners. There is constant partying in Heaven when a soul repents and become born again. So there will be a party in your name, the angels will be rejoycing about.
Lets pray this prayer together now, Father, I am a sinner and You send Jesus to die for my sins and to restore me to You. I thank You for forgiving me. I surrender my life to You. I accept Jesus in my heart, where rivers water shall flow within me. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit, so I will bear the fruits of the spirit, joy, peace and happiness in the Holy Spirit. Father send Your ministering angels of salvation to minister to my soul. Thank You for heavenly protection for such a time as this. Soften my heart, open my heart to receive spiritual gifts. Father as You have forgiven me today, I lift up those who have hurt and offend me, I forgive them (name them before your heavenly father, it may be painfull, suffer the pain, there will be healing)
Father in Jesus name lead me to older and Godly men, give me wisdom to discern road block, distraction, and put my faith, hope and trust in You. I pray all this in Jesus name