Before I talk about this subject, I just want to say that I was born in France on August 29, 1981; when I left France in 1984 and moved to the Congo with my father and my "biological" mother, a woman who has always been a negative influence in my life - I had the French citizenship, while living in the Congo, I was never a Congolese citizen until 1995 when my father and my adoptive mother moved to South Africa; that's when I got the Congolese citizenship. I was resentful and angry at my dad for refusing to receive the French citizenship, while he was studying and working in France - I am still mad at him for it. When I was a child, at the age of four, in Brazzavillwe2e, I was sexually molested by my youngest biological maternal aunt. My biological mother and her family members saw me as a derp face and mentally retarded. On my father's side, many of my dad's cousins also saw me as a derp face; at the age of five, they wanted me dead and they wanted a car to run me over. My dad was crying for me; he did not understand why many of his family members bullied me. My cousins on both my biological mother and my father's side bullied me and saw me as a derp face. My biological mother was physically abusive, mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. My dad himself was also at times very violent towards me. When my dad divorced my biological mother in 1989, I was very happy that she left. When my dad married another woman from the DR.Congo - who is now my mom, not my "stepmother", I felt that God finally blessed me with a mother that I have always desired. My "stepmom" has been more of a mother to me than my biological mother could ever be; God bless her. I didn't feel home in the Congo, between 1992 to 1995, even though it is my country of origin.
When we came to Denmark, 19 years ago, we came as refugees and we all had the Congolese citizenship. I have never told my parents that I was sexually abused when we were in the Congo. When I told my parents that I was sexually abused, my mom was mad at the abuser(my biological maternal aunt), while my dad never believed me. I resented my dad for making a choice to deny himself the French citizenship. In Denmark, many Danes had low expectations narrative towards me and my ability to do things; some even had low expectations narrative when it came to my intelligence. Professionally, many Danish companies had low expectations narrative about my ability to be efficient. For the last 18,5 years, I have never felt home in Denmark; most of my experiences with the Danes have been painful and most of the Danes that I have encountered have been racially insensitive to me and other communities of color. I have never felt Danish; I have always felt French or French-Congolese, I have always wanted my French citizenship back; now, I am powerless to do anything.
Whenever I am trying to live my dreams, my dad always criticizes me, even behind my back to other Africans; when I was in my twenties, my mom criticized me for not dating, even to other Africans who never had our family's best intentions. Some of her family members criticized me for the same reasons; some have spoken ill of me and my siblings in both South Africa and Denmark. Now, there are many people who are who are making fun of me behind my back; they are mocking me and saying nasty things about me. Most of the Danish firms have low expectations narrative towards me and my abilities; they even question my intellect. I cannot take this anymore; I was never a Dane, to begin with. Even if I have the Danish citizenship, I don't see myself as a Dane. I pray for the opportunity to get the French citizenship again. I admit that this story hurts me a lot, but I am under God's care.
