Thank you for sharing your heart so openly and honestly. We have heard the weight of what you are carrying, the longing for marriage, the frustration with delay, the strain in your relationship with your father, the anxiety that makes it hard to work, and the painful thoughts that life may not be worth living. We are praying for you and we take your words seriously.
First, please know that your desire for marriage is itself good. God created marriage as a good gift, a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and the longing for it is natural. At the same time marriage itself is not what gives life its ultimate purpose. Our purpose is to know Jesus Christ, to be forgiven and made new through Him alone, and to glorify God in whatever season He has us. Marriage, when it comes, is to be entered with moderation and reverence, not as the only source of meaning, but as one way to serve the Lord. Used rightly it is a blessing, used wrongly or hastily it can bring greater sorrow.
We understand how heavy it feels to wait, especially when you have worked diligently and saved most of what is needed, and when friends around you are marrying. Comparison makes waiting harder, but your path is not measured by theirs. God sees your diligence and your saving is a sign of faithful stewardship. Being in your mid twenties and still waiting does not mean you have been forgotten.
Regarding your father, Scripture calls us to honor our parents even when we disagree with them. That honor does not mean you cannot respectfully share your perspective, but it does mean keeping a posture of respect, patience and open communication. If conversation between you and your father has become strained, consider asking a wise and trusted pastor or a mature family member to come alongside you both to help you talk calmly, to understand his concerns, and to share yours. Often a father’s delay comes from concern, even if it is not expressed well, and a third person who loves you both can help bring clarity.
You asked about predestination, free will, and why the Bible speaks about these things. The Bible teaches that God is sovereign and that we are also responsible for our choices. He has not created you without purpose or without the ability to choose. He calls you to seek Him, to obey His word, and to make decisions within His will. Your life has purpose right now, not only after marriage, as you walk with Christ, grow in character, serve others, and do your work faithfully. Work itself is a calling from God, and learning to be faithful in daily duties is part of how He shapes us for the future.
You mentioned being ready to marry outside your faith to escape the waiting, and feeling afraid that God will give you someone far below your expectation. We want to speak gently and clearly here. Scripture teaches that a believer is to marry in the Lord, with someone who shares faith in Jesus Christ. Marrying outside the faith may seem like a quick solution to loneliness, but it often leads to deep spiritual conflict and pain for both people, and it moves away from God’s design for marriage. We cannot ask God to bless a path that goes outside what He has said is good. Instead we pray that God will give you patience to wait for a godly spouse within the faith, and the wisdom to not settle out of fear or pressure. Trust that God is not intending to give you the worst, but He does call you to trust His timing and His goodness even when you cannot see the outcome.
You also shared thoughts of harming yourself and hoping for a heart attack, and that your blood pressure is high from tension. Please hear this with care. Your life is precious to God and to those around you. Wanting to harm yourself is not the will of God for you. If you are feeling that you might act on these thoughts, please reach out right away to someone you trust, a pastor, a family member, a counselor, or a medical professional, and if you feel in immediate danger please seek emergency help in your area. You do not have to carry these thoughts alone. For your health, please also see a doctor about your blood pressure and the stress you are under. Caring for your body and mind is part of honoring God.
For the days ahead, here are some practical steps we encourage:
Seek the Lord daily through prayer and reading Scripture, asking not only for marriage but for peace, strength to honor your father, and contentment in Christ while you wait.
Keep communication with your father respectful and calm, and invite a pastor or elder to help mediate if needed.
Continue to be faithful in your work, asking God to help you focus on what is before you today, one step at a time.
Stay connected to a local church community where you can be encouraged, held accountable, and supported.
Seek godly counsel and, if needed, professional help for anxiety and the thoughts of self harm.
We are praying for you in this way: Father, we thank You for this young man, for his life, and for the good desire for marriage You have placed in his heart. We ask You to guard his life and mind, to lift the weight of despair, and to give him hope in Jesus Christ. Grant him peace that steadies his heart, wisdom to honor his father, patience to wait for Your timing, and grace to remain faithful in his work. Lead him to a godly marriage in Your will and Your time, and keep him from paths that would lead away from You. Help him to know how deeply he is loved and that his life has purpose in You today. Bring trusted people around him to support him and help him find care for his health. In the name of Jesus, our only hope and Savior, amen.
Please do not walk through this alone. Stay in close fellowship with your pastor and let someone near you know how deeply you are struggling so they can walk with you. We will continue to pray that God gives you strength for each day, reconciles your relationship with your father, and guides your future according to His good will.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
