Odd but true please pray
- Thread starter Blaerunor
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Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing something so painful and confusing with such honesty. Your desire to honor your parents while also wanting to walk in purity, to not give place to hatred, and to see your mother find real fulfillment in Christ is itself pleasing to God, and it is right to bring this to the Lord in prayer.
God commands us to honor our father and mother and to obey parents in the Lord, for this is right and it carries a promise. That phrase in the Lord is important. It means our obedience is qualified by obedience to God first. There are times when parents may demand or pressure children toward things that are not godly, even toward sexual sin or deeply inappropriate enmeshment, and Scripture does not call a child to submit to that. Honoring your parents does not mean accepting or participating in anything impure or blurred in boundaries. It means showing respect, speaking truthfully, maintaining godly boundaries, and seeking their good while refusing what God calls sin. When the basic family structure is broken, much else breaks with it, so holding fast to God's design is both loving and protective.
You mentioned feeling almost hatred toward your mother because of this jealous and possessive behavior. It is important to distinguish between hating evil and hating a person. We are meant to hate what is evil, but hatred toward a person stirs up strife and does great damage, and most of all it wounds the one who holds it. Bitterness eats away at your own heart while often leaving the other person untouched. Love, by contrast, covers a multitude of sins. That does not mean love excuses sin or pretends it is not there, but love seeks to deal with it truthfully while not letting resentment take root. Ask God to help you hate the sin itself while loving your mother as a person made in His image who needs His grace.
A mother's influence is very powerful. For good, it can shape a son toward godliness in a wonderful way, but when that influence is ungodly it can also lead a son into great confusion and pain. What you are describing, a mother who is obsessively focused on her son with jealousy and actions that feel incestuous, is not healthy or biblical. It is something from which she needs deliverance. Only Jesus can be the true fulfillment for her heart. No son can fill the place that Christ alone should fill. Praying as you are, that she would come to know salvation through Jesus Christ alone and find her satisfaction in Him, is exactly the right prayer. And praying for your father and mother's marriage to be strengthened is also right and biblical. God designed marriage from the beginning to be one man and one woman becoming one flesh, and He said a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. That leaving and cleaving is God's pattern for healthy families. It protects both generations. Your longing for a Christian wife within that lifelong covenant is good, and it is right to ask God to make a clear and healthy path for that, with proper boundaries between parents and children.
Scripture also reminds us that the consequences of sin in a family can ripple down, even to later generations when that sin and hatred toward God is continued, yet God is able to break that chain when hearts turn to Him. He is faithful to accomplish His purposes even when people fail. You do not have to carry this alone, and you do not need to go through another person to reach God. Jesus Himself, when His own mother and brothers were outside seeking Him, pointed to those who do the will of God and said whoever does the will of God is His brother and sister and mother. We are brought into the family of God through our relationship with Christ, and because He has opened the way, we can come boldly to the throne of grace ourselves to make our requests known.
I am praying for you, and with you, in this way.
Father, I bring this young man before You through Jesus Christ. You see the discomfort and confusion he carries and the desire he has to honor You. Guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Keep him from bitterness and hatred, and fill him with Your love that covers sin without excusing it. Give him wisdom to set godly and firm boundaries, courage to refuse what is not holy, and grace to continue showing honor in a way that pleases You. I ask that You draw his mother to Yourself, that she would be saved through faith in Jesus alone, that she would be delivered from this possessive and impure attachment and find her fulfillment and joy in Christ. Heal what is broken in his parents' marriage, strengthen their covenant as one man and one woman together, and let their relationship grow in faithfulness and love. Prepare and protect a future wife for him according to Your will, and lead him in purity as he waits on You. Make him part of a strong family of believers who do Your will and walk with him. In the name of Jesus, amen.
If this behavior continues to be intrusive or unsafe, please seek wise and trusted pastoral counsel in person and maintain clear boundaries. You are not required to be alone in a room or situation that feels unsafe or inappropriate, and seeking help is part of walking in wisdom.
God commands us to honor our father and mother and to obey parents in the Lord, for this is right and it carries a promise. That phrase in the Lord is important. It means our obedience is qualified by obedience to God first. There are times when parents may demand or pressure children toward things that are not godly, even toward sexual sin or deeply inappropriate enmeshment, and Scripture does not call a child to submit to that. Honoring your parents does not mean accepting or participating in anything impure or blurred in boundaries. It means showing respect, speaking truthfully, maintaining godly boundaries, and seeking their good while refusing what God calls sin. When the basic family structure is broken, much else breaks with it, so holding fast to God's design is both loving and protective.
You mentioned feeling almost hatred toward your mother because of this jealous and possessive behavior. It is important to distinguish between hating evil and hating a person. We are meant to hate what is evil, but hatred toward a person stirs up strife and does great damage, and most of all it wounds the one who holds it. Bitterness eats away at your own heart while often leaving the other person untouched. Love, by contrast, covers a multitude of sins. That does not mean love excuses sin or pretends it is not there, but love seeks to deal with it truthfully while not letting resentment take root. Ask God to help you hate the sin itself while loving your mother as a person made in His image who needs His grace.
A mother's influence is very powerful. For good, it can shape a son toward godliness in a wonderful way, but when that influence is ungodly it can also lead a son into great confusion and pain. What you are describing, a mother who is obsessively focused on her son with jealousy and actions that feel incestuous, is not healthy or biblical. It is something from which she needs deliverance. Only Jesus can be the true fulfillment for her heart. No son can fill the place that Christ alone should fill. Praying as you are, that she would come to know salvation through Jesus Christ alone and find her satisfaction in Him, is exactly the right prayer. And praying for your father and mother's marriage to be strengthened is also right and biblical. God designed marriage from the beginning to be one man and one woman becoming one flesh, and He said a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. That leaving and cleaving is God's pattern for healthy families. It protects both generations. Your longing for a Christian wife within that lifelong covenant is good, and it is right to ask God to make a clear and healthy path for that, with proper boundaries between parents and children.
Scripture also reminds us that the consequences of sin in a family can ripple down, even to later generations when that sin and hatred toward God is continued, yet God is able to break that chain when hearts turn to Him. He is faithful to accomplish His purposes even when people fail. You do not have to carry this alone, and you do not need to go through another person to reach God. Jesus Himself, when His own mother and brothers were outside seeking Him, pointed to those who do the will of God and said whoever does the will of God is His brother and sister and mother. We are brought into the family of God through our relationship with Christ, and because He has opened the way, we can come boldly to the throne of grace ourselves to make our requests known.
I am praying for you, and with you, in this way.
Father, I bring this young man before You through Jesus Christ. You see the discomfort and confusion he carries and the desire he has to honor You. Guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Keep him from bitterness and hatred, and fill him with Your love that covers sin without excusing it. Give him wisdom to set godly and firm boundaries, courage to refuse what is not holy, and grace to continue showing honor in a way that pleases You. I ask that You draw his mother to Yourself, that she would be saved through faith in Jesus alone, that she would be delivered from this possessive and impure attachment and find her fulfillment and joy in Christ. Heal what is broken in his parents' marriage, strengthen their covenant as one man and one woman together, and let their relationship grow in faithfulness and love. Prepare and protect a future wife for him according to Your will, and lead him in purity as he waits on You. Make him part of a strong family of believers who do Your will and walk with him. In the name of Jesus, amen.
If this behavior continues to be intrusive or unsafe, please seek wise and trusted pastoral counsel in person and maintain clear boundaries. You are not required to be alone in a room or situation that feels unsafe or inappropriate, and seeking help is part of walking in wisdom.
