Never Ending Nightmare

I feel like I'm trapped. I have asked God time and time again to send me my future wife, but he refuses. My parents want me to get involved in more social events but I can't find any I would be comfortable at. There are no good singles groups around this city. Why do I have to go out of my way to find someone when God could just allow me to meet someone at school or chuch, or on the Job. The only other thing I have not tried beside stupid dating sites is a match maker. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like I'm trying to get out of this depression and I can't. I have nothing to offer. I'm so afraid of going out anywhere right now, because I litterally have lost all confidence in myself. I'm so anxious I can't sleep and my chest feels like its caving in. I feel so useless and so unwanted. I can't concentrait on what's in frount of me. Why is this happening? When is it going to end? It's eating me up inside and I feel on edge and stressed all the time because I keep hoping something will change. Why does nothing change? I want God to do something? I can't do it on my own. I have no strength left and I'm miserable. My ABA counsoler is at her whits end with me because she does not know what to do and I don't know what to do? My pastoral counsoler does not know what to say either. I just keep thinking why would God put me through all this mental tourment. It literally never ends. I'm constantly secound guessing myself. I don't feel God grace covering me. I always feel like I'm being punished. I try to read my Bible and pray every day and I feel nothing. I accepted Christ and re-dedicated more than once. I belive Jesus died for me and I will never denigh that. So why do I always feel like I'm being punished? I don't have an answer. This emotional, anxiousness just never ends. The constant panic attacks when they are least welcome, the shyness, the low self-esteem, I just wish it would all go away. I feel like there's no escaping this constant emotional disterbance. It just keeps going. I don't want to give up, but I can't help but feel like I've already lost.

 

[Khadeja]

I pray that the Lord change your heart

 

[Saraha]

I will keep you in my daily prayers. God bless