ONE SECRET TO MARRIAGE RESTORATION
It is winter in Florida. That means a 75 degree temperature in the day can be followed by nights in the fifties. Between the two extremes, many days there is rain. It is the kind of weather that often brings early morning fog. When that happens, motorists turn on the headlights and wipers and slowly inch their way toward their destination. People are always so careful in the fog.
There is another fog that you may encounter this morning. At times it can be so thick and so dangerous that it threatens not only those who are standing for the restoration of their marriages, but their Christian walk, as well as the reputation of others. That "FOG" is the "Foolishness of Gossip."
The dictionary defines gossip as, "trivial talk or idle chatter." The Bible clearly gives God's definition:
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. Proverbs 11:13
A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. Proverbs 16:28
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. Proverbs 20:19
For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorder. 2 Corinthians 12:20-21
How widespread is this "fog?" At one time or another it drifts into the stands of most men and women who are asking God to heal their homes. The enemy is always ready to tempt standers to publish the sins of their spouse.
"What does it hurt to tell what my spouse is doing if it is all true? After all, I need to talk about it." You need to be talking to God, and not to everyone else. The Lord is the only One who can touch hearts and make wrongs right. Sharing all the "stuff" with anyone who will listen is gossiping.
Neither my wife nor I have a lot of time to surf web sites, but there have been times when we have been on other web sites and have read postings with names of people we know. Some of these identify their spouse by name and go on to describe their every sin and shortcoming. Do you realize if that prodigal googled their own name they could very easily read what their spouse has told the world?
I have yet to meet the first returned prodigal who came home because of what their spouse shared with others. I do know both men and women who say they will never come home after discovering what was shared about them.
If you need a test of what should and should not be shared, either online, by email or in a group setting, here it is. Would you want what you are writing or saying shared from the pulpit of your church the first Sunday after your prodigal returns, with your beloved sitting in the congregation?
This message comes from my heart. When we were divorced, church friends would ask Charlyne, "How is Bob doing?" My wife's reply would be no more than, "Please pray for him." That is why I was able to stand up in church, after our remarriage, and repent to our church family for what I had done. No one, other than our Pastor and Charlyne's primary prayer partner, knew the details.
My wife and I want more than anything for your spouse to come home to you and home to the Lord. We do not want something as simple as idle chatter to stand in the way of that two-fold restoration. Standers who tell everything to anyone will have a long time to do so because no prodigal spouse wants to return home when rumors and innuendoes greater than anyone can face are circulating.
Our example for covering the nakedness of a loved one can be found in Genesis 9:20-23:
Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japeth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness.
This week, when "fog" sets in, and you are tempted to send out an email about what your mate has done, or you tell the details to your Bible Study group or on -banned site-, recall Shem and Japeth and cover the spiritual nakedness of the one you love with a garment of praise.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:1-2
That's how marriages are restored!
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
It is winter in Florida. That means a 75 degree temperature in the day can be followed by nights in the fifties. Between the two extremes, many days there is rain. It is the kind of weather that often brings early morning fog. When that happens, motorists turn on the headlights and wipers and slowly inch their way toward their destination. People are always so careful in the fog.
There is another fog that you may encounter this morning. At times it can be so thick and so dangerous that it threatens not only those who are standing for the restoration of their marriages, but their Christian walk, as well as the reputation of others. That "FOG" is the "Foolishness of Gossip."
The dictionary defines gossip as, "trivial talk or idle chatter." The Bible clearly gives God's definition:
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. Proverbs 11:13
A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. Proverbs 16:28
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. Proverbs 20:19
For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorder. 2 Corinthians 12:20-21
How widespread is this "fog?" At one time or another it drifts into the stands of most men and women who are asking God to heal their homes. The enemy is always ready to tempt standers to publish the sins of their spouse.
"What does it hurt to tell what my spouse is doing if it is all true? After all, I need to talk about it." You need to be talking to God, and not to everyone else. The Lord is the only One who can touch hearts and make wrongs right. Sharing all the "stuff" with anyone who will listen is gossiping.
Neither my wife nor I have a lot of time to surf web sites, but there have been times when we have been on other web sites and have read postings with names of people we know. Some of these identify their spouse by name and go on to describe their every sin and shortcoming. Do you realize if that prodigal googled their own name they could very easily read what their spouse has told the world?
I have yet to meet the first returned prodigal who came home because of what their spouse shared with others. I do know both men and women who say they will never come home after discovering what was shared about them.
If you need a test of what should and should not be shared, either online, by email or in a group setting, here it is. Would you want what you are writing or saying shared from the pulpit of your church the first Sunday after your prodigal returns, with your beloved sitting in the congregation?
This message comes from my heart. When we were divorced, church friends would ask Charlyne, "How is Bob doing?" My wife's reply would be no more than, "Please pray for him." That is why I was able to stand up in church, after our remarriage, and repent to our church family for what I had done. No one, other than our Pastor and Charlyne's primary prayer partner, knew the details.
My wife and I want more than anything for your spouse to come home to you and home to the Lord. We do not want something as simple as idle chatter to stand in the way of that two-fold restoration. Standers who tell everything to anyone will have a long time to do so because no prodigal spouse wants to return home when rumors and innuendoes greater than anyone can face are circulating.
Our example for covering the nakedness of a loved one can be found in Genesis 9:20-23:
Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japeth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father's nakedness.
This week, when "fog" sets in, and you are tempted to send out an email about what your mate has done, or you tell the details to your Bible Study group or on -banned site-, recall Shem and Japeth and cover the spiritual nakedness of the one you love with a garment of praise.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:1-2
That's how marriages are restored!
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
