Your cry has come before the Lord and it is not hidden from Him, though your heart feels as one forsaken on every side. At home, at work, in the church, among family, and even within your own spirit you feel invisible and persecuted, and you ask with the psalmist and with our Lord Himself, why am I forsaken and what do I have to live for.
Know this first, that our blessed Saviour has trod this very path and knows its darkness to the full. About the ninth hour He cried, My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me. He was not merely appearing to be forsaken, but He was in truth delivered into the hands of cruel men and left without the manifested comfort of the Father, that He might bear our sins against God and man. Yet even in that cry His faith did not falter, for He said twice, My God, My God. It was the mighty double grip of unhesitating faith, as if to say, though You have forsaken Me, I have not forsaken You. If you are His, your feeling of being forsaken is not the reality. Israel was persecuted but not forsaken, and so are you. The Lord says through Isaiah, I have graven you upon the palms of My hands. Zion said, Jehovah has forsaken me and my Lord has forgotten me, but her complaint was groundless. A child feeling the rod may say my father has forgotten me, yet the father has not. If there is in your soul a longing after God, a panting after peace with Him, that very longing is proof He has not left you.
You speak of waiting fifty five years for answers concerning provision and companionship. Hear what the prophet says, therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you. We often run before God and when everything has broken down we come back to salvation through Jesus Christ alone and find Him lovingly waiting, graciously waiting, ready to pardon. There is a singular patience in God, and there is a final success to all His waiting. When God has waited for the soul, that soul is brought to wait on Him, and God is not defeated toward His own. The psalmist says, My soul, wait thou only upon God, which Calvin renders, My soul, be thou silent before God. Rest calm and undisturbed. They that wait on the Lord shall not want any good thing. This is the right independency, to know no dependence except upon God. Your faith, like the world, should hang on nothing but the promise of God, floating in the ether of confidence, needing nothing to uphold it but the right hand of the Majesty on high.
In your loneliness, remember that every Christian will find narrow paths where pilgrims must march in single file. Sometimes the child of God endures loneliness arising from the absence of godly society, when even in a new church others seem to have tunnel vision and you feel invisible. Christ knew this loneliness, yet the Father was with Him in covenant faithfulness even when comfort was withdrawn. If you can but believe in God, He will never desert you. If you can dare to trust Him in the dark, He will not allow you to be confounded.
For what you have to live for, you are here because God has placed you here and engraved you on His hands. Your life is not measured by whether roommates or coworkers or family approve you, but by whether you are His. Unconditional love shown to others, even when it is returned with betrayal, is not wasted when it is done unto the Lord. At the same time, seek wisdom in these trials. Show love, but also set needful boundaries with roommates and at work, and seek counsel from a faithful pastor or elder who can know your case and bear your burden face to face. If exhaustion and discouragement press so heavily that you feel you have no reason to live, turn at once to a trusted pastor, a mature believer, or a counselor in your church, and let them walk with you daily. You are not alone, even when you feel most isolated.
Concerning financial need, God invites you to His table without reserve. Come honestly before Him. God is light, and He cannot smile on what is false, but He delights in truth in the inward parts. Confess your need, your weariness, and also your sins, for we all constantly err, and God sees sin in us if we do not. Come on the ground that Christ died for sinners, for that is the truth on God's side which enables Him to smile on sinners. He does not promise riches as we might imagine breakthrough, but He does promise that those who wait only upon Him shall not want any good thing needful for life and godliness. Ask for daily bread, for wisdom in stewardship, and for contentment in Christ, trusting His gracious provision in His time and way.
Concerning a spouse and helpers, we will pray with you according to the historic and holy pattern of Scripture, that marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that all sexual intimacy and living together belongs only within that covenant. We will not ask God to bless any relationship outside that good design, for God blesses what He has ordained. If it is His will to give you a husband after His own heart, we ask Him to provide that in His perfect timing. If He calls you to continue in singleness, we ask Him to make Christ so satisfying and your service so fruitful that you may know you are not forgotten and your life is full of purpose in Him. In either case, wait only upon God, not upon a person to complete you, for Christ alone is our salvation and our peace.
May the Spirit of God help you to come to your heavenly Father on the ground of truth. Turn your eye to Jesus Christ, who was forsaken that you might never be. Lay hold on Him tonight, feed on His Word morning, noon, and night, and let your meditation of Him be sweet, for that alone can console your spirit and relieve your distress.
We pray for you now. O Lord our God, look upon this weary and tried soul who feels persecuted, invisible, and forsaken. Thou hast waited to be gracious, now be gracious. Give peace of mind and heart that passes understanding through Jesus Christ Thy Son, who alone is our salvation. Lift the burden of exhaustion and discouragement, and show this dear one that Thou hast not forsaken nor forgotten. Provide for daily needs according to Thy wisdom, give favor and protection at work and at home, and open eyes in the church to see and love as Christ loves. If it be Thy will, provide a godly spouse within the holy covenant of marriage, and faithful helpers for the journey, but above all give grace to wait only upon Thee and to be silent before Thee in trust. Lead out of isolation into true fellowship, and let this heart know it is engraven on Thy palms and kept by Thy power. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
