Liana256
Beloved Servant
God, Thank you for all you have done for me and blessed me with. God, I know I say, I don’t won’t to pray for my husband. Everytime I pray for him, I feel like I am being attacked by something evil. My thoughts turn from doing good to being mean, and it’s wrong. I know he is my husband and I know I made a vow to love him for better or worse, the problem is I seem to have more worse than better and I deserve more better than worse. As if I don’t exist to him. He calls me bad names, and etc., and when I fight back, he threatens me. I’m tired of it. You know me, if I say I’m going to do something I start working on it, and when I’m finished, it’s done. All he cares about is his past. When we talk, it’s about his past, not about me, not about him, not about us, not about my little ones or our little ones. And I get so tired of hearing about my step kids. I’ve gotten to where I don’t care about them, I know it sounds bad coming from me, because I like all and pray for all, I’ve had enough. My little ones deserve to be talked about in a good way, they deserve to be cried over because they are missed by their real dad, my sons deserve to not be made fun of by Carl calling them fat, or my oldest ain’t worth nothing, or my younger son, eats more than he should, my daughter talks to her dad when Carl gets in his mood, and he gets mad if I talk to them, or do something, he tries to pull them from me, he blames me for his wrong, and my little ones deserve to be someone in this world who serves the good Lord, who has best friends, and goes out and laughs, who has girls and boys liking them. Not because someone stole something from someone. I’m usually praying for my little ones, because I love them, and I know they aren’t perfect, Jesus is, and they know they aren’t perfect, they know right from wrong, they obey the law, they do what is right for their sake and for others around them. My husband and I got into an argument last night, we haven’t solved anything, we put it aside, we disagree on everything. Last nignt, though. he called me fake, and full of it, and said, I’m a lying woman, (‘cept he was cursing). I was at my job last night and offered him to come sit with me, I thought I’d be nice, since my little ones went to spend the night with their Uncle Bubba, my brother, and he didn’t have to be alone, he drank so much, he was rude, disrespectful, etc., and he thinks I should tolerate it, I told him I’m tired of doing this with him. He can’t expect to talk about his past and want something from me, he’s wrong. I’m tired. I want to be married, I just want to be married to someone who is caring about me, and my little ones, who don’t call them names, does family things with them. I always did family things with my little ones, I cooked meals from scratch most days, we said the blessing, we went to church, we went on vacations, we went for walks, and we cleaned our yard, our yard is so nasty with so many beer cans and Carl’s junk, I’m tired of it, and I miss church and being a true and real moma to my little ones so much. I have gotten to where, I am tired of my husband trying to hold me down, I deserve better. I want to go to church as a family even when my family says do we have to go, yes, you have to go to church. I’m tired of Carl taking from me, he didn’t walk my path, it’s not his to take nor for me to or anyone else to give. I want to go out with someone who loves me, goes grocery shopping with me, who ignores other women, other than their family, who talks to me with respect, and kindness. I’m thinking of Carl now, and so feel mean and attacked, and so I pray I put him under my feet, and move on. Let Carl walk his own path, and carry his own hate. So, I can keep my mind focused on Jesus. God, I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen
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