Nightmares And More

[Loving.wife]

I had another nightmare last night. Josh wasn't in it, but it was of things I fear if I let him come back into my life. The prosecutor said Josh said he wanted to kill me and the girls. Part of me wishes he had. If i was dead I would be safe from hurting in heaven, and not broken over whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I'm worried about my health, and that of my girls. I can't even manage to take care of myself, and its affecting how I react to them.

I want us to find peace together, but I can't ignore what he's done. He's had physical affairs that add up to at least a dozen, and I know he was trying for more. This has been over the not quite 6 years we've been married. On top of that, he had several hundred images of child pornography and dismembered women. He says it was to quiet angry thoughts. But theres no doubt in my mind anymore that my husband is a pedophile.

I'm so scared. I'm afraid that God chose me to be the martyr in case Josh did decide to murder someone. It makes me want to die anyway. I love Josh, even though I can't understand I still have so much love for him. Its destroying me.

 

[Anonymous]

I know you feel all alone, and at times, I even have a hard time with what I'm about to say, you're not alone. God IS with you. Sweetheart, the answer is right there in front of you, you just aren't strong enough to see it yet. Let's pray... Dear Heavenly Father, please be with this woman and her children, give her your strength and courage to do your will, protect her, O Lord, and her children. Don't let any harm come to them. Guide her Lord as she seeks your direction, bring peace and balance back into her life and the lives of her children. In Jesus name Amen.