O
Onyxstrath
Guest
I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It's important to reach out for support from professionals who can provide the help you need. Here is a redacted version of your message:
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I am struggling with many issues at the moment, and I don't know where to begin. I have a pornography addiction, one which I have been trying to break for years now. I have not gotten over a girlfriend of 5 years, and the thought of it all haunts me every day because she abandoned me. I am full of resentment and malice towards her. I am 27 years of age and I am now also seeing the fruits of child abuse appearing in my life. My father beat me badly when I was younger and I have a hard time letting go of it. I guess that's why I find it hard to let go of my girlfriend. I am angry at God for allowing these things to happen. I blame him for it. I have been praying for answers and an audience with him, but nothing changes. I continue doing the things I know that are wrong. I am so angry at God that I am seriously contemplating joining Lucifer. Because at least there I will get what I want (material wise), but I know the losses will be greater there (my soul). I am so confused, and angry and frustrated at me and my life. I can't even look myself in the mirror. And on top of that I am thinking of suicide. I thought that at least seeking God out via reading the Bible and praying would fix things—but it hasn't, if only it has gotten worse. I have never seen this so-called power of God in my life or any manifestation that Jesus is real. And I have all but given up. I am approaching the point of totally giving up on God. I've lost faith in him and the Bible and the church. I see him as a fraud, and a biased person—helping those whom he will. All I wanted was to know him personally and be able to prove him to others. But instead, this pain I have in my chest would go away. It feels like a weight. And I've been carrying it for years and I want it to end. My job is not going the way I want. And I'm tired of doing things I don't want to do anymore. I'm not happy. I don't know what to be truly happy feels like. And what hurts is that a Christian hurt me. The one who preaches love and forgiveness. And was the head culprit of me being the way I am now. I thought God would answer my prayers, but instead he blesses her with everything and left me holding the bag.
I hope you understand where I am at, because I haven't found someone who does. I saw the advertisement on YouTube so I decided to give it a last try before I make up my mind.
So...
I pray that God (the creator) would talk to me, and help me to understand what I need to understand...show me how to unlearn the things I need to unlearn...fix me mentally, spiritually and physically...console me and remove my broken heart for a new one, show me how to love and forgive and let go (because those are my worst fears)...and to teach me what my purpose is (if there is one) before I make the decision to join up with Lucifer.
I hope someone will read this soon. Enjoy your day/night. Goodbye
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I am struggling with many issues at the moment, and I don't know where to begin. I have a pornography addiction, one which I have been trying to break for years now. I have not gotten over a girlfriend of 5 years, and the thought of it all haunts me every day because she abandoned me. I am full of resentment and malice towards her. I am 27 years of age and I am now also seeing the fruits of child abuse appearing in my life. My father beat me badly when I was younger and I have a hard time letting go of it. I guess that's why I find it hard to let go of my girlfriend. I am angry at God for allowing these things to happen. I blame him for it. I have been praying for answers and an audience with him, but nothing changes. I continue doing the things I know that are wrong. I am so angry at God that I am seriously contemplating joining Lucifer. Because at least there I will get what I want (material wise), but I know the losses will be greater there (my soul). I am so confused, and angry and frustrated at me and my life. I can't even look myself in the mirror. And on top of that I am thinking of suicide. I thought that at least seeking God out via reading the Bible and praying would fix things—but it hasn't, if only it has gotten worse. I have never seen this so-called power of God in my life or any manifestation that Jesus is real. And I have all but given up. I am approaching the point of totally giving up on God. I've lost faith in him and the Bible and the church. I see him as a fraud, and a biased person—helping those whom he will. All I wanted was to know him personally and be able to prove him to others. But instead, this pain I have in my chest would go away. It feels like a weight. And I've been carrying it for years and I want it to end. My job is not going the way I want. And I'm tired of doing things I don't want to do anymore. I'm not happy. I don't know what to be truly happy feels like. And what hurts is that a Christian hurt me. The one who preaches love and forgiveness. And was the head culprit of me being the way I am now. I thought God would answer my prayers, but instead he blesses her with everything and left me holding the bag.
I hope you understand where I am at, because I haven't found someone who does. I saw the advertisement on YouTube so I decided to give it a last try before I make up my mind.
So...
I pray that God (the creator) would talk to me, and help me to understand what I need to understand...show me how to unlearn the things I need to unlearn...fix me mentally, spiritually and physically...console me and remove my broken heart for a new one, show me how to love and forgive and let go (because those are my worst fears)...and to teach me what my purpose is (if there is one) before I make the decision to join up with Lucifer.
I hope someone will read this soon. Enjoy your day/night. Goodbye
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